IWA-DS Carnage Cup 12 (2021)

Count Snarkula and the Bolt Cutter Amputