No Peace Underground - Asmodeus (2021)
In recent weeks, I have suffered through some pretty terrible shows. I needed a break from that, so I looked for something I'd definitely like. That I landed on a NPU show might be a sign that I have become numb to the pain, or something deep down wants to fully embrace it.
What do I associate with NPU? Cards that look great at first glance and don't live up to my expectations, outlandish production priorities including neon strobe lights during matches, and of course my favorite part: the lack of a ring.
What was my thought process in picking this? Ooooh, Shane Mercer, Sonico, Rejects, Vincent Nothing! That should be fun! Obviously, I learned nothing from past experiences with NPU.
Match 1 - Boards & Chairs - Cole Radrick vs. Levi Everett
Match 2 – Threeway Tag Team – The Hallowed vs. KOBK vs. The End
Match 3 – Kevin Blackwood vs. Ace Perry vs. Ace Austin
Match 4 – Jody Threat vs. BSTRD Cassidy vs. Satu Jinn vs. Gregory Iron vs. Sawyer Wreck vs. Neil Diamond Cutter
Match 5 – Faith in Nothing vs. oVe
Match 6 – Lighttubes, Carpet Strips & Gusset Board – Reed Bentley vs. Remington Rhor
Match 7 – Eric Ryan vs. Mickie Knuckles
Match 8 – Fatal Four Way – Sonico vs. Orin Veidt vs. Shane Mercer vs. Lucky 13
Match 9 – 100 Lighttubes - John Wayne Murdoch vs. Masada
Final Thoughts
It is 2021 and we're in Indiana. NPU owner Ryan Fox is back from hell, whatever that means, which he celebrates by drawing chalk circles on the ground while forcing laughter. He also recites the card and really, really wants us to know that he's satanic and evil. Duly noted.
Whoa. What is that? A ring? Color me excited! There are already weapons in it – doors or boards and chairs – and the venue is too well-lit to go nuts with strobe lights. Maybe my path isn't paved with pain after all. Schwartzy is on commentary. Big step up from the last NPU show I watched where someone had the bright idea to give a mic to Joey Janela.
Match 1 - Boards & Chairs - Cole Radrick vs. Levi Everett
Cole Radrick wears a black shirt to white shorts and matching footwear. The baseball hat, gray and red, doesn't match the theme, but overall, this is a fairly decent outfit.
Levi Everett isn't going to win on sportswear because he has none. What he does have is a gimmick, one that's immediately obvious at that. He is Amish, complete with hat and weird chin beard. The weakness is clearly the low exposure. With a longsleeve shirt and long blue jeans, he's very covered. Since this is a deathmatch, those things matter and I'll give the victory to Radrick.
After an early chair duel and exchange of punches, the action moves to the outside with a dive from Everett. Radrick fights back with a chair and a trash can lid, but Everett is on fire. He drags a door to the outside. Radrick cuts him off before anything comes of it, then attacks with... a tire. Can't say I see that every day. His cover only yields a two, and he introduces a more familiar weapon, a trash can. Everett uses the can against Radrick though, then suplexes him onto the apron. Now the door, set up against a chair, comes into play. Radrick counters before getting put through it and completes the construction with a second chair. He pays Everett back with a slam to the apron, but again the cover only gets a two.
Back in the ring, Radrick remains in charge for the moment. A senton results in another two, then Radrick gets floored with double axe handles. He regains the advantage with a lariat, then sets up chairs upside down. After a counter duel, Everett ends up slamming Radrick onto his contruction. A new contruction takes shape in the form of the second door propped up on a chair. Radrick gets spinebustered through it, and Everett gets a close two count. Using a dented chair, Everett goes for a quite creative submission, then climbs the top rope and misses a splash.
Radrick comes back with a dropkick and takes Everett outside to the other construction. Before Radrick reaches the top rope, Everett gets up, but ends up back on the door again after a struggle on the apron. Radrick hits a splash, then gets a three count.
Promo: Kit Osbourne stares into the distance and muses about boring blue collar towns. What I learn is that Kit Osbourne isn't great or even good at cutting promos, and apparently he has issues with Parrow.
Promo? Recap? Parrow... talks. I don't know if this is aimed at Osbourne. Or anyone in particular, for that matter.
