SVN King of the Deathmatches 2024

KOTDM After Dark

This is the first King of the Deathmatches – under the SVN name anyway. In 2023, their KOTDM was still held under the Circle 6 banner, but from what I understand, it's the same continuity.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Death By A Thousand Cuts – SHLAK vs. Ninja Mack

Match 2 – Doorway To Death – Bestia 666 vs. Big F'N Joe

Match 3 – Dog Collar – Judge Joe Dred vs. Otis Cogar

Match 4 – Sticks & Stones – Jake Crist vs. Masada

Match 5 – Barbed Wire Bundles – Aeroboy vs. Journey Fatu

Match 6 – Tokyo Towers – Orin Veidt vs. Hoodfoot

Recap

ROUND 2

Non-Tournament Match

FINAL

Final Thoughts

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The show begins with Larry Legend in a glitter jacket in a barely illuminated ring. There's a little better light when he introduces the entrants and I get a first glimpse of the fashion on display. I see some white, but a lot more black. I'm fairly hopeful for commentary because so far, I have not heard the absolute ear cancer that is Kevin Gill.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Death By A Thousand Cuts – SHLAK vs. Ninja Mack

SHLAK wears what SHLAK always wears which gives him a clear exposure advantage over Ninja Mack in all white martial arts attire and mask. Color-wise, this is strong with a great potential for crimson improvements, and there's also a clear theme. Tough call. I think despite the white, I'll go with SHLAK here. Both look like athletes, but SHLAK looks more like a pro wrestler specifically, plus this is a deathmatch, so I value exposed skin and Ninja Mack is very, very covered up.

All hope I had for commentary dies when Kevin Gill finally reveals his presence. That's going to be a long night for me.

We have a lighttube bundle in each corner and by the looks, lighttube two nun chucks. The match begins with lock-ups, evasion of lighttubes, and some choking on the ropes. Then SHLAK misses a spear and breaks the first tubes, but remains fairly unimpressed by Ninja Mack's attacks. They go out of the ring – uh oh, that likely upsets SHLAK! He quickly rolls Mack back into the ring, but Mack returns to the outside after a handspring suicida.

Back in the ring, Mack climbs the top rope, then completely botches a headscissor and falls on his head. His martial arts vest is gone, but he still wears a white shirt. I really don't regret going with SHLAK in the fashion face off. The second attempt from the top rope works out better. This time, SHLAK catches Mack in a powerbomb-like position, then rams him into the corner and through the tubes.

On the outside, SHLAK goes back and forth between chair shots and armbar submissions. Somehow, the tides turn and Mack takes revenge with the chair. Now lighttube-thumbtack nun chucks come into play, but SHLAK counters with a body slam, then a brainbuster onto a chair. The lights are still dim and it would probably be a lot easier to follow the action if they were in the ring and the spotlight.

Mack seems to agree and rolls SHLAK back in the ring, then pulls out ninja stars and throws them at SHLAK from the top rope. Both are evaded though, and Mack's pinfall attempt goes nowhere. He suplexes SHLAK onto a chair and tries again, and again it's barely a one count. SHLAK gets a two count after his suplex, and somehow Mack floors him after a series of kicks.

Mack discovers a new weapon – a blow dart gun. This is getting silly. He hits SHLAK several times, SHLAK eats the darts, then Mack drops himself onto his head with another handspring suicida attempt. Back in the ring, SHLAK powerbombs Mack into a bundle a lighttubes and gets a three count. Probably better for Mack's cranium.

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OH GOD NO STOP EET! Do not show me Kevin Gill smirking to himself! Just don't. PLEASE. Cut back to the ring! This is making me angry. Skipping ahead to the next match.

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Match 2 – Doorway To Death – Bestia 666 vs. Big F'N Joe

Bestia 666 is a black silouhette due to the dim light. For the moment, all I can say is that he wears a horned mask and some kind of coat, cloak, or cape. Proper boots, all black. Big F'N Joe is far more visible, wearing his usual all white, although not one bit of sportswear. Again, a difficult decision, in part because I still can't see Bestia. The coat is gone, that much I can tell, but he immediately attacks Joe and thereby starts the match. If he wants to rush a decision, fine, I'm going with Joe then.

The stipulation consists of lighttube and barbed wire doors.

