IWA-DS Carnage Cup 14 (2024)

Count Snarkula and the Cup of Disenchantment

Prologue

Usually, I watch first, then rewatch while I review. Due to the terrible audio, I took a break after the first 5 matches this time to wait for a better version. There still isn't one, so I have to assume this is the final cut. Most of this is a 'blind playthrough' for that reason – raw, unedited, unadorned frustration as I experienced it. May it serve as a memorial for tournaments to come.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Barbed Wire Massacre – Jamie Richards vs. Masada

Match 2 – X Marks the Spot – Blaine Evans vs. Jay Blade

Match 3 – BDSM I Quit Deathmatch – Jimmy Controversy vs. The Body

Match 4 – Boards of Death – Toshiyuki Sakuda vs. Bobby V

Match 5 - Sky High – Bryant Woods vs. Satu Jinn

Match 6 – Home Run Derby – Tommy Trainwreck vs. Mickie Knuckles

Match 7 – Fans Bring The Weapons – Kato vs. Neil Diamond Cutter

Match 8 – Human Horror Film – OBEY vs. Michael Krueger

Recap

Match 9 – Circus of Saw – Lil Sicko vs. Skitzo

ROUND 2

FINAL

Final Thoughts

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DAY 1

This is an affront. There is a stranger sitting at the commentary table. In the very spot where Kris Kloss is supposed to be! NOT THE MAMA! How could this happen? I thought I made my very strong preference for the team of Mr. Kloss and Mr. Hamilton abundantly clear! If neither of them was available, why was the event not moved to another date?! I really don't know if I can deal with this. Well, at least everything else looks normal. U-Hauls as far as the eye can see, the ring is already prepared with barbed wire weaponry.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Barbed Wire Massacre – Jamie Richards vs. Masada

Jamie Richards wears mostly black with yellow accents, but the wrestling attire ratio is good. Can't say the same about Masada. He's wearing his usual gas station outfit. I can only give points for the boots, but Richards has kickpads that match the rest of his gear, so that's a very clear victory for him on all fronts.

The big barbed wire frame breaks almost immediately when Masada throws Richards through it. One punch later, Richards also goes through the barbed wire board on the outside. They return to the ring, Masada floors Richards with a chair, and gets a three count. This alleged match is barely a minute long.

Not long ago, I reviewed IWA-DS Violent Shit Cup and declared the main event, a ca. 45 minutes long Iron Man Deathmatch between Lil Sicko, Jamie Richards, and Blaine Evans, to be the best final I have ever seen in 20+ years of watching deathmatch tournaments. In the past, I have also expressed my dislike for one-sided Masada matches after which he barely has a scratch. You may fill in my verdict for this bullshit here: _________________

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What the hell. The stranger on commentary makes this worse by trying to sound like Jimmy Hart and stating that 'sometimes the best things come in small packages', apparently in an attempt to talk up this 'match'. Sound quality isn't great. Larry Legend is much too quiet, Jimmy Hart/York Terry sounds like he is shouting into a tin can. Every third word is 'babey' and I already have flashbacks to 'absolutely' 6 minutes into the show.

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Match 2 – X Marks the Spot – Blaine Evans vs. Jay Blade

What a confusing stipulation! There are so many Xs in the ring, some made of carpet strips, others of lighttubes. Which one marks the spot? What can be found there?

The first entrant is Blaine Evans who, somewhat surprisingly, doesn't bring his usually strong wrestling gear game to the table. Black tank top, grey camo shorts, but at least proper boots. He's apparently in high spirits – in fact, I have never seen him so cheerful and outgoing. Maybe it is because he knows that he has a very easy act to follow.

Jay Blade wears a black IWA-DS shirt to black pants with custom design and proper boots. It's not a winning look, but it's an improvement. I'm not saying this purely out of spite: Blade certainly looks more 'likely to participate in athletic activity' than Masada. I'm also 100 % certain he'll give me a better match. The bar for that is lying on the floor, but still.

Blade's shirt comes off. He's now at 100 % sports wear. Still all black, but since Evans makes no move to reveal a singlet, the win goes to Jay Blade.

Evans gets a microphone to provide context for the match. A few years ago, Jay Blade broke Evans' back and now he finally got him in the ring for revenge. While I don't remember the inciting incident, I'm thrilled that Evans is finally given a new, non-absurd rivalry to work with.

What the hell is this? It sounds like commentary is literally on-air, broadcasting through the speakers. Why in the world would you do that? Legend rejoins, but the sound mix is completely off. He's barely audible, Jimmy Hart way too loud and way too metallic. Hart claims 'all the ladies love him'. I'm pressing X to doubt. The match itself is fun. There is no shortage of weapon use, but the best description for this is probably 'armed submission match'. Lots of wrestling from both, great intensity – exactly what I expected from IWA-DS's perpetually underrated workhorses.