Ryan Fox in his chalk circle announces the next match. I'm not sure these non-promos are needed, but whatever.
Match 2 – Threeway Tag Team – The Hallowed (Otis Cogar & Lord Crewe) vs. KOBK (Akira & Hardway Heeter) vs. The End (Parrow & Odinson)
The Hallowed wear all black. Cogar wears his human face mask and a shirt under a leather jacket, Crewe is shirtless under a black vest. The mask counts as accessory – a good one, but with so much black and skin coverage, that won't be enough. They also have a valet, but people never count as accessories, so that doesn't change anything.
KOBK also wear mostly black, but there's some hope here. Akira has red shorts and Heeter a white shirt.
The End – surprise, surprise – also wear black with some red. Parrow is shirtless with long black-red pants and a black belt to black boots. It's Odinson who seals their victory in trunks and loincloth with excellent exposure - although I'm not entirely sure the footwear is proper. It might just be Doc Martens.
I almost said all the black doesn't matter because there are no weapons, but during the entrance, lighttubes mysteriously appeared in the ring.
Oh, wow, wait, does this have tornado rules? Everyone is brawling, lighttubes break, next to the ring a wild ladder appears. This will be difficult to keep up with. In the ring, The Hallowed and The End involve doors; Otis Cogar death valley drives Parrow through one. Heeter and Akira wander around on the outside, then return to take over against Cogar and Crewe. After a double suplex against Cogar, everyone just sits around for a while, then it's down to Heeter vs. Crewe in the ring while Akira and Cogar inspect a piece of guardrail between chairs on the outside. Cogar doesn't seem to like it and gets the ladder. Parrow and Odinson return to the ring and take Crewe and Heeter in a double torture rack.
Meanwhile on the outside, Cogar ended up on the guardrail and Akira on the ladder. Akira hits a senton, then the camera cuts back to the ring where Odinson tried a cover. Now Akira steps up to Parrow and gets a one count after a double stomp. Cogar breaks lighttubes on Heeter on the outside. Parrow powerbombs Akira out of the ring onto everyone else. Crewe suplexes Parrow, Odinson returns and Backdrop Drivers Crewe. Cogar throws Odinson outside onto the guardrail, Heeter returns to the ring for an exchange of elbows and forearms with Cogar. Parrow almost gets a three count over Heeter, but The Hallowed's valet distracts the ref. In the end, Parrow gets a three count over Heeter anyway after a Parrow Bomb.
Masked people in hoodies attack The End, then The Hallowed. Casanova Valentine and Markus Crane show up with chairs to chase off the attackers. And then they attack The Hallowed. I have no idea what's going on anymore. Crane gets a microphone and rambles... about... something? He's bringing the party back? He built this house? Commentary doesn't know what that was all about either.
Promo video for Control Your Narrative. lol
Promo video for NPU where all weapon attacks have electric sparks edited in. lol
Promo video for ufology and cryptids. What am I watching?
Ryan Fox is shouting the announcement for the next match in his chalk circle void.
Standby screen. What? All those videos were NOT the cleanup intermission entertainment?
We're back. The ring is still being cleaned. Commentary is still debating what Crane and Valentine said. "Markus Crane was so upset that he had trouble stringing sentences together." With all due respect, I don't think being upset had anything to do with it. That's just his normal state. Super Crazy was supposed to challenge Eric Ryan for the NPU Championship, but is injured. Now there'll be a mystery opponent. There will also be some kind of six men match later. And a fatal fourway. Could we have something right now, too? Aha. There's Ryan Fox, repeating his announcement.
Match 3 – Kevin Blackwood vs. Ace Perry vs. Ace Austin
Kevin Blackwood wears hot pink trunks, proper footwear, and a black jacket with new wave gothic band patches. Weird combo, but ok. Without the jacket, it's all wrestling attire. I strongly suspect this won't be a deathmatch, so black and exposure won't matter anyway.
Ace Perry wears black trunks, proper footwear, and a white jacket. He also has something that might be a weapon. It looks like a scalpel or very long syringe. Quite out of character if that's the case.
Ace Austin wears silver-red trunks to proper footwear and a leather jacket. He has a cane. I still don't think this is going to be a hardcore match, just a weird choice of accessories. I'll probably skip although I like Perry and it's probably going to be a good match.
