VOW Lord of Anarchy 2015

After the disenchanting Carnage Cup 14, I decided to escape to better days. Many moons ago, I had the idea to review shows in chronological order. That went out of the window because oh look, a bird! - but now seems a good time to give it another shot and start with the oldest shows on my list.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Thumbtacks to Infinity – Gory vs. Patrick Hayes

Match 2 – Clockwork Orange Tag Team – Eric Ryan & Conor Claxton vs. Tripp Cassidy & Superbeast

Match 3 – Playtime is over – Derek Direction vs. Matt Tremont

Match 4 – Lighttube Prison – G-Raver vs. Masada

SEMI FINALS

FINAL

Final Thoughts

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It is September 2015 and we're in Fairmont, West Virginia to take a look at Vicious Outcast Wrestling's first Lord of Anarchy. When I open the stream, what greets me is 'Filmed and Edited by Damian Lynch' on the bottom of the video. Aha! If the editing is trash, I will know exactly who to blame! Excellent.

The announcer wears a tuxedo with a bow tie. This is so classy. He also informs me that the entire show takes place under VOW rules which is basically the same thing as classic IWA-MS rules. No count out, no DQ, anything goes. Also, anyone can challenge for the VOW title at any time and any place 'as long as a ring is present'. More promotions should make that a rule.

All participants are called to the ring. I already see several contenders for the most gas station look, and a potential Best Dressed frontrunner in Derek Direction with a white shirt and a neon green-yellow singlet.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – VOW Title Match Thumbtacks to Infinity – Gory vs. Patrick Hayes (C)

Jason Gory wears a red jeans vest over a grey shirt, ripped jeans, a mask, and proper boots. Without the mask and zombie contacts, this would rank high on the gas station scale. The one clear positive is the lack of black. The mask comes off and reveals some minor face paint. That's a small plus. Patrick Hayes also wears a grey shirt to blue jeans and proper boots, but he's far less accessorized. Gory also gets rid of the red vest during the judging time window, so overall, I'll give this win to him.

For some reason, the match has 2 boards, trash cans, one roller skate, a thumbtack tiki torch, and a bat. Somehow, I expected more thumbtacks. Hayes is the current VOW champion. That might be important to know, seeing the rules about challenging for it were made a big deal.

Gory immediately attacks with the tiki torch, and the camera immediately has issues filming around the trash cans and boards. According to commentary – which I can hear, and which sounds like two perfectly normal commentators with functional microphones – all weapons are covered in thumbtacks. It's a bit of an overstatement, but yeah, there are some.

The match has some wrestling, some brawling, and the tiki torch seems to be the favorite weapon. A small scaffold or industrial shelf is added to the match by Hayes. It has wheels which initially made me think that's a bad idea, but Hayes uses it as a battering ram instead of trying to climb it. Gory finds a bag of thumbtacks and sunset flip powerbombs Hayes into them for a first close two count. Shortly after, Hayes piledrivers Gory into the thumbtacks and I notice that he wears a white belt to black boots. Thank god I already named Gory the fashion winner! Hayes wins the match though and keeps his title.

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Match 2 – Clockwork Orange Tag Team – Eric Ryan & Conor Claxton vs. Tripp Cassidy & Superbeast

Should I blame my face blindness or my distraction with the eye candy? Without the on-screen graphic, I would have sworn this is Bam Sullivan, not Eric Ryan. Anyway. Claxton wears his usual attire, black trunks, black shirt, black kickpads, which isn't great color-wise, but scores pretty high due to exposure and wrestling attire ratio. Ryan also wears a black shirt, black-red kickpads, but doesn't keep up in the wrestling gear department by wearing ripped black jeans shorts.

Then comes the team of TCS Petrol, a name I got from a '50 ideas for your gas station' blog. Cassidy pairs a black singlet with a blue jeans vest and a black beanie, Superbeast wears a black shirt to jeans shorts and a plastic bone necklace. Both have proper boots, but it's all over the place. Their one advantage are the colors. Cassidy's singlet has a little blue, but he keeps the vest on. Difficult. Claxton has Pretty Privilege, and although my brain still hasn't processed that this isn't Bam Sullivan, Ryan's black jeans blend in better with the rest and look less gas station, so I guess I'll give the victory to them.

Creative stipulation for sure. There's chickenwire on two ringsides, a staple gun that is chained to the ropes, a pizza cutter, a box of Christmas ornaments (a bit early in September, but ok), and some kind of thick rope. I don't know why there's a tag team match in the tournament though. Apparently, it's tornado tag rules.