While I try to ignore commentary, a desire to see Blade in a lucha match takes shape in my mind. I still think it's a good idea on my second watch, but I still can't think it through too much because all of a sudden, commentary sounds like the hell dimension logs from Event Horizon. AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! MAKE EET STAHP!!! It's really painful and more than a little distracting. This would never have happened if Kloss and/or Hamilton was on commentary instead. In the end, Jay Blade picks up the victory.

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Match 3 – BDSM I Quit Deathmatch – Jimmy Controversy vs. The Body

Sgt. Jimmy Controversy wears all black, but there's a clear theme and I doubt he'll leave the police vest on. The Body wears a black shirt, pink-black trunks, black corset belt thingy, nylon stockings, kickpads, white sports shoes. Also a clear theme, and he has Controversy beat in the color department with that bit of pink. By the time he enters the ring, Controversy's vest is gone which puts him at a slight advantage in regards to exposed skin. Very difficult, but the removal of the vest revealed the deciding detail to tip the scale: Controversy's belt matches his boots.

The stipulation has me a little worried. Not the weapons. There's a pumpkin, a pinapple, some cacti, dog collars, lighttubes, chairs. Considering this is a BDSM match, it's a really, really tame selection. No, what worries me is the fact that they'll need to use a microphone for the 'I quit' part. Generally speaking, I'm in favor of giving all available microphones to Controversy though. Especially the one that enables Jimmy Hart to continue his annoying 'He's taking him to pound town, ba-bayyyy' salvo. Or regale the suffering viewer with tales of his OnlyFans subscriptions. Where is my trusty old phone cord?

Unsurprisingly, the match is half comedy, half deathmatch, but it works. Other than some silly weapons, it's a pretty good match. Good flow, obviously a lot of storytelling with the stipulation – for the most part, the microphone cooperates. Except for the finish: The Body has lit road flares on a stick and chases Controversy to the commentary table - where he has to shout his surrender because the mic isn't working. Who could have seen that coming?

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Match 4 – Boards of Death – Toshiyuki Sakuda vs. Bobby V

The boards have cut beer cans, pencils, barbed wire, and I think there's one with razor blades, too.

The ref does have a horse in this fashion fight...

I had high expectations because I was told Japanese deathmatch fashion would be fun to review, and Sakuda seemed to deliver with a very nice mask. However, his shoes are an absolute no-go. What the hell. I'll give points for white pants, but you can't just roll up in regular street shoes that don't even try to look like sports wear. The mask comes off right away, and I'm left with an almost 100 % street wear ratio. At least the shirt is purple and there's little black overall.

Bobby V has such a clear outfit advantage it's not even funny. White cowboy hat and vest, white trunks or singlet, albeit under a black shirt. He looks like Jimmy Hart on commentary wants to sound. Speaking of commentary: For the moment, the hell dimension gates are closed, meaning it's back to only hearing Hart, and Larry Legend being nearly inaudible.

The match itself quickly becomes an outside brawl with hand-picked weapons from the impressive selection laid out on the ground. It also gets bloodier than the other first round matches, with a crimson mask for both within minutes.

Ugh. Jimmy Hart says he can't see the weapons. What an amateur. This wouldn't have happened if Nathan Hamilton was here!

Valentino stays on the defense for a very long time. I'm also not a fan of the Instagram spot with giant safety pins. I suppose it's slightly better than syringes because the safety pins stay in for the rest of the match. At least the live audience has a chance to understand what happened during the face fumbling.

There's some good wrestling in this match, but it's all a bit too one-sided for my taste. Sakuda unsurprisingly advances.

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Match 5 - IWA-DS Title Match – Sky High (Tokyo Towers/City of Glass) – Bryant Woods vs. Satu Jinn

This isn't me going crazy with Brightness settings. These are unedited screenshots.

Satu Jinn makes a strong fashion showing with themed green genie attire. The pants are dark grey, but the green-golden accessories get a good score. Bryant Woods has a color advantage with white pants, but a black shirt. Tough call, but I'll give this one to Satu Jinn since he's more exposed due to Woods' shirt staying on.

The stipulation refers to long lighttube bundles on the ropes and in the corners, and some really thick bundles on the canvas. Commentary is now completely inaudible which is both a relief after the ear assault from before, and highly inconvenient for me. I can make out that they are talking about Satu Jinn's ability to grand wishes. That is a very relevant topic because I submitted a wish to him not long ago and naturally worry about my words being twisted because that's what genies do. And before you say 'duh, it's just a gimmick': No, it is not. I have it on good authority that Satu Jinn is an actual genie and can grant wishes by supernatural means. I WANT TO BELIEVE.

Glass breaks almost immediately when Woods whips Jinn into the first tower after the lockup. The match soon moves to the outside where a table with a log cabin waits. Jinn introduces a ladder as well, and finds even more lighttubes in the weapon storage area. He also removes Woods' shirt – but I only judge curtain to bell, so this doesn't change my verdict.

The action stays on the outside, with smashes, suplexes and slams, and the use of chairs, ladder, and some kind of bat-stick Woods picked up along the way. There's a bit of carving as well, and it seems something is wrong with Woods' eye. Although the ref keeps checking, the match continues with a slugfest and headbutt duel, and they finally return to the ring. Jinn goes after the injured eye, but Woods gains the upper hand shortly after. The camera becomes obsessed with a deep cut on Jinn's arm. A cutter through an impractically large lighttube tower finally yields a three count for Woods. Three refs swarm him to check the eye, and Woods doesn't seem to be in great shape when he leaves the ring.

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Match 6 – Home Run Derby – Tommy Trainwreck vs. Mickie Knuckles

Tommy Trainwrreck wears tan shorts, a black shirt, and one kickpad, but two sneakers. Then comes the part I dreaded since I saw the card, Mickie Knuckles. I don't get the hype. Never did. Never will. I guess I have to endure this for the sake of the review, but being entirely honest, I'd rather watch Brian White vs. Drew Blood, or Devon Moore cutting a promo on his gas station. The fashion victory goes to the referee who wears a striped strongman suit under black trunks and proper white wrestling boots. I'm not even kidding. Out of these three, the referee has the best outfit.

Commentary is still muted. The match starts out exactly as expected, with brawling, early use of the bats, and cringe comedy spots. I enter a meditative state in which Jamie Richards has a real match against Masada and wins. After a headbutt duel, Richards puts Masada through the leftover barbed wire board frame thing with a sitout chokeslam. That's my reality now. I'm watching mental replays of it. I only snap out of it and back into the cold, harsh, unforgiving reality everyone else exists in when Knuckles wins.

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Match 7 – Fans Bring The Weapons – Kato vs. Neil Diamond Cutter

Kato wears a black shirt to black cycling shorts, possibly a singlet, and what looks like black hiking boots or Doc Martens. It's not great, but with the elbow and kneepads, he looks vaguely wrestler-like in comparison to Cutter. Tan shorts, patched vest, proper boots though. If they'd swap footwear, they'd get one ok outfit in total. Cutter's boots even match Kato's kneepads. I'll give the victory to him either way because Cutter doesn't even remove the vest for a potential skin exposure victory before the match begins.

Commentary is still muted. Cutter sticks skewers into Kato's forehead maybe 90 seconds into the match. I have an epiphany: NDC looks like Jay Blade with about 2 more points in Charisma, but he's probably the one person Blade could beat any day in the fashion department. It might break my brain if they face off in round 2.

A lot of this match consists of weapon smashing, but Kato throws in a few wrestling moves before he goes through the big log cabin table contraption that has been lying in wait for a victim since Satu Jinn vs. Bryant Woods. Cutter goes straight back to carving with the various weapons, then throws in a Brainbuster some time later. Kato's valet gets involved with a lighttube, then Mickie Knuckles appears and attacks her. I wistfully think back to that really nice chokeslam from Jamie Richards.

The match continues after both interferers are gone. Kato gets rid of the shirt just before Cutter Death Valley Drives him through a huge bundle of tubes for the victory. The brainbreaking fashion face off with Jay Blade is now a real possibility, for better or worse.

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Match 8 – Human Horror Film – OBEY vs. Michael Krueger

According to Larry Legend, OBEY is the human horror film. I thought that's the stipulation, but ok. OBEY wears primarily white long pants with a black pattern, facepaint, and... socks. I think we have a winner. Yes, we do: OBEY is the first entrant in Best Dressed in Death to improve his outfit with a random item within the judging time frame. He puts a white hockey mask with skewers or nails on before Krueger enters. With such a strong showing, he might even be a threat to Lil Sicko.

It's tough to judge because the camera stays on the ring instead of showing the entrances, and the ref covers Michael Krueger when he reaches the ring. When he's more visible, he gets a good score despite wearing black. Executioner hood over his mask, spiderweb body paint, and the wrestling attire ratio is high with a singlet, pleather pants, and proper boots.

The ring looks pretty FBTW to me, with Christmas ornaments, bats, some kind of board, and various other weapons. They start off with wrestling, but not for long. OBEY quickly introduces a gusset plate to the match by hammering it into Krueger's back. A suplex from Krueger makes me hopeful, but he goes for the carving weapons first. A bodyslam onto a board with toothpicks or maybe quills follows, then OBEY gains the upper hand - and a fishhook bat that promptly gets stuck in Krueger's arm. (More proof that only JD Horror should be using fishhooks.) OBEY's valet hands him a machete, but he doesn't get to use it. Krueger disarms him and sets up a chair.

OBEY fights him off though and follows up with attacks from the top rope. He grabs the machete again, only to be disarmed right away, and eat a sitout chokeslam – just like the one Jamie Richards used to defeat Masada in the first match. Unlike Richards, Krueger doesn't get a three count though and resorts to carving OBEY's face with his hook. After a chokeslam that was half-countered into a DDT, both are down. OBEY gets up first and finally gets to use the machete for a brief moment. Krueger produces a hacksaw from his weapon trashbag for some carving, then a canister of bleach which he pours over OBEY's face, followed by salt. Somehow, this leads to a claw hold and a three count.