All jackets are gone, so I can give my fashion verdict. All three wear trunks and kickpads. It really comes down to taste. It's not a deathmatch, but I see so much black attire all the time that I'd like to reward the courage to go for colors. Problem is, Blackwood and Austin didn't go for great combos. In both cases, the hair color is a deliberate choice, too. Blackwood's mint green clashes with the hot pink; a mismatch in regards to saturation. Austin's purple hair doesn't work all that well with silver and red either, but I think I'll go with him because the outfit is overall more coherent.
Skipping ahead, it appears at least chairs got involved. Blackwood won.
Finally! Another NPU promo video! Also commercials. Ok.
Back in the arena, Ryan Fox announces Jody Threat. There's a door in the ring, as are some lighttubes.
Match 4 – Jody Threat vs. BSTRD Cassidy vs. Satu Jinn vs. Gregory Iron vs. Sawyer Wreck vs. Neil Diamond Cutter
Jody Threat is better at matching colors than the entrants of the previous match combined. Red hair, red-black attire, a good amount of wrestling gear, but I can't accept Converse as proper footwear.
What. BSTRD Cassidy wears a Silent Hill rabbit mask to a tan varsity jacket and black trunks. I don't have a clue why. The mask disappears, a possible ginger bonus card appears in its place. Proper footwear. This could really go either way.
Satu Jinn uncharacteristically wears all black. Shirtless for decent exposure, and tabi are acceptable footwear though.
Gregory Iron, representing 44OH – be still, my heart – looks to be a frontrunner in this. Black shirt, but neon-green trunks, matching kneepads, proper boots. He removes the weapons from the ring, so the deathmatch nature of this is in question.
Sawyer Wreck – how many people are in this match? - wears all black, but has decent exposure and proper boots. Not great, not terrible.
Neil Diamond Cutter wears the usual remains of a trailer park party, but he fished fairly light-colored camo shorts out of the pile today, and he's shirtless and has proper boots. Again, not great, not terrible. Why is he wearing slippers over his boots?!
Gregory Iron has a microphone. While he talks and I don't listen, I'll take inventory of the entrants. Cassidy has removed his jacket and thereby improved his ranking with the best exposure. It's still all black which isn't terribly interesting. Since the weapons are gone, I don't know if coverage and color even matter anyway.
Long story short, if this isn't a deathmatch, Jody Threat is my winner. Lots of black, fairly covered, no proper footwear, but I simply like the overall visual the best. If this is a deathmatch, Cassidy wins with the best exposure and wrestling attire ratio.
Now let's see if this is a deathmatch. Chaotic opening brawling clears the ring and leaves Jinn vs. Cassidy, the two biggest contenders. Cassidy wins their duel, Jinn rolls out, Wreck switches in, Threat replaces Cassidy, everyone else scurries around the ring. As the in-ring pairing switches to Threat vs. Iron, the first weapons are rediscovered outside.
Cutter tries to attack Iron with a carpet strip, but is disarmed and Iron diligently destroys the weapon. I see. It's one of those matches. Cassidy tries his luck with a lighttube, same result. Several Scoop Slams make Iron retreat, and Satu Jinn returns to continue his duel with Cassidy in the form of palm strikes. After a not-even-one count, Jinn retreats to the outside, and Wreck and Threat return to the ring. Cutter is back, too, but gets a nasty powerbomb from Cassidy. Iron rolls Cassidy up from behind, and I learn that this is an elimination scramble. Oh.
Jody Threat, Sawyer Wreck, and Neil Diamond Cutter attempt a three way sequence. Threat almost gets a double elimination by slamming Wreck onto Cutter and pinning both. Then they are gone and Jinn is back to get German Suplexed for a two count from Threat.
She now takes the door back to the ring and props it up in a corner, then tries to Death Valley Drive Jinn through it. However, the attempt is intercepted by a dropkick from Iron. It was just getting good and he has to interrupt with comedy again. Threat picks him up and puts him through with an Airplane Spin, then thankfully eliminates him.
Wreck floors her from behind with a lariat and pins her. Oh well. Cutter returns to engage Wreck. She throws him through a bundle of lighttubes. Jinn is back with a chair while Cutter gathers new lighttubes outside. Wreck gets chopped on the chair, Jinn gets a tiny bat – poppers by the sound it makes when Wreck hits him over the head with it. I also learn that the winner of this will be the new number one contender for something.