Fighting on the stage, I can finally see Bestia's outfit. All black indeed, certainly more wrestling attire than Joe, but also far more covered. In the ring, Bestia remains in charge with a top rope leg drop, then Joe blocks a powerbomb attempt and evades a door after a headscissor. He goes through it right after though after a shotgun dropkick. The cover only gets a two.

Joe catches Bestia off the top rope and powerslams him through the barbed wire door. He gets a two count after Bestia has been freed from the wire, and follows up with a vertical suplex. They leave the ring for some chops from Joe on the guardrail, then Bestia goes over the rail and into the dark depths of the crowd. Joe piles chairs over him; the camera has some trouble capturing anything and cuts out altogether a few times.

Both are stealthier than Ninja Mack. Where's Waldo?

Finally, they return to the better visibility of the ring, and Joe only gets a two count. Bestia gains the upper hand with an enzuigiri and a back suplex, and gets a two count as well. Bestia gets a leftover bundle of tubes and smashes it on Joe, goes for another cover, and doesn't even get a one this time. Still in charge, Bestia hits a superkick in the corner, then puts Joe on the top rope, but gets caught in a tombstone piledriver and Joe gets a three count.

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Skipping a cut to goddamn Kevin Gill again. Larry Legend is now shrouded in red light. I'm having flashbacks to NPU and their Katy Perry fever dream atmosphere with pink and yellow strobe lights. The light turns blue, then disappears altogether, but returns just in time to kind of illuminate the entrance of Judge Joe Dred.

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Match 3 – Dog Collar – Judge Joe Dred vs. Otis Cogar

Dred wears long black pants, black shirt, proper boots, which brings his usual fairly good sportswear ratio down to almost zero. Steven Jury talks and talks trash about Otis Cogar who enters in a Bam Bam Bigelow memorial jumpsuit. What a wild choice. It's mostly black and he wears black street shoes to it which hilariously means Dred wins simply by wearing proper boots.

The stipulation really only seems to consist of the dog collar. So far, this tournament has been very tame in regards to stipulations, but I'm sure Otis has his straight razor somewhere. There's also a stack of red buckets in a corner. Maybe gussets or thumbtacks?

They start off with chain wrestling, in both senses, and it's pretty fast-paced and furious opening. After some back and forth, Dred gets floored and Jury jumps to the apron to distract Cogar. Punches are traded and now Cogar is down and gets whipped with the chain.

Dred has something – Larry Legend calls it a railroad spike – and hammers it into Cogar's forehead with his gavel. A pane of glass magically appears and ends up in the corner behind Cogar who evades a tackle, but Dred braces himself, then gets shoved through the glass by Cogar. Here we go. Cogar has his stupid straight razor and starts the carving, first the forehead, then between Dred's fingers.

Now Cogar has the bucket and there are indeed thumbtacks in it. He spreads them out in the ring, and Dred goes into them after a Michinoku Driver. Cogar signals a moonsault and climbs the top rope, and hits it, but Dred kicks out. Another pane of glass turns up; Cogar chokes Dred – crimson-masked – with the chain. In the end, Dred manages to shove Cogar through the pane of glass, then both are down. After a tug of war with the chain, Cogar gets a submission out of choke hold.

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Skipping Kevin Gill again.

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Match 4 – Sticks & Stones – Jake Crist vs. Masada

Jake Crist is mostly a black silouhette, but I can see that he wears long black pants and a black vest. He's never been great with colors, but the skin exposure is better than usual, more so because the vest comes off. In brief glimpses of semi-illumination, I spot proper boots and a belt that probably matches the overall theme.

Masada has not changed his outfit in almost two decades, so I don't need to see more than his outline to know what he wears. Slightly better colors, but I'm going with Crist for better exposure and more wrestling attire.

The ring looks good and very on-theme. Those are some really fine 'sticks' – outright branches, not some puny shrub as so many garden/thorns-themed matches have. The stones, sitting in two pits, look more like terracotta shards to me though.

The match starts with a lock-up, and Crist makes first contact with the shrubbery. Then Masada kills the early momentum by trying to carve Crist's forehead with a stick. It doesn't really work too well, so he throws a branch to the ramp outside, presumably for a powerbomb. However, Crist manages to maneuver Masada through the ropes and into the sticks instead.

Now on the outside, Crist bangs Masada's head into the stones/shards. On the stage, Masada bodyslams Crist, but gets monkey flipped into another branch. Back in the ring, Crist pulls out a sock and fills it with stones, then smacks Masada with it. Maybe the shards are flintstones? It would fit his Firestarter moniker. In the corner, Crist repeatedly punches Masada with his sock, causing him to retreat to different corner.

Crist climbs the top rope, but instead of something spectacular, Masada gets up and sticks skewers into his forehead. Masada follows him up, then tries a superplex, but Crist counters, pulls out the skewers and sticks them into Masada's head before taking him down with a Crist Cutter. The first pinfall only yields a two.

Crist gathers branches and the pits of stones in the center of the ring, floors Masada with a superkick, then tries again and again gets a two count. Now most of the branches are in the ring's center, and Crist takes Masada to the top rope, then headscissors him into the pile for another two count. I don't think I've seen Masada take that much in a single match in a very long time. After a powerbomb into the branches, Masada gets a two count of his own. He follows up with a piledriver and that gets a three count.

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Skipping the self-complacent, insufferable nuisance that is Kevin Gill. Is there really nobody else available for commentary? Where did Casanova Valentine go? I recall he was on commentary for past Circle 6 shows. How about Steven Jury? He can talk, and Dred isn't in the tournament anymore, so theoretically he's available for the rest of the show! Or maybe some random person pulled from the street?

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Match 5 – Barbed Wire Bundles – Aeroboy vs. Journey Fatu

The silouhette of Aeroboy wears something white (tights, kneepads?), proper boots, black hooded robe, black shirt, and a mask that might be anything from silver to dark red. A rare moment of light reveals that the pants are black and the mask is white with reflective ornaments. The robe comes off, the shirt doesn't. Not Aeroboy's strongest showing, but I really like this mask.

Journey Fatu is well accessorized with tooth and seashell necklaces and a weapon I believe is called an uatogi, and he's shirtless, but that's where the good news end. Red skirt-thing over long black pants and goddamn sneakers. Not with me, buddy. Default win for Aeroboy based on footwear.

Curiously, the barbed wire bundles match also involves several doors, chairs, and barbed wire lighttube bundles. There was probably a better stipulation name somewhere.

For some reason, Fatu leaves the ring and Aeroboy opens the match with a suicida, then another. He rolls Fatu back into the ring and dives onto him with a senton, but predicably the following cover barely gets a one. Aeroboy returns to the top rope, but this time Fatu catches him in what looked like a meteora attempt. Still, Aeroboy remains in charge with kicks and a quick suplex that gets him a two count.

Most visible moment of the night.

Aeroboy gets a chair and a lighttube-bundle and asks the crowd which to use. It gives Fatu a long time to get back on his feet, and when he does he evades the lighttube attack with a kick. Aeroboy eats the tubes in a knee smash, then Fatu follows up with corner splashes and sets up one of the doors to suplex Aeroboy through it. His cover gets a two. After dragging Aeroboy to the ring's center, Fatu tries to climb the top rope, but is intercepted by a lighttube smash. Aeroboy follows up with a dropkick, then gets some barbed wire and follows Fatu to the outside to choke him.

A chair duel ensues on the outside. Lighttubes get smashed by Fatu, then he dives onto Aeroboy with a suicida. Aeroboy chills behind the guardrail and at some point, Fatu returns to him for some barbed wire choking. He wanders away again though, and Aeroboy stalks him to deliver some chops and clotheslines around the ring, then headbutts. So much outside brawling, such bad viewing conditions.

At some point, Fatu goes back to the apron and thereby becomes visible again before getting his legs pulled and faceplanting onto the apron. Aeroboy finally takes the action back to the ring with a springboard corkscrew elbow, then goes for a Half Boston for a submission. He lets go though to argue with the ref for some reason, then sets a door up in a corner. After attacks against Fatu's leg, Aeroboy tries to pick Fatu up, presumably for a Death Valley Driver, then evades getting picked up and arms himself with a chair. Two chair shots follow, then Aeroboy does pick Fatu up for a Death Valley Driver through a door. The cover only gets a two count.

In a corner, Aeroboy punches Fatu's head, then gets caught off guard with a Samoan Stampede through the remaining door. He kicks out at two. Now Fatu gets a bundle of tubes and powerbombs Aeroboy into it for another two count. A Rikishi Driver gets yet another. Fatu gets another tube bundle, places it on Aeroboy and goes to the second rope, then misses his moonsault.

Aeroboy gets two more bundles, placers them on Fatu, and only gets a two count after a Frog Splash. Since only one bundle is left, Aeroboy proceeds to attack with chairs, then floors Fatu with a Yakuza Kick for another two count. The last bundle gets smashed on Fatu's head, then Aeroboy gets floored with a Samoan Drop. This time, Fatu hits the moonsault and gets a three count.

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Match 6 – Tokyo Towers – Orin Veidt vs. Hoodfoot

Veidt wears a red-blue longsleeve jersey, black shorts, proper footwear. He looks like he'd be right at home in H2O where this kind of sportswear combo is incredibly popular. The jersey comes off and reveals a white shirt and a long black sleeve. Much better. This might stand a chance.

It does. I expected Hoodfoot to wear some kind of singlet or trunks, but he doesn't. He wears long black pants to what might even be street shoes, although he makes a better first impression with a white shirt. I have to give the victory to Veidt based on sportswear and exposure here.

Hoodfoot immediately goes for a lighttube tower, but Veidt counters with a backslide cover, then tries the same trick with a roll-up. At third try, he doesn't get Hoodfoot down, but evades the smashed bundle and tries yet another early pinfall, to no avail. Hoodfoot leaves the ring and I spot a contraption of chairs and a glass pane – which he goes through right away. Veidt follows up with chair throws, then nothing happens for a while. Veidt wanders around, but ultimately returns to the small tower he initially had and smashes it on Hoodfoot, still sitting in front of the guardrail.

Veidt gets more tubes, smashes and carves, then Hoodfoot stalks him around the ring and smashes tubes once he catches up. I really wish the matches took place in the ring. Satu Jinn isn't here though, so my wish isn't granted. Veidt smashes a glass pane on Hoodfoot, still on the outside. The camera cuts back and forth a lot. Finally, Veidt ends up back in the ring and after another while, Hoodfoot follows for a lighttube leg drop on the apron. His cover only gets a two.

Veidt puts Hoodfoot through a small tokyo tower with a springboard DDT, then smashes loose tubes. None of the big towers have been touched yet. Veidt places another small one in the center of the ring, but goes through it himself after a suplex. Hoodfoot tries a cover again, then there's a bit of a headbutt duel. Hoodfoot goes for another suplex, Veidt counters and DDTs Hoodfoot before putting him on the corner. He now places the first big tower in the center, then it looks like they just don't know what they are trying to do for a while. Ultimately, Hoodfoot goes through the tubes with a superplex that leaves both floored.

After a very long time, they get up and Hoodfoot suplexes Veidt through another tower, then goes through the second big tower himself. Veidt sets up the third big tower and drags Hoodfoot toward it. Before anything comes of it, Veidt smashes the fourth tower on Hoodfoot, then suplexes him through the one in the corner. Hoodfoot kicks out at two though, and gets a three count out of a surprise small package. Yeah, SVN really doesn't want me to give an enjoyable second round.

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Skipping pro wrestling's IT'S YO BOI LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE again. Nate Webb is in the ring now to say there's a special guest tonight. It is the Human Tornado who joins Webb and dances with him. Orin Veidt interrupts them with a mic and he's upset about his loss. Webb hits him with a lighttube, then Human Tornado kicks Veidt in a corner. Ok?

Shades of Hornswoggle.

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RECAP, INTERMISSION

I'm sensing a theme here. Except for the first match, SVN seems determined to eliminate whoever I'd prefer to advance. There were quite a few possible match-ups I was hoping to see when I read the line-up: Bestia 666 vs. Aeroboy, Judge Joe Dred vs. Orin Veidt, Veidt vs. Crist, either of them against either of the luchas. None of these matches happened, and everyone involved was eliminated. In other words, I'm not very hyped for round 2.

The first match, well, what can I say? This is the only match in which the better wrestler advanced. I didn't have soaring hopes for the match to begin with because it just seemed like a strange clash of styles. However, I didn't expect it to be this botchy either. Ninja Mack might have broken his neck if SHLAK hadn't stopped him from dropping himself on his head.