It starts off with Claxton and Sulli... Ryan rushing their opponents in the corners. Superbeast finds a wrench – not Claxton's – chained to the corner and chokes Ryan with it. The pairs switch. Cassidy is now on the outside with Ryan, Superbeast and Claxton stay in the ring and struggle to shove each other into the barbed wire that is on the chickenwire. In a moment of uncharacteristic showmanship, Ryan slaps Superbeast's ass to save his partner. Cassidy returns to the ring, to get kicked right out again by Claxton – who then takes the chained cheesegrater and unchains it. Oh. I thought the weapons were meant to stay on the chains.

Lots of brawling, most of the time in pairs – one in the ring, the other on the outside. The various weapons get used, but things stay fairly tame. The classy announcer really talked things up earlier, even used the 'not for the faint of heart' phrase, but so far it's more 'hardcore' than 'deathmatch'.

The finish is nice and fits the theme of Cassidy not caring one bit when his partner was in tough spots while Ryan and Claxton worked together a bit better: Claxton gets his wrench, Superbeast his dinosaur bone. Metal beats bone, and after a suplex from Ryan, Claxton manages to roll up Cassidy for a quick pinfall. He and Ryan advance, then Claxton attacks Ryan for good measure.

I neither know why there was a tag team match when all other first round matches appear to be 1 vs. 1, nor do I see the 'Clockwork Orange' in the stipulation. Oh well. The show is still young, and if all else fails, I at least have my eye candy.

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Match 3 – Playtime is over – Derek Direction vs. Matt Tremont

Strong showing from Derek Direction with a neon-yellow singlet under a white shirt, a fanny pack – and one kickpad. Not sure how that fits the theme, but there is one and he has the best color game so far. Tremont stands no chance, wearing all black, but his sports wear ratio is solid.

The stipulation includes two boards with puzzle pieces, and two trays with legos. Derek Direction heels it up from the moment he enters, so I expect actual storytelling in this. They start off with chain wrestling, until Direction takes a lego tray to the face. The brawl continues outside where Direction finds another weapon, a plastic playhouse. Both are bleeding two minutes in. Tremont seems confused by the sparse weapon selection and arms himself with a chair. More legos turn up as the match goes on, and they really make the most of what they have. Good pacing, good intensity. So far, it's my favorite match. Tremont advances after putting Direction through one of the boards and most of the loose legos.

After the match, Direction accepts the handshake Tremont offers, then attacks him.

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Whoa. Where did all these lighttubes come from? After three very tame stipulations, there are suddenly about a 100 lighttubes, regular and long, as well as some lighttube contraptions and a crutch.

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Match 4 – Lighttube Prison – G-Raver vs. Masada

G-Raver, living proof that not all gingers are pretty, makes a strong showing with a mask-facepaint combo and an off-white wifebeater, but all his sports wear – shorts and kickpads – is black. Masada wears the exact same outfit he has been wearing for the past decade or so. As much as it pains me, I have to give the victory in this duel to the meth fiend. He's no threat to Derek Direction's neon singlet though.

They start off with chain wrestling and stay away from the tubes for a little while, until Raver dropkicks Masada into a corner. The action continues outside. It appears lighttubes don't make for the best prison bars because that was a really quick escape. They stay outside for a long time. Wrestling moves become sparse, and that trend continues once they finally get back to the ring. As so often, Masada delivers a slow motion beatdown. Tubes break, but there's still very little blood. Wrestling moves make a return, unfortunately with a drawn out submission attempt from Masada. Then tubes get smashed. A powerbomb through a lighttube table from Masada brings some excitement back to the match. It would have been a good finish, but the match continues in the ring and slows back down. Commentary informs me that 15 minutes have passed. After a series of Brainbusters, Masada is declared the winner although it sure looked like Raver had his shoulder up at two.

This was much too long and much too slow for my taste, with too long pauses between moves. But hey, at least I won't have to endure the edgelord meth head again. That's something.

