IWA-MS King of the Death Matches 2016

How I lost the patronage of the last Doge of Venice

Confusingly, both IWTV and Cagematch have the card order wrong, or at least the first round in reverse since the video starts with the 4th match. At first, I thought my memory was jumbled because of distractions that will likely become obvious later on, but no. I actually remembered it right all along: the match I'm here for is further back on the card. That's good news for you, the esteemed reader. It means at least some of this review will be coherent.

This show makes things easy to follow: all matches in round 1 will be elimination four ways.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Four Corners of Pain Carpet Strips Fishhook Ropes - Joseph Schwartz vs. DJ Hyde vs. Devon Moore vs. Reed Bentley

Match 2 – 100 Lighttubes - Jeff Cannonball vs. Brad Cash vs. Bryant Woods vs. Matt Tremont

Match 3 – Barbed Wire Boards Pits of Gusset Plates Pits of Alcohol - Dale Patricks vs. Markus Crane vs. Josh Crane vs. RSP

Match 4 – Fans Bring The Weapons - Jeff King vs. Conor Claxton vs. Deadly Dale vs. John Wayne Murdoch

Recap

ROUND 2

FINAL

Final Thoughts

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Four Corners of Pain Carpet Strips Fishhook Ropes - Joseph Schwartz vs. DJ Hyde vs. Devon Moore vs. Reed Bentley

Are the stipulations also wrong? I copied it from Cagematch, but according to commentary, it's called an 'extreme match' with mouse traps, thumbtacks, insulation and glass. There are carpet strips on the ropes, but I don't see fishhooks. That's not a complaint.

Schwartzy wears all black, long pants, but the shirt might count as sports wear and he has accessories. DJ Hyde wears black shirt and jeans shorts, Devon Moore blueish-grey shirt and jeans shorts, and the Deathmatch Fashion Police is already ready to go home. Come on, Reed Bentley, give me a singlet at least! Aww, Reed, why you gotta do me dirty like that? Black shirt, dark-blue jeans shorts. I guess that makes Schwartzy the winner. Maybe I should rate who looks least like a wrestler in such cases; a deathmatch fashion golden raspberry award. Could be fun, but then, it's low hanging fruit when Devon Moore is around.

Unsurprisingly, this is mostly a brawl and much of it takes place on the outside. The first big spot is Moore diving off a truck onto the other three, then Schwartzy and Moore find their way into the ring again. Bentley takes the two big insulation... things... strips? What do you call them? into the ring, DJ Hyde is missing in action while Schwartzy and Bentley double suplex Moore onto it. Their temporary alliance breaks up after that, and Schwartzy – who I'd cautiously call the carry since he seems to be keeping things together – rediscovers Hyde on the outside.

Bentley is the master-at-arms for sure. He now also brings the mouse trap board into the ring, then goes into it face-first himself. Things slow down while Schwartzy gathers plunder, this time a thumbtack pit which he also sets on fire. I'm not sure it's still burning when Bentley Pepsi Plunges Schwartzy through it, but DJ Hyde steals his pin. Hyde and Bentley argue, then brawl, and Bentley smashes lighttubes on Hyde, but it ends with Hyde eliminating him after a choke slam. Moore follows him in defeat after a lariat shortly after.

I'm a sucker for stolen pins, so this twist pleases me. The match was somewhat uncoordinated in the first half, but the finish makes clear that there's direction in this. Hyde, the CZW invader, gets in the face of IWA-MS favorite Bentley, mows through the competition and is smug about it. Credit where credit is due: Hyde is a fantastic heel.

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Match 2 – 100 Lighttubes - Jeff Cannonball vs. Brad Cash vs. Bryant Woods vs. Matt Tremont

Cannonball wears all black except for red boots. At least he has a singlet under the t-shirt. It's something. After the fashion catastrophe before this match, I appreciate the small things. Brad Cash can't score either; black shirt to jeans shorts, black-white boots. Too bad I don't consider entrance themes because Cash is really good with those. Finally! Somebody takes this competition serious. Bryant Woods also has a black shirt, boots and kickpads, but white pants. Matt Tremont is all in black though. Easy victory for Woods. It would be a tougher choice who has the better origin – Cash from 'the Westboro Baptist Church' or Woods from 'Muscle Shoals, Alabama'.

It's a more orderly opening than the first match, split in two pairs. Cannonball vs. Woods, Tremont vs. Cash have their respective elbow and forearm strike duels. Tremont and Cannonball emerge victorious and duke it out while Woods stalks Cash with a lighttube bundle on the outside. Woods provides the first big spot with a top rope moonsault to the outside. His hand injury seems to be as bad as it looks; Cannonball joins the others while Woods gets taped up.