Entertaining match at times, but that finish was just weird.

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DELAYED INTERMISSION, RECAP

There's still one first round match to go, but this is my review and I'll have intermissions whenever it suits me. I'm not sure it comes through, but I'm not really sold on this show. Maybe it's my high expectations or something, but something just doesn't feel right about this.

I'm not joking about commentary going from 'Event Horizon hellscape' to 'absent'. It really is terrible. There were obviously technical issues, both with audio and video, but it's a travesty to put the show on stream in this abysmal state. At some point, IWA-DS posted that the issues were fixed and a good upload was in progress. And yet this is what we got – the audio is straight up embarrassing. You can see Kevin Brannen stroll about with a cigar in his mouth during most matches though, evidently unbothered by the glaring broadcasting problems. How can this have gone unnoticed?

Possibly related, something else has not gone unnoticed by me: the absence of three people. I have already complained enough about Kris Kloss and Nathan Hamilton not being there, so I'll just add that John Rare wasn't to be seen anywhere either. Usually you see him film at ringside on IWA-DS shows. Not here. No CC14 footage on his channel either. Now this may be a long shot, but I'll pose the question anyway: What do Kloss, Hamilton, and Rare have in common? Answer: Familiarity with audio and video equipment and production. That's my conspiracy theory now anyway. Audio was a catastrophe because whoever handles it normally wasn't there. My money is on Kloss because all but one of the IWA-DS throwaway shows I watched had perfectly good audio – except the one without him. (IWA-DS Underground #1 which coincidentally sounds very much like CC14 with mumbling and muted voices that may or may not be meant to be commentary).

I'm also not entirely convinced by the matches so far. Kicking off Carnage Cup with a 1 minute squash was a damn weird choice and set a very wrong tone right away. For comparison: Last year's opener was John Rare vs. Brian White vs. Lil Sicko in a completely unhinged Spiral match. A listless 3 moves squash was worlds away from what anyone would expect from a show that has – literally – written 'the most controversial deathmatch tournament on earth' on its banners. Controversial? Yeah, sure got that part nailed. But this was barely a match, death or otherwise.

Blaine Evans and Jay Blade were good. No complaints about them, but the watchability of the match suffered greatly from the audio troubles. Jimmy Controversy vs. The Body did, too. Not as much as Evans and Blade, but it's still hilarious to me that the stipulation depended on the one thing that clearly didn't work right: the damn microphone. Otherwise, it was a decent match for what it was. Sakuda vs. Bobby V was alright, but as I said, the latter didn't get much offense, and the match had an Instagram spot. I praised Carnage Cup 13 for not having any, so I hope this was a one-off because I really don't need this sideshow stuff in a match.

Knuckles vs. Trainwreck was certainly one of the matches that took place. Neil Diamond Cutter vs. Kato was alright, but nothing special or all that interesting. Krueger vs. OBEY had some good moments, but the finish was strange. As it stands, I'm going with Evans vs. Blade as the MOTN, but seeing the final first round match is Lil Sicko vs. Skitzo, that might change.

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ROUND 1 continued

Match 9 – Circus of Saw – Lil Sicko vs. Skitzo

Several matches had an unmasked referee with a 'SADISTO' tattoo on the forearm, but this is the one where Sadisto is a special referee. I presume that means he'll wear his mask. The stipulation has surprisingly few saws (0 visible saws, to be precise), but I see a barbed wire board, a ladder, lighttubes, skewer boards, and it's no ropes barbed and razor wire on two sides, nothing on the other two. Before anything happens, the strongman suit ref and several other refs show up to debate about something, and a brief ref brawl sends the indeed now masked Sadisto to the back. For reference, Sadisto manages both Sicko and Skitzo which makes him as neutral as refs come. There's obviously some story going on here, but I can't make sense of it.

Skitzo wears a hooded black robe over all white. Lil Sicko wears a black tailcoat to white one-legged spandex with suspenders and the kickpad Tommy Trainwreck was missing (which I don't count as a negative; there's clearly a theme with the asymetric leg wear. Maybe this is even a callback to them teaming in XPW). Both have clown facepaints. This will come down to the tiniest details. The black comes off on both. Skitzo has two kickpads – white at that – but still wears a white shirt. Lil Sicko wins with more exposed skin; spandex also beats cotton, and the suspenders count as accessory. This has definitely been his toughest fashion challenger to date.