From there on, the matches got better – except for the results. There seems to be either a strong preference for big boys, or a strong bias against 'actual wrestling' at play. Without fail, the stronger wrestler was eliminated. All lightweights are gone and with them the variety in styles for round two. Between Cogar and Dred, I think the latter has a lot more to offer, and I not only mean the option to have Jury interfere to mix things up. Where Cogar resorts to his straight razor, Dred goes to the mat for submissions which ultimately adds more to a match than repetitive carving. I know Cogar can wrestle if he wants to, but – much like many of his round 2 peers – he doesn't want to that often.

The stipulations were mostly pretty run of the mill, but I really liked the look of the Sticks & Stones match. I struggle to name a preliminary MOTN because nothing really stood out as better than the others. The matches were fine, entertaining enough, but also nothing all that special. It's probably between Crist vs. Masada (for once not unbalanced; Masada actually took quite a bit) and Aeroboy vs. Fatu, albeit not by a large margin.

The fashion pickings are slim. Very slim. Lots of black, lots of shirts and long pants. I can see this come down to Big F'N Joe vs. SHLAK in the end.

What stands out as a positive to me is the clear tournament structure. All first round matches were 1 vs. 1, no random three or four way.

The big negative elephant in the room is the lack of illumination. Sometimes it's hard to tell who is bleeding from where because everything blends together in blue-tinted shadows.

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ROUND 2

Match 1 – Panes of Glass (?) - SHLAK vs. Masada

No outfit change for either, so that's an easy victory for SHLAK based on skin exposure. The ring has several panes of glass and some chairs.

The match starts with a lock-up and very early forehead carving from SHLAK. I don't even know what he's carving with. He then goes through the first pane of glass less than a minute into the match. SHLAK takes things back to the mat and continues the carving. Commentary has no idea what he's using either. Masada sends him through the next pane of glass shortly after, then sticks his skewers into SHLAK's head and floors him with a chair for a first cover. Masada keeps attacking with the chair, kicks and knee strikes, then SHLAK just picks him up for a brainbuster onto a chair.

SHLAK sets up a chair, then attacks Masada's leg and goes for an ankle lock submission. Another brainbuster onto a chair follows, this time from SHLAK, and it actually results in a surprisingly early three count.

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Skipping Gill's never-ending stream of inane drivel.

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Match 2 – (chairs and a trash can) – Otis Cogar vs. Journey Fatu

No outfit change for Cogar. Fatu has lost his accessories and gained a knee bandage. Difficult. Neither has proper footwear, both wear black. I guess I'll go with Fatu here because he's at least less covered.

Cogar immediately attacks with a chair, targeting Fatu's injured leg. The trash can lid gets used. Cogar remains in charge until Fatu attacks from behind with chair shots. Now they are on the outside with the trash can, but it's still chair attacks of various description. I believe there are a few cinderblocks in the ring as well. Yep. Cogar takes one, but misses when he throws it at Fatu.

Back in the ring, Cogar stays in charge with a senton, then the straight razor comes out. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty checked out of this match.

More carving. More carving. Cogar carves the injured knee, somehow. Fatu comes back to life with a dropkick and a corner splash, then goes for a cover and gets only a two. Cogar chokeslams Fatu, tries a cover as well, then again, commentary is still excited about Human Tornado being there.

Fatu tries to storm at Cogar, but is hindered by his knee injury. Cogar floors him with a chair shot and gets a three count. Kevin Gill has mentioned that Journey Fatu is the son on Tonga Kid about 26 times during this match.

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Skipping commentary obnoxiousness. It's even more grating because the guitarist of Agnostic Front joined YO BOY LIKE AND HIT THE BELL ICON Gill. Are play-by-play commentators really that hard to come by these days?

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Match 3 – (lighttubes) – Hoodfoot vs. Big F'N Joe

Minor change for Hoodfoot. His white shirt is blood-stained. As if that could stand up to his opponent. Mo's not even trying, it seems.

Joe left the shirt backstage and only wears white briefs. Based on exposure, he should have the win in the bag, possibly for the entire Best Dressed contest. He also brings a box of lighttubes and has a plastic coathanger in the back of his briefs.

Goddamn Kevin Gill steals my idea and summarizes what exactly Joe is wearing, in a desperate, presumably envy-fueled attempt to make the phrase 'ultraviolent manbun' happen. Rocking back and forth in a corner, I cradle a handsewn ragdoll that bears a striking resemblance to Kris Kloss.