Back in the ring, Tremont and Cannonball are the last men standing after smashing lighttubes. A first pin attempt from Tremont on Cash gets only a two. Cannonball pulls Tremont out of the ring to continue the brawl against Cash, and Tremont gets carved up by Woods on the outside. Cannonball hits a cannonball against Cash through a lighttube cross, but Cash kicks out again. Moments later, Cash rolls up Cannonball for the first elimination. Woods immediately catches him with a German Suplex though, and eliminates Cash right after. Tremont Death Valley Drives Woods through a lighttube bundle and gets a three count, and thereby advances.

A pretty balanced match, and again, no early eliminations. For the amount of lighttubes – which were on the canvas, not attached to the ropes – it was also not really a smashfest. Lots of brawling, but it wasn't just a constant breaking of glass.

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Match 3 – Barbed Wire Boards Pits of Gusset Plates Pits of Alcohol - Dale Patricks vs. Markus Crane vs. Josh Crane vs. RSP

Holy shit, Patricks looks so young. Black shirt, white shorts, red kneepads, black boots/kickpads. That's a good start; not all black and a good sports wear ratio. What stands out to me is that, unlike many others, he started out with a buzzed or shaved head and nowadays has hair. A rare reversal! In stark contrast to Patricks, Markus Crane gives Devon Moore a run for his money in the on-going race to look least like a wrestler with the rattiest (long) black jeans in the competition and black sneakers. Given a choice between the two gas stations, I'd fill my tank up at Moore's because he looks like the clerk, not like the guy about to rob the gas station. Patricks' shirt comes off after Crane's entrance. That makes his outfit primarily white with some red - Patricks is now the one to beat. The other Crane – Josh – has a 100 % wrestling gear ratio; white-red and black. Strong showing from both Young Dragons. RSP leaves it to them to duke it out, wearing all black. Based on color and exposed skin, Patricks is the clear winner.

MY GOD. Nick Maniwa confirms my worst fears. The 'pit' of rubbing alcohol is really a pool! My old enemy has caught up with me yet again! Thankfully, there are only barbed wire boards, a gusset plate pit, and the Young Dragons in the ring right now though. Unfortunately, it doesn't last long and turns into a Crane vs. Crane chop duel. The action moves outside, but it stays Page vs. Patricks and Crane vs. Crane. The camera seems undecided which pair to follow and ends up jumping around quite a bit. After a while, the two Cranes return to the ring, Patricks and Page follow shortly after. The Young Dragons keep up the wrestling move ratio, then a four way smash fest ensues and leaves everyone floored.

The first elimination comes after Josh Crane hits a Drake's Landing against Markus Crane. That should help the wrestling move ratio for the rest of the match. It does immediately; things get fast and furious and a spectacular sequence ends with Patricks getting a three count out of Page. Both Young Dragons are red from head to toe. This match is the goriest so far, courtesy of these two alone.

The pace goes down, a gusset plate duel ensues. The ref is carrying a barbed wire lawn chair into the ring and doesn't get back in time for Crane's cover. Crane slams Patricks into the newly added weapon, but Patricks kicks out. Same result from Patricks' Blue Thunder Bomb. These two know what they are doing. The ref – who may actually be Jimmy Lloyd, now that I look at him - doesn't. The remains of the rubbing alcohol pool are heaved into the ring by Crane, but a counter from Patricks puts Crane into it for a three count.

The match after Markus Crane's elimination makes a case for the MOTN trophy.

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Match 4 – Fans Bring The Weapons - Jeff King vs. Conor Claxton vs. Deadly Dale vs. John Wayne Murdoch

Here's Dale Patricks' new arch rival: Jeff King wears a white singlet and immediately begins to dig through the weapons to bring more to the ring. With 100 % white wrestling attire, he's the frontrunner, but I'm not counting Patricks out just yet. As Jimmy Lloyd has proven in the past, it's not all about wearing white. It's also about properly soaking it in red. Conor Claxton wears a white shirt to black trunks, but it doesn't matter because nothing could tarnish true beauty anyway. Deadly Dale, who kind of looks like Josh Crane's dad, breaks the streak of white and exposed skin with a black shirt and black-red camo-ish shorts, but at least wears proper boots. I'm honestly not sure who this guy is. According to profightdb he had a total of 6 matches across 3 years (4 in IWA-MS, 2 in JCW) and didn't do anything after this tournament. He gets rid of the shirt before the bell though. Murdoch also has a black shirt, tan shorts, but who cares. His head isn't shaved.

My ginger prince wears his crown.

This is peak, and I feel helpless and angry about my inability to time travel, become an Italian renaissance painter, and immortalize this moment in oil. While I revel in the tragedy of not being a tortured artist in the late Middle Ages, Reed Bentley joins commentary. That's always welcome.