They start off with chain wrestling, but involve the razor wire right away and there's blood on both less than a minute in. Popper bats see early use as well. Sicko finds a pinata. Since commentary is still a vague, muffled suggestion in the background, I have to figure out what's in it by myself. Thumbtacks and small glass shards, I'd say. Sicko gets his hands on Skitzo's Faygo bottle and splatters the contents. Maybe it's rubbing alcohol, maybe it's just sticky. Either way, Skitzo spends a good while vomitting. That Sicko breaks a shark tooth board on him doesn't interrupt him.

Sicko continues his assault with lighttubes and a thumbtack keyboard, but takes the latter to the face himself once the brawl leaves the ring. He doesn't keep the upper hand for long. Sicko breaks a crutch over him, then returns to the popper bat. Skitzo floors him with a lariat, then continues with a barbed wire tennis racket.

The match moves toward a barn and a table where Sicko adds a rake and a chair to the arsenal. Skitzo ends up lying on the table and Sicko climbs the barn with a lighttube pentagram. A picture perfect moonsault lands both him and his weapon on Skitzo. Being superhuman, Sicko wastes no time, gets right up, and gets his trash can for a running attack. Apparently they are near the commentary table now because I can hear Jimmy Hart again. I wish I didn't.

Sicko, with the day's best crimson mask, puts the trash can on Skitzo, then sets up a ladder and dives into a two count. Skitzo takes a board of metal skewers to the back, then arms himself with a thumbtack bat.

The first firecrackers of the Carnage Cup go off, and Skitzo is suddenly firmly in charge. When he is about to powerbomb Sicko through a pane of glass with carpet strips, Sicko counters with a destroyer.

While both are down, Sadisto returns, attacks the ref with a lighttube, then lights the barbed wire board on fire. Sicko and Skitzo go through it; the pinfall takes place in the flames before they are extinguished with soda/Faygo (I'm not sure how Faygo bottles are supposed to look. These are different from the one Skitzo brought.) Either way, Sicko wins and I have a new MOTN.

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DAY 2

Day 2 begins with a shot of the ring, fenced on 3 sides with lighttubes and barbed wire, barbed wire IWA letters – and 'Beautiful People' playing. For a moment, I'm really worried that Ian Rotten will appear and talk for 12 hours. With the sound issues, that could be either hilarious or horrifying. No such thing happens though. Instead, Larry Legend explains the rules for round 2: Each match will be a threeway with one elimination, the two survivors will advance.

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ROUND 2

Match 1 – 150 Lighttubes No Ropes Barbed Wire – Toshiyuki Sakuda vs. Neil Diamond Cutter vs. Bryant Woods

Sakuda's outfit has changed, but not for the better. He ditched the mask and swapped the purple shirt for a black one. He still has white pants and hiking shoes, the best and worst aspects of his outfit. Great, it seems now we have video issues. Neil Diamond Cutter choppily makes his way to the ring, and I choppily try to see how his outfit measures up against Sakuda. No shirt already gives him an advantage on the exposure front, tan shorts are slightly below white, but his wrestling boots do some heavy lifting. The third entrant – and clear winner – is Bryant Woods, all in white and with an (also white) eye patch.

Apparently we don't have commentary today at all.

Tubes break immediately; Sakuda and Cutter team up against the much bigger Woods. The alliance between Cutter and Sakuda breaks up when the former offers a handshake and the latter smashes tubes on him instead. They continue to smash, interjected only by brief barbed wire carving. Woods stays in a corner and just lets the two go it alone until Sakuda gets a two count on Cutter. Woods smashes tubes on Sakuda now and introduces a suplex into the match. With Sakuda out, Cutter gets up and attacks Woods with a staple gun. He follows up with a series of wrestling moves, but I can only say with certainty that the last one was a cutter because a guy standing in front of the hard cam blocks the middle of the ring. He moves away, but unfortunately everyone has left the ring by now and it takes the camera a moment to find them.

I believe Sakuda put skewers into Cutter's head, but the camera arrives too late and I only see skewers fall while Woods approaches with some lighttubes. After kicking them on Cutter, he hammers a gusset plate into Sakuda's head, then the two wander elsewhere and now the camera shakes in an attempt to stay on them. Somewhere near the weapon storage area, Sakuda slams Cutter onto a chair, then gets Russian Leg Swept through a lighttube bundle by him.

Woods joins them with something (possibly knife?) and carves their foreheads. Cutter and Sakuda try to return to the ring. I think. The camera certainly doesn't. It's all over the place and half the time I lose track of at least one person. Woods catches up and another attempted alliance between Sakuda and Cutter goes nowhere. Still outside the ring, Sakuda stacks Woods and Cutter on a chair, then smashes a lighttube bundle on them. I think Sakuda takes Cutter into a submission hold, then Woods is back with lighttubes and the camera briefly drops out altogether. When the feed returns, Cutter Senton Bombs Woods outside the ring and Sakuda is nowhere to be seen. Darkness falls over the three. I now see silhouettes brawling. At best. Bryant Woods is slightly more visible – another advantage of wearing white. Based on sound, Cutter uses the staple gun on his face, then the other way around, then Sakuda breaks it up with a cookie sheet.