Wreck DDTs Jinn onto the chair, then gets a three count. Cutter dives onto her from the top rope with lighttubes, then uses Satu Jinn to keep her down for a three count. That was really last minute bloodshed with that tube senton, but in the end, it did turn into a deathmatch.
Commercials.
Ryan Fox informs me that Atticus Cogar is injured, so something changed about the next match.
Match 5 – Faith in Nothing (RSP & Vincent Nothing) vs. oVe (Jake Crist & Madman Fulton)
RSP wears black and neon-greenish-yellow pants, black jacket, proper footwear. Vincent Nothing wears white tights, black hoodie, proper footwear. Is it coincidence or heel genius that the only kind-of-44OH member who doesn't do deathmatches is the one who consistently wears white? Either way, Nothing has Pretty Privilege, so he'd win this even in Markus Crane's rags. It's not a deathmatch, so I'm not on the job and can just let my bias run wild.
Commentary acts as if it's surprising that RSP replaced Atticus Cogar with Vincent Nothing, his tag team partner of 15 years, in this tag team match. Personally, I'd call that 'expected', but I don't know how surprises work around here.
Jake Crist wears all black with red details and brought his kendo stick, Madman Fulton wears black pants, black shirt, leather vest.
Have I ever complained about mismatched tag team outfits? Back in my day, tag teams always wore matching attire. Slight variations in hair, facepaint, and size were enough to distinguish the partners. That's how it's supposed to be. Now get off my lawn.
I'm going to watch this, but by that I mean 'I'm going to watch Vincent Nothing', so as far as this review is concerned, you can assume I'm skipping because it isn't a deathmatch. Faith in Nothing won.
NPU promo videos.
Ryan Fox is back in his promo void, by now without chalk circles, to announce the next match. Again, something changed. This used to be a tag team match between AJ Gray and the Rejects, but Gray is injured, so now it's something else.
Match 6 – Lighttubes, Carpet Strips & Gusset Board – Reed Bentley vs. Remington Rhor
Bentley wears all black. Singlet and jeans shorts, but at least matching belt and boots. He also already looks somewhat battered. As did Akira earlier. Commentary keeps alluding to something, possibly another show the day before, but never explains.
Remington Rhor also wears black jeans shorts and proper footwear to his mustard-yellow vest, but he's shirtless and has an accessory in the form of his mask. No machete, but the exposure alone is enough to give him the victory here. I also want to compliment his attention to detail. There are subtle golden details on his kickpads which makes the golden belt a match. Black/black is easy – although some people still manage to fail at fashion 101 basics. As soon as another color is involved, the number of people who get it right sees a sharp decline. Yes, black, jeans shorts, mustard-yellow, but Rhor is not without skill when it comes to fashion.
The match begins with Bentley throwing a bundle of tubes at Rhor before taking the action to the outside. After some chops, Rhor goes against the ring post and Bentley continues the onslaught with tubes. Apparently that woke Rhor up because he now fights back with tubes of his own. Bentley regains the advantage with a suplex, then sets up a board against the stairs.
Oh boy. That almost went wrong. After getting picked up for a powerbomb, Bentley just barely got Rhor rolled up for a two count instead of dropping head first onto the concrete. He drops the board onto Rhor, then smashes lighttubes, including a tube-fan. They return to the ring where the gusset board is still waiting. After a back and forth with forearms, Bentley floors Rhor with a lighttube-enhanced lariat for another two count. Rhor wards off an attack with a big carpet strip weapon with a lighttube, then seizes the carpet strips for himself.
After some forearm strikes, Bentley gets a chair and places a bundle of tubes on it, toe drops Rhor onto it, then gets another two count. Rhor makes a comeback with a powerslam onto the now empty chair and also gets a two out of it. He places another tube bundle, but Bentley kicks out again after going through it. Bizarrely, Bentley gets a three count after a running knee strike – and the gusset board remains intact.
Commercials.
It's so weird that commentary keeps calling Four-Four-Oh 'Forty-Four-Oh'. The ring is being prepared with lighttube bundles.