Fashion frontrunner King gets thrown out onto the shopping cart he placed at ringside right away, Deadly Dale follows shortly after. In my mind, elegant brush strokes capture poetry in motion in my imaginary Venetian atelier. I mean, chain wrestling. Between Claxton and Murdoch. The latter wins their duel, and Claxton swaps places with Jeff King. The actual wrestling ratio is pretty high for a four way FBTW, and surprisingly, Deadly Dale contributes quite a bit to that. He's the first to try covers and gets two counts on Claxton and King. Murdoch ends his streak with a Koji Clutch, making Dale the first elimination. Can't have two Dales in the next round, just like there'd be a 1 Crane limit.

King already looks like he partied in a slaughterhouse, showing once again why white gets the most points in the Best Dressed competition. After he misses a leg drop onto a lighttube ironing board, Murdoch gets a three count over him.

It's Murdoch vs. Claxton now, the latter with a pretty nasty knee injury and a limp. After a piledriver onto something that might be drawers, Claxton gets a first two count out of Murdoch. Shortly after, Murdoch Deep South Destroys him onto a bundle of lighttubes and gets a three count to advance.

I wonder where the Louvre would display my imaginary renaissance painting.

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INTERMISSION, RECAP

It's a really strong first round. The setups and stipulations scream 'smashfest' in every match, but not one of them turns out that way. It's methodical madness, good pacing of spots, and good balance in all of them (although in the case of the 3rd match, this also refers to eliminating Markus Crane first and giving the three others more time without that hinderance). While I'm obviously very biased toward the 4th match for late medieval art reasons, the strongest performance was the face off between the Young Dragons, both in terms of wrestling and gore.

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ROUND 2

Match 1 – World Series of Glass – Dale Patricks vs. Matt Tremont

Dale Patricks' outfit has naturally improved. The formerly white shorts are now various shades of red, and he added new pristine white in the form of bandages. Almost makes me wonder if he peeked at my rating system. Tremont is still all in black, so this is a very easy decision in favor of Patricks.

There are several lighttube contraptions and no other weapons which makes me hopeful for a World Series that isn't confusing and hard to keep track off for once. Nick Maniwa is helping as well, saying it's 4 out 7 – while Tremont and Patricks try to pin each other anyway. When Patricks slams Tremont off the top rope 'through' a log cabin, it becomes evident that they are a bit too large and too cumbersome to move around. Patricks takes the lead with 3:0 though, and the wrestling move game is strong so far. Thankfully, Patricks finds a more compact log cabin on the outside. Tremont catches up to 3:3 quickly, and wins with a final Death Valley Driver shortly after. A fairly short match, but again, by no means a mindless smashfest. Nice pacing with the long lead for Patricks, too.

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Match 2 – FBTW (according to Cagematch) Home Run Derby (according to Nick Maniwa) – DJ Hyde vs. John Wayne Murdoch

No outfit change for Hyde. He's still high on the gas station clerk scale except for the boots, but it's a slightly classier gas station than Moore's. Who cares. In a few moments, I probably won't even remember Hyde is there.

Nightly Venice lies beneath my atelier's arched marble window in silence. Toothpick bats, lighttube bundles, barbed wire boards, and other plunder lines the moonlit banks of the canals. The air is heavy with scents of burnt incense, blood, and roses. Somewhere behind me, in the tenebrous maze of my manse, an unfinished portrait of Doge Ludovico Manin outside the magnificent Palazzo Ducale waits under a paint-stained cloth. My patron will pay handsomely for it, pompous and soulless as it is. But I will not complete it tonight. No, tonight, a greater purpose calls to me. Tonight, a divine spark guides my hand. The brush dances on the canvas; a symphony of tawny, crimson, and pale incarnate. I am possessed by the angel – or demon - of artistry; a mere vessel for the brilliance of a higher power, that's all I am. My soul burns with inspiration. I will not rest until I committed my muse's will to the canvas. The world must remember. Scarlet sprinkles glimmer in the nocturnal twilight, silver moonlight gleams on the barbed wire's elegant curves. Nothing can stop my frenzy, not even the depletion of my paint. History would never forgive me if I let this moment fade away. This is my destiny. And so I continue with blood, sweat, and tears; add facettes I didn't know human hands could accomplish to my magnum opus with uncanny ease.

When dawn breaks, and the amber sun colors the marble arches of my atelier golden, my hands are blistered and red. Paint or blood, I cannot tell, nor do I care. It has been done. A moment of amaranthine grace and radiant beauty has been captured on my canv...

No! Stop! You don't understand! Take your filthy paws of my thesaurus! I haven't even used 'elysian' or 'pulchritudinous' yet! I need those to compare this match to French impressionist paintings! What are you doing? Is that a tranq gun?

Where were we? Round 2, Home Run Derby. Very entertaining match. A lot of outside brawling done right. This was probably the most brutal match on the card, with some hideous toothpick bat shots. I don't have the highest opinion of DJ Hyde as a person, but he was an excellent foil for Murdoch. The earlier setup with Hyde screwing Bentley out of a three count was brought to a satisfying conclusion, the match had non-stop action and great intensity, and that wasn't only Murdoch's doing. I often remark that he drags less skilled opponents to better matches, but that wasn't the case here. Too bad Hyde is a bit of a sleazebag because unlike most of his sleazebag peers, he can pull his weight in a match.

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FINAL

House of Horrors – Matt Tremont vs. John Wayne Murdoch

Your IWTV account has been temporarily restricted due to harrassment complaints from the user 'museum@louvre.fr' against you. Access to the match you are trying to watch will be reinstated once the matter has been resolved.

Weird, I've never seen this warning before. Anyway, thankfully I have the match memorized bell to bell, so here we go. No outfit changes, and Murdoch's tan shorts are enough to beat Tremont's all black. What's more of a problem than outfit choices is the stipulation. If I wanted to nitpick, I'd point out that the terminology is wrong. This is a 200 Lighttubes match, not a House of Horrors – which would require hanging tubes in addition to the tube-fenced ropes. But I'm not nitpicky today. My issue is the visibility.

The ring is fenced tightly with lighttubes that are taller than Murdoch and Tremont, with only one opening facing the entrance. That heralds a bit of a smashfest just to make the match visible. Not ideal. Reed Bentley replaces RSP on commentary again. That's closer to ideal although I also liked Randi West who did commentary during round 1.

Instead of the expected smashfest, Murdoch and Tremont sit down for a slugfest that turns into a headbutt duel, then back into a slugfest and knocks both to the ground. A brief smashfest follows, and both end up on the mat again. A first wrestling move, then a first pinfall attempt from Tremont; Flatliner from Murdoch for the same, but the kickouts are quick. Forehead carving with a bbq fork. Murdoch goes into a smashing frenzy against Tremont on the top rope, which ends with a superplex through a pile of tubes and a first two count over Tremont.

The action moves outside where Tremont gets the upper hand with a disposale razor bat, then sets up a door between the apron and a chair. An exchange of punches and uppercuts sees Tremont stay in charge. Although a lot of glass has already been broken and both are gushing, it's not as smashfesty as House of Horrors matches typically are. The dreaded toothpick bat makes a comeback, this time to Tremont's disadvantage. The brawl returns to the ring, by now cleared up some more, and Murdoch frees another part of the ropes from the tubes. His attempt to hit a Deep South Destroyer is countered; Tremont Death Valley Drivers him instead for a close two count. Tremont tries to follow up with a Frog Splash, but Murdoch catches him in a Koji Clutch instead and Tremont taps. About 40 % of the tubes are still intact in the end – or in other words: there really wasn't as much 'mindless smashing for the sake of smashing' as I feared.

Impressive how I have the match memorized, isn't it?

Tremont puts Murdoch over and during his brief speech, I realize that the IWA-MS vs. CZW story involved him all along. I don't have time to ponder it though as Ian Rotten gets his hands on the microphone. Instead of congratulating his boy Murdoch, he tries to take credit for Tremont's upcoming trip to Japan. Jesus Christ. Rotten proceeds to claim that the accussations of him stealing money are untrue, and if I caught that correctly, shoots against Corporal Robinson, too. Jesus fucking Christ. I can't not mention that Murdoch says in his victory speech – yes, Ian eventually does let go of the mic – that he's not doing it for the money. He truly was always wise beyond his years.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

All my not even thinly veiled biases aside, this was a very strong tournament with a clear story arc. Easy recommendation. Tremont's role going over my head until after the final isn't the fault of the booking, but my 2024 mindset. (Definitely not me getting distracted with fever dreams of vandalizing the Louvre because I never had those.) I just don't connect Tremont to CZW anymore because he's done a lot elsewhere ever since. There was a very clear path to victory for Murdoch – defeating one CZW guy each step of the way, with the previous KOTDM as the final obstacle. It all made perfect sense, and in addition to strong booking, there were also no weak matches.

Saying that Murdoch was the MVP is just stating the obvious, and it's probably not a surprise that I consider DJ Hyde to be the runner-up in this regard. As Mr. CZW, he was the true foil in the story, although not the final boss. Again, no surprise: Murdoch vs. Hyde was the MOTN for that reason, but I'd rate the Patricks vs. Josh Crane vs. RSP part of the first round match slightly above the final (giving wrestling quality precedence over storytelling which was just as strong in the final as in Murdoch vs. Hyde).

Best Dressed comes down to Jeff King vs. Dale Patricks. The latter ultimately had the advantage of a second match to make the most of his white attire, but this was a very close call.

Actual Venetian renaissance oil painting by me.

I regret nothing.

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