The light returns. Woods is on his back, with lighttubes, chairs, and Cutter stacked over him. Sakuda then smashes the pile. I notice that this isn't the first time he straight up tells his opponents where to go instead of doing something to get them there. He did the same earlier: simply told Woods to kneel over the chair, then Cutter – who took the worst of the lighttubes – to get on his back. The exact same thing played out here. Cutter, who offered an alliance twice and was rejected both times, just cooperates for no reason, then takes the worst of the weapon. Why? Realistically speaking, there is nothing he or Sakuda could do (alone or as a team) to get Woods to do anything. Both barely reach his shoulder, Woods spends much of the match on his knees so they can reach him for carving or stapling, and I get the impression he's worried about breaking them for real. In other words, the reverse of my beloved 'two big guys vs. one small underdog' is a terrible idea.

Sound drops out completely. At least I can see. Cutter smashes tubes on Sakuda, then Woods stalks him to the crowd. Sakuda cuts off his attack with something that looks like a small fence, then just wanders back to the ring to pick up Cutter and lead him toward the approaching Woods. He stuffs something in Cutter's face, then Sakeda's, but I have no idea what's going on anymore. The camera jumps around, there are no sounds to go on. Woods throws Sakuda back into the ring at some point, Cutter follows them in. Most of the tube-fencing is gone by now.

Cutter holds Woods, on his knees of course, in place for Sakuda to do his stupid Instagram spot again. Then Cutter just holds still to get a safety pin through his cheek, too. Then Cutter puts one through Sakeda's cheek because the spot is so dumb, it has to be done thrice in a row. They do a silly little circle dance, pulling each other's safety pins. Still no sound. Cutter Death Valley Drives Sakuda through some tubes. Woods powerslams Cutter for a pinfall attempt. A Sitout Powerbomb against Cutter succeeds, and Woods and Sakeda advance.

Evidently, the sound issue is going unnoticed. Larry Legend is starring in a silent film now, but the feed is too pixely to lip read. After a painfully long time, the feed goes to the intermission screen. Hopefully that means the sound issues will be addressed. It's only 43 minutes into a 3 hours 50 minutes long show. I really, really don't feel like reviewing a completely silent Carnage Cup. Around 1 hour 3 minutes, the feed returns. Still without sound. Seriously? Larry Legend silent-interviews Neil Diamond Cutter. Back to the intermission screen. 1 hour 30 minutes. There is sound. It is the voice of Borriss Dukkee, then a phone video of the stupid green mask appears. Skipping all this crap. 1 hour 44 mins. Back to the ring. The feed is now so choppy that I thought I was looking at a still image at first. It's the world's slowest slide show. Apparently, it's supposed to be a match because Masada materializes in the ring between two slides.

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Match 2 – No Ropes Barbed Wire Pits of Hell – Masada vs. Jay Blade vs. Michael Krueger

Couldn't tell you what happened because it's still a slow motion slide show. There are lemons and salt and lighttubes. There is no sound. According to Cagematch, Masada and Krueger advance, but it's anyone's guess who scored the pinfall or how.

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Intermission screen. It's 2 hours 5 minutes in now.

2 hours 30 minutes. Back to the ring. No sound. Slide show.

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Match 3 – Shoots & Ladders – Lil Sicko vs. Mickie Knuckles vs. Jimmy Controversy

Just as unwatchable as the previous match. If the final slide is anything to go by, Jimmy Controversy got pinned by both, with Lil Sicko over him and Knuckles on top. That's just a guess though. The question why Controversy was in this match after The Body won their first round match may never be answered.

Based on this slideshow still, there was a porcupine quill weapon.

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Intermission screen.

2 hours 52 minutes. Ring without sound, now in relative darkness. Still a slide show.

2 hours 56 minutes. Muffled sound, moving pictures. Masada enters. I'm too pissed to judge his outfit. According to the announced card and Cagematch, there was a Spidar Boodrow Memorial Gauntlet which was won by Skitzo, but apparently it was cut altogether.

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FINAL

This is also a gauntlet for some reason. The ring is fenced with lighttubes and carpet strips (?), and barely illuminated by car headlights. Masada is already in the ring, Bryant Woods is the second entrant. There's still no commentary – no, wait! Oh wow. I hear Jimmy Hart! Visibility is so-so. Depending on the camera, it's either darkness with blinding headlights or a somewhat visible match.

Slow start. Masada apparently left his previous match without a scratch because only Woods is bloodied. The brawl leaves the ring and continues in front of a car, presumably to offer better visibility. Masada tries to skewer Woods, Woods turns it around and possibly skewers Masada instead. Seated slugfest. Somebody holds a flashlight up in the back. Masada of all people resorts to an Instagram spot and sticks a syringe into Woods' forehead. They return to the ring. Masada beats Woods down with a chair. Woods powerbombs Masada onto the chair and tries to pin him, but the refs are distracted. Someone on the outside shoves Woods and he falls onto Masada, and one of the various refs rules it's a double pin. What the hell.