The match starts with a clothesline duel that quickly turns into an exchange of punches. Joe smashes the first tube on Hoodfoot in the corner, follows with a cannonball, then smashes tubes handed to him by the ref on his head. Hoodfoot evades a clothesline, then floors Joe with one of his own and now it's Hoodfoot doing the smashing.

Honestly, this is exactly what I expected from this match. Smashing, punching, carving. There's more of that. Also a Big Boot from Joe. For some reason, he puts the coat hanger in Hoodfoot's mouth. Am I missing something here? Is there any significance to the coat hanger? Joe did this at TOD, too, and it didn't look any more... what is it supposed to be? Effective?

A wild wrestling move appears when Hoodfoot uses a Saito Suplex to put Joe into lighttubes. The trash can lid also briefly got involved. A swinging DDT from Joe comes out of nowhere and leads to a two count, then Hoodfoot goes for the box of tubes for more smashing. After a brainbuster onto the box of tubes, Hoodfoot advances.

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Orin Veidt is on commentary now. Unfortunately, so are Kevin Gill and Vinnie Stigma. I'm fairly confident Veidt could fight both off, but he makes no attempt to do that. Is there no mercy in the world?

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Non-Tournament Match

SVN Ultraviolent Title Match – Alex Colon vs. Bobby Beverly (C)

Alex Colon wears black shorts to a black shirt, black beanie, and proper footwear. Not great, but Bobby Beverly wears a black shirt to long blue cargo pants and possibly street shoes. It's hard to see, but it doesn't make a difference. Based on sportswear and a slight advantage in exposure, Colon wins this fashion duel.

There are two guardrails with lighttubes and loose tubes in the ring, and Orin Veidt is still on commentary. Fingers crossed that he'll chase Gill away.

Both arm themselves with lighttubes early on, and Beverly gains the advantage. Colon hits a lighttube-enhanced suicida on Beverly outside the ring, then they stay there for some carving and punching. The action disappears in the crowd and thereby in darkness, with brief glimpses of them wandering around.

The camera catches up to them near the bar, but they run off and up the stairs to the gallery. According to Orin Veidt, a pinfall attempt took place. There's really nothing to see though. I'm going to skip to the final because I honestly really just don't care. Beverly retained.

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FINAL

No Canvas Barbed Wire Ropes Lighttubes Three Way – Otis Cogar vs. SHLAK vs. Hoodfoot

No outfit change for Cogar and Hoodfoot. SHLAK shows significant battle damage, still bleeding from his ear and chest, and based on that and the by far best exposure, I'm giving the victory to him here.

The ring has barbed wire ropes, some lighttube fencing, no canvas, and there seems to be an unmentioned scaffold nearby, too.

Impressively, village idiot Kevin Gill makes the fact that Hoodfoot is black a bigger deal than Kevin Brannen. I didn't count, but it's quite possible he pointed it out more often than Journey Fatu's relation to Tonga Kid. In other news, the Kris Kloss ragdoll and I are going to get married.

Cogar opens the match by smashing tubes on SHLAK, then carving Hoodfoot a bit, and suplexing SHLAK for a first cover that is broken up by Hoodfoot. Cogar turns his attention to him, but SHLAK returns, splashes Cogar in a corner and suplexes him before taking him into a ankle lock submission. Hoodfoot breaks it up with a lighttube, splashes Cogar twice, then backdrops him. Cogar leaves the ring, SHLAK is gone, too, and Hoodfoot remembers in the last moment that he can't dive out because there's barbed wire between the ropes. He awkwardly stops and gets tubes smashed on his head by both opponents.

The brawl between Cogar and SHLAK on the outside continues while Hoodfoot stays in the ring. It's mostly tube-smashing and Hoodfoot gets some as well when he gets close to the action. Cogar finally returns to the ring and sticks some gussets in Hoodfoot's arm. SHLAK throws chairs into the ring and follows a little while later to get carved by Hoodfoot. Cogar hits Hoodfoot with a chair, then SHLAK smashes a previously unseen weapon – a door-sized piece of lattice, I think – on Cogar. He continues to attack Cogar while Hoodfoot sets up chairs, then they work together to place a pane of glass between them above Cogar. He comes out from underneath the pillow fort, but gets double-slammed through it.