Match 7 – NPU Championship – Eric Ryan (C) vs. Mickie Knuckles
Eric Ryan is 44OH's green power ranger today. Coherent, matching colors, fairly covered, lots of black, no sports/wrestling attire. I like him better in yellow. Commentary calls him 'the Enforcer'. Isn't that Bobby Beverly's nickname?
His surprise opponent is Mickie Knuckles. Regular readers know that means I'll be skipping.
Promo videos. A woman wanders around in the woods and spraypaints logs for a camp fire.
Ryan Fox is back in his void. What are these pre-recorded announcements supposed to do? Fox isn't even a good speaker or actor. It's just weird.
Match 8 – Fatal Four Way – Sonico vs. Orin Veidt vs. Shane Mercer vs. Lucky 13
Sonico wears black pants to a black shirt, but also a white mask/facepaint double whammy, white gloves, white kickpads. Lots of black, fairly covered, but it could be much worse. Orin Veidt wears a blue-white jersey, black tights, proper footwear. I expect the jersey to disappear, so it's going to be all black, ok exposure, 100 % wrestling attire. Shane Mercer wears an orange tank top to black trunks and proper footwear. The one ginger who isn't afraid of colors and knows which ones work for him. In his entire career, Mercer hasn't had a single color faux pas which is quite impressive. Lucky 13 wears black capri shorts and white sneakers which isn't acceptable footwear in my book.
As expected, Veidt's jersey disappears and there's a white belt to match the kickpads. This is a good, coherent look, second only to the inverted version with white as the dominant color. However, today this is only good enough for the silver medal. Shane Mercer also removed his shirt. Since he's the only one in trunks, that translates to the best exposure. Thanks to the purple details, his color game is also still stronger than the black-white trio.
In the ring are doors and lighttubes, and it's one fall. Orin Veidt and Lucky 13 notice their similar outfits and compare. Maybe Lucky will find some inspiration to improve his footwear situation.
Now that's unexpected. A classic lucha opening, Mercer and Sonico vs. Veidt and 13 who gain the early advantage with simultaneous dropkicks. Instead of following up, they start to argue and get chased off by Mercer and Sonico – who don't hesitate to fight each other. A pop-up power slam floors Sonico. Lucky 13 returns to the ring and immediately finds himself in a Military Press. Sonico tries to shove Mercer off balance. It doesn't work and Lucky gets yeeted onto Veidt on the outside. It's back to Mercer and Sonico, but not for long. The latter gets backflipped over the top rope onto Veidt and 13, then a triple team up prevents Mercer's dive to the outside. Now Veidt engages Sonico while 13 wanders off.
Sonico goes into the chairs, Mercer shoves 13 against random objects in the back. Sonico and Veidt move back toward the ring where the former gets slammed through a door. In the back, Lucky 13 floors Mercer with a thrown tire, then sets up something out of frame. When the camera cuts back from the brawl at ringside, Lucky lost the advantage and there's another door. Veidt engages Mercer while Lucky climbs a guardrail, Sonico joins them to get floored along with everyone else with a moonsault from Lucky.
Lucky 13 and Veidt return to the ring; Sonico follows shortly after. Nobody seems too interested in the lighttubes and there's some good actual wrestling instead. Lucky got a first two count as some point, but now Sonico is in control and takes Veidt to the top rope. He's intercepted and suplexed all across the ring by Mercer, who proceeds to pick Lucky 13 up and goes to the top rope – where Veidt still sits – to try a Moonsault'n'Battery. Veidt naturally interferes and had he moved a bit a faster, this would have been awesome. As it was, Mercer waited with Lucky for a good while before Veidt slipped under them to powerbomb Mercer who at the same time Moonsault'n'Batteried Lucky.
Mercer gets a two count over Lucky after that, which is interrupted by Sonico who gets a two over Mercer shortly after, but then eats a Vertical Suplex from him.
Lucky 13 and Veidt team up with elbows, chops, and finally kicks against Mercer, but get floored with a double lariat after. Mercer picks both up and Sonico floors all three with a crossbody from the top rope.