The ring is shrouded in darkness. Most tubes are still intact. Mickie Knuckles enters. Going by the outline, the next entrant is Michael Krueger. The headlights are blinding, and yet the ring remains dark. Not ideal since both wear black. Krueger breaks tubes just by entering the ring, Knuckles stands around and drinks beer. Slow motion slugfest while drinking beer, sound goes back and forth between muted and too loud. What the hell am I watching. Half the time, I simply can't see. Headbutts. Krueger chokes Knuckles, I think. The camera is behind him, so it's hard to tell. Krueger somehow gets eliminated by choking, probably. The hard cam-facing tubes are gone.

Next entrant is Sakuda, now shirtless. Blinding headlights. Tube smashing. Armbar. Next entrant??? I guess Knuckles was eliminated. Sakuda has some kind of long needle, but I don't think he used it for the... submission? Probably? The final entrant is the outline of Lil Sicko against a blinding white light. A brief moment of visibility is enough to confirm that he still has the best outfit, to nobody's surprise.

Whoa. Someone turned a new headlight toward the ring! Visibility! Tube smashing. Sakuda obtains an exploding barbed wire lighttube bundle and smashes it on Lil Sicko. The action leaves the ring. Sakuda puts Sicko on a chair, then throws lighttubes at him. Sicko evades. Blinding white light. Sakuda uses a box cutter board to carve Sicko's head, then puts him on a chair and the board on top of him. More tube smashing. Even more tube smashing, but now Sicko does it. His back suplex may have been the first wrestling move, unless I count the barely visible submissions earlier. Sakuda arranges some chairs on the outside, then puts lighttubes on them. Sicko attacks with a cookie sheet; exchange of punches and jabs.

Sakuda tries to slam Sicko, but apparently doesn't know how to grab him. What the hell. Isn't this guy supposed to be good at wrestling? It's been fairly terrible so far, and there are only 20 minutes to go... Sicko slams him through the bundle, presumably as a lesson. Sakuda attacks with his super long needle. I think. Sakuda struggles to get a grip for a slam or suplex again, so nobody goes through the glass panes. He tries to pin Sicko anyway and gets a two.

Wow, he managed to snapmare Sicko! I'm impressed! Sakuda takes a fork board and leans it against Sicko's back, then dropkicks it. I count that as a wrestling move. Holy shit. World's worst slam from Sakuda. How does this guy have 10 years of experience? Is Cagematch being braindead again? Springboard Senton. Ok, maybe all he can do is flippy stuff. They should have booked him against The Body instead. That could have been a decent spot fest. This, on the other hand, is almost embarrassing because on the wrestling front, Sicko has to help so much that he looks like the 10 years veteran who drags the world's greenest rookie through the match. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish Masada was still in this match instead. If nothing else, he'd be a better canvas for Sicko's art.

Sicko continues to carry hard, puts Sakuda on the turnbuckle, and shows him first some running back elbow strikes, then a Spanish Fly onto an exploding barbed wire board. Sakuda has the audacity to kick out of the following pin. The pace suddenly picks up; there are suplexes and strikes, then Sakuda goes back to smashing tubes. Christ on a bike, he has a long needle again. But sure, why not kill the momentum? It ends up in Sicko's face. Silly dance again, then a weak pinfall attempt, then Sakuda stacks a tube pentagram on Sicko and goes to the top rope with a lighttube bundle for a Senton.

Sicko naturally kicks out and Sakuda drags him around on the long needle again. He lifts Sicko and drops him on a board that is either a bed of nails or has long push pins. I refuse to call it a slam because it simply wasn't a slam. The video ends, but I know Sicko won because IWA-DS posted a clip of the final dive on their Facebook. In the background, Larry Legend can be heard saying that something is on fire, and there's fire in the final spot clip, so not much is missing. Just the most important moment of the entire tournament.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

Frankly, I'm speechless that IWA-DS put this atrocity up as the 'good upload'. This is utterly embarrassing. Going by normal indie standards, most of this is straight up unwatchable. Terrible audio (if any) all the way, day 2 adds such choppy visuals that it doesn't even qualify as 'motion picture', and one (presumably relatively long) match is omitted completely. On the production side, this is a fail for the ages. I went looking for fan cam footage on YouTube to figure out what was going on in the missing matches. Nothing. And seeing John Rare wasn't present, I have little hope for anything beyond a short phone clip to turn up later on.

On to what I was able to see of the show: Day 1 set the tone with a one minute squash. What was the point of that? I don't know if Jamie Richards resides in Canada or is only announced from Alberta to make shows sound more international (guessing the latter, since he's also a regular on the lesser IWA-DS shows). Either way, it makes no sense to job out either your 'international flair' or your regular like this. The next three matches were fine, then there's the next headscratcher: Why have Woods defend his title in a tournament match? Giving him a defense in a non-tournament match would have made so much more sense than the silly double pinfall in the gauntlet (which is also quite a choice for a tournament final). The rest of day 1 was ok, but nothing more. I don't think 9 first round matches were a great idea because the matches didn't feel all that different, in stark contrast to Carnage Cup 13's first round.