Now Cogar is down, and SHLAK and Hoodfoot continue to cooperate. Hoodfoot douses SHLAK's chair with lighter fluid, and there's a backstory to this that I actually remember. There's a rivalry between Cogar and Hoodfoot after the latter badly burned the former with a flaming chair shot. History doesn't repeat here though. As soon as the chair is ablaze, SHLAK floors Hoodfoot with it instead of targeting Cogar.

Apparently, this made Cogar fall madly in love with SHLAK because he strips down his Bam Bam Bigelow memorial jumpsuit and lowers his singlet, then hits Hoodfoot with a chair. The seduction attempt seems successful. Friendship between SHLAK and Hoodfoot ended, Otis Cogar is SHLAK's new best friend.

Love is in the air.

They double-suplex Hoodfoot onto a chair, then start building a pillow fort together; a door on four chairs underneath the looming scaffold. While SHLAK keeps Hoodfoot busy, Cogar adds a second level consisting of chairs and a glass pane, then they team up again to add a third level, also two chairs and a glass pane. And then it just collapses when SHLAK tries to place Hoodfoot on the door. That's frankly hilarious.

Cogar smashes the intact glass pane on Hoodfoot, SHLAK sets off some explosive near the scaffold, then piles all chairs in reach on Hoodfoot while Cogar goes to find a new glass pane. They start a new construction, but it only gets as far as placing the new glass pane on chairs over Hoodfoot. Then SHLAK randomly hits Cogar and goes to climb the scaffold. Cogar follows, they awkwardly exchange headbutts, then Bobby Beverly appears on the gallery, misses them with a thrown bundle of lighttubes, and SHLAK gives Cogar a slap on the back that sends him down and onto Hoodfoot.

The award for the most awkward 44OH interference goes to...

SHLAK climbs back down. Meanwhile, Hoodfoot pinned Cogar and commentary, despite stressing about 10 minutes ago that this match is set for one pinfall, says that Cogar has been eliminated. SHLAK slams Hoodfoot, then both are down. Replays cover the non-action. When it's back to the match, Hoodfoot hands SHLAK a pane of glass and gets hit with it. The glass doesn't break. This match has firmly devolved into a mess, and not in the good way. SHLAK tries again, the glass doesn't break again, but after a slam he does get a pinfall over Hoodfoot.

SHLAK gets his trophy, asks for a microphone, and receives. He ends up calling out Jun Kasai, then Bobby Beverly who he challenges for his title (I think).

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FINAL THOUGHTS

The second round was a lot weaker than the first. The matches were shorter and forewent wrestling and variety in favor of much more carving and smashing. The biggest improvement was Orin Veidt staying on commentary for the last few matches, making it more bearable than before.

The non-tournament match would have been fine if it wasn't for the very limited visibility. The camera lost track of the action almost immediately and it turned into an audio drama instead of a match. Other than that, I think a title match is well-placed on the card as a co-main event. It's just that I'm not interested in Beverly or Colon in the slighest, and that the total runtime of this show is over 4 hours, hence why I skipped despite it being a deathmatch.

The final was a series of unfortunate events. It's complete chaos, just not in a good way. It had its moments – I did like the shifting alliances and the callback to the start of the rivalry between Hoodfoot and Cogar. However, lots of things went obviously wrong, from the pillow fort collapse to the missed lighttube throw to the 'explosion' going off for no reason to the confusion about the rules. I guess it was entertaining, in the same sense a demolition derby is entertaining, but as a match, it simply had too many flaws to call it 'good'.

All in all, this show is pretty middle of the road. Beyond the total chaos in the final, nothing stood out as great or atrocious. I can't even make a MOTN ranking, other than saying that the first round was a lot stronger than the second. There's no clear MVP either. For me personally, it's Orin Veidt because him joining commentary was the biggest, most impactful contribution to the overall quality. Based on in-ring work alone, I suppose it has to be one of the three finalists since they had the most matches in total. I just can't say which of them contributed the most. SHLAK's first match was more of a rescue operation to stop Ninja Mack from crippling himself, the match against Masada was pretty short. Cogar carved too much as usual, and I'm not super into constant chair shots either. Hoodfood was smashy, but I think his first round match was the best out of these three, so I'm half-heartedly going with him as the MVP.

Fashion-wise, it was a weak field and my earlier prediction holds up. Best Dressed was Big F'N Joe with all white and the most exposure, runner-up was SHLAK based on exposure and battle damage.

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