Sonico spits green mist in Mercer's face which allows Lucky to hit a springboard cutter and drag Mercer to a corner, behind a door. Veidt assault drivers Lucky through the door, then gets caught with an Impaler DDT by Sonico who almost gets a three count. Sonico gets chairs, sets up the remaining door and puts the lighttube bundle on it. Veidt counters and after great difficulty puts Sonico through his construction. He follows up with an elbow drop, then gets a three count.
Fantastic match, light on the 'death', heavy on good wrestling, good flow, but unfortunately a very underwhelming finish. Orin Veidt is now the number one contender for... I assume the NPU Championship because I don't think they have another singles title. Now that I think about it, didn't Neil Diamond Cutter already become no. 1 contender earlier? Maybe NPU does have another title.
Promo video. Matthew Justice beats up Orin Veidt in various bathrooms. Ok.
Ryan Fox pursues his futile dream of going to Hollywood once again, announcing the main event in his void.
Match 9 – 100 Lighttubes (?) - John Wayne Murdoch vs. Masada
This is what I mean when I say Shane Mercer is the only ginger who understands colors. John Wayne Murdoch almost got it right with dark blue – but because his choices appear to be entirely random, there's also mustard-yellow involved. Black shorts, black shirt, proper footwear.
Masada wears what Masada has worn since the day of his debut: black shirt and by now ratty tan shorts. Neither outfit is great. Masada's shorts have a color advantage, Murdoch's don't look like he found them in a dumpster. His head is shaved, so the ginger bonus card is not in play today, which leaves me no choice but to call this a draw.
Two ring sides are fenced with lighttubes, and there are loose tubes. Commentary hints at unseen weapons. I too would bet money on Masada having skewers somewhere because that's usually a very safe bet.
The match begins with lock-ups and neither gaining an advantage. A test of strength transitions into chain wrestling and quick roll-up attempts. Both get shoved into the lighttubes. They don't seem to break well, so Masada smashes a few, then gets carved with the remains. Murdoch smashes some, too, and the brawl spills out into the crowd. There is one of these unseen weapons: After a struggle, Masada suplexes Murdoch through a door in the back of the venue.
They wander back toward the ring for more tube smashing and choking on the apron. Back in the ring, Masada has the upper hand and takes Murdoch into a Camel Clutch, but lets go and instead returns to tube smashing and choking Murdoch with a chair.
After a Sunset Flip, Murdoch evades a punch, Masada hits the chair, and ultimately gets floored with a Flatliner, then kicks out at two. After a lariat, Murdoch gets another two count. He stacks tubes in a corner, but goes through them with an armdrag shortly after.
Masada arranges a chair in a corner and smashes Murdoch against it. Schwartzy claims accidentally breaking all the tubes is a strategy to weaken Murdoch with the fumes. I don't know, man. If it really worked that way, it would be a pretty stupid strategy if you too stand in the fumes. Anyway, Murdoch puts Masada in the corner with a dropkick, breaking more tubes in the process.
A lighttube duel ensues with the few tubes that remain, then Masada sets up a chair and gets brainbustered onto it for a two count. As usual, Murdoch is doing all of the bleeding and Masada barely has a scratch. There are the skewers. What a surprise. Murdoch gets them in the head, then a knee strike, then Masada gets a three count.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Overall, this is a pretty entertaining show. Much, much better than the no ring shows I've seen from NPU for sure. Having a real ring and a spacious venue can really work wonders. What would also have helped: Cutting Ryan Fox' bizarre villain monologing/announcements and the commercials. Without that, the total run-time is probably under 3 hours.
MOTN was the Fatal Four Way despite the underwhelming finish and light use of weapons. I won't name a runner-up because I skipped the likely candidate – Blackwood vs. Perry vs. Austin – due to it's not-deathmatch nature, and don't have a clear deathmatch runner-up. The opener was good, but more hardcore than deathmatch. Bentley vs. Rhor was too short at just over 5 minutes. Masada didn't bleed in a lighttubes-based main event and I'm just tired of seeing him not bleed in deathmatches. The multi-men matches were quite chaotic. The tag team match was more brutal, the six way had better wrestling.
Best Dressed was Shane Mercer with excellent exposure, decent overall colors, 100 % wrestling attire. Runner-up was Odinson for very similar reasons, only falling short on footwear.
With nobody doing double duty, I can't pick a real MVP and will just say it was Schwartzy on commentary because he had the longest shift.