There's not much to say about day 2 that I haven't said already. Much of it is completely unwatchable, so I have no idea if the matches were any good. What I was able to see wasn't great. The first match, as I said above, was awkward at times. Woods having to kneel, Sakuda moving his opponents around like props instead of positioning them with moves, the strong emphasis on Instagram spots with needles with already bad visibility.

Then there would have been Masada vs. Michael Krueger vs. Jay Blade. Judging by Masada's unscathed entrance in the final, I doubt he took much. Krueger is masked and wears black pleather, so it's hard to tell in his case. Jay Blade, on the other hand, is fairly easy to gauge. Regardless of show, he's willing to take whatever. With this estimation, it's easy to imagine how the match went: I probably didn't miss anything amazing here.

Not seeing Lil Sicko vs. Mickie Knuckles vs. Jimmy Controversy hurts a bit more. Sicko vs. Controversy was one of the matches I had hoped to see, albeit as a 1 on 1. They built up their rivalry at Southern Outlaws and continued it in promos ever since, so I would have liked to see it play out.

As for the missing Spidar Boodrow Memorial Gauntlet, I can't even guess much. Cagematch lists no entrants nor any additional names on the card. My first guess would have been all first round eliminations, but none of them is listed as having been there on day 2, so who knows.

Which leaves the final as the last match to revisit. Making the final a gauntlet with six entrants screams 'all the big names need to be in the final!' and just throwing them together for the hell of it doesn't necessarily translate to a good match. The eliminations were all pretty strange.

First the double pin – Woods can't be eliminated with any clean finish because he has the title. This has already proven to be a problem in the XPW title vs. title match where Woods tied with Homeless Jimmy. Ultimately, it's really simple: If someone can't or won't take a L from your champion, you don't book that person against your champion. Nobody looks good in these double pin finishes. I can only repeat that it was a bad idea to put Woods in the tournament for that reason, instead of having him defend properly in a non-tournament match.

How could that have been achieved? Hear me out: For once, 'Borriss Dukkee' is the solution, not the problem. Had Brannen put on his dumb mask and let Masada squash his alter ego, Jamie Richards - a credible challenger - would have been free to go against Woods. 'We're one match short!' you say? Not a problem either. A good amount of money could have been saved by simply not flying in the world's greenest veteran. Honestly, I'm shocked how terrible Sakuda was against Sicko. I'm sure someone could have replaced him in the other matches without making them worse or all that different as well. Hell, Tyler Graves/Cody McCulley could have done the job in Blaine Evans' place in round one, and thereby freed Evans up for something else. Either way, I don't think it would have been impossible to find someone, anyone, else to fall on his back for Masada, and get just one more somewhat capable person to challenge Woods outside of the tournament.

Then there were Knuckles and Krueger who didn't contribute anything of value to the 'gauntlet' because they were not really in a gauntlet due to the first two entrants eliminating each other before their arrival. This was just two singles matches strung together for the sake of having two more big names in the final. All they did was some choking that was also hard to see, and somehow they were eliminated, presumably by submission.

And then there's the last part, Sicko vs. Sakuda. As I said above, this was probably the first time in my life that I thought 'I wish Masada was in this match'. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of him and find most of his matches somewhat dull and one-sided. But here, he could have made such a huge difference for the better. I'll call Masada many things when the day is long, but not 'unsafe', 'inexperienced', or a bad worker. He could have done what Sakuda had to be taught by a 23 years old clown on the fly (and that's certainly not a rag on Sicko). Masada could have added the necessary structure to this match, kept an eye on the positioning (both to set up moves and in regards to visibility), and been the credible obstacle to overcome in the end. Last but not least, keeping Woods out of the final, and leaving Masada in to the end would also have resulted in the XPW vs. IWA-DS face off that was hinted at since Carnage Cup 13. As it was, that whole build up went nowhere.

I'm glad Sicko won. It would have been a monumental travesty if he hadn't. At least this outcome – even if I had to watch the decisive spot as a tiny Facebook clip – serves as a glimpse of hope that IWA-DS hasn't completely lost its way. The one good decision made for the final was putting their homegrown wunderkind over instead of pinning the victory on a random big name or import.

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FINAL VERDICT

I can only judge what I was able to watch. There's no MOTN on Day 2 because I only saw two matches and neither was great. MVP, same story, but based on the final and Day 1, it's Lil Sicko who also remains Best Dressed in Death.

This is probably no surprise, but I don't recommend this show. I never had less fun reviewing an IWA-DS show, and considering the trainwrecks I reviewed in the past, that really says something.

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