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Semi Finals

Match 1 - Barbed Wire Tables, Ladders, Chairs Triple Threat VOW Anarchy Championship Title Match – Eric Ryan vs. Conor Claxton vs. Patrick Hayes (C)

Geez. That's just a missed opportunity to throw 'World Series' and 'Texas Death' rules into the mix as well. Does nobody think about formatting of long stipulation names in reviews? Anyway. No outfit change for Bam Ryan or Conor Claxton. They start brawling before the third entrant is even announced. Maybe this is also a gauntlet match? Nope, Hayes enters and he has switched to a black shirt and black shorts that at least qualify as sports wear. Rough fashion round, this one. Claxton's trunks give him a slight edge in regards to wrestling attire and exposure, so the victory goes to him. Although, seeing the weaponry, I doubt the reasoning of my rating system matters here. Dark colors and high skin coverage get bad scores because neither shows off blood very well, so unless these three go all out with the little barbed wire they have, I don't see it making a visual difference.

Claxton and Ryan keep ignoring Anarchy champion Hayes and just continue their brawl. From what I can tell, their feud is based only on the attack after their tag match which in turn was based on a minor miscommunication that didn't end up costing them the victory. Oh well. Not every story can be an epic. Hayes reminds them that he exists with a rather awkward outside dive – awkward because the ceiling is so low that he can't stand upright on the turnbuckle.

Once they enter the ring, the match turns out to be quite entertaining. Good intensity, good balance between wrestling and weapon use. The weaponry, however, remains unimpressive. None of it is especially sturdy, and 10 minutes in, Ryan is the only one with a semblence of a crimson mask. I'm not sure how he accomplished that either.

Quite possibly by lying face down on a ladder by himself for a while if you catch my drift.

Hayes is a true daredevil. While Claxton and Ryan lean over the barbed wire table (read: try to hold the rickety thing together), Hayes climbs the already severely battered ladder for a dive, then scores a double pin over both. Barely a scratch on him. Yeah, wearing black or not really didn't matter.

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Match 2– Triangle of Terror – Matt Tremont vs. Masada

Why was the triple threat not a triangle of terror? There are no triangles in the ring, only two boards that probably have carpet strips and some carpet strips on the ropes (which Tremont immediately gathers in a corner).

No outfit change for either. Masada has the lighter color shorts, but Tremont's boots make him more identifiable as a wrestler, and he has some blood on his face. Not a lot by Tremont standards, but it's something, so I'll give the victory to him.

Lots of carving right out of the gate. For some reason, there's a casket with mouse traps next to the ring, none of which is triangular. Both go in it at different times. Tremont actually sells it. Masada tries to eat a mouse trap once the brawl goes to the crowd, then uses the remains to carve Tremont's forehead yet again. Things get more interesting back in the ring, until Masada can't resist the urge to use his skewers any longer. He gets caught in a time loop and does it several times in a row. Then Tremont hits him with a Death Valley Driver and gets a three count. Only Tremont bleeds when all is said and done.

I'm skipping the non-tournament match because I really just want to get over with this show. The three way was decent, not stellar. Otherwise this has been pretty meh which is more the fault of really, really meh weaponry. If even Matt Tremont struggles to bleed, you know the situation is dire.

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Final

VOW Anarchy Title Match - Pains of Glass – Matt Tremont vs. Patrick Hayes

Pains, not panes. The glass comes in the form of 9 lighttubes, distributed in 3 corners, along with what looks like thumbtack bats. We have a significant outfit change from Hayes who now wears a green camo shirt to tan shorts. It brings down his sports wear ratio, but the colors are much better than Tremont's all black, so the victory is his.

Tremont sells an arm injury from his entrance on. The match starts off with chain wrestling that turns into a chop duel soon. Correction: There are 12 lighttubes in total. A majority of them gets broken on Tremont. A pane of glass turns up and when Hayes gets slammed through it, I see his belt still doesn't match his boots despite two outfit changes. Tremont gets a three count and wins. Yeah, it's not the most spectacular match I've ever seen.

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Final Thoughts

In a previous review I said that CZW Tournament of Death 20 felt like 'one of those deathmatch tournaments everyone and their mother ran a decade ago'. This is the kind of show I was thinking off. Most of the matches are closer to the tamer ECW hardcore fare than the average deathmatch of the time, commentary talks it up like it's a massacre for the ages anyway, and in reality, it's just forgettable. Nothing was terrible, nothing was great, and the main event was straight up underwhelming.

The triple threat was probably the closest to a MOTN there was, although hardly a match I'll remember for long. The MVP has to be Patrick Hayes with two decent matches and a meh third. Best Dressed was Derek Direction who had zero serious competition. There really isn't anything more to say about this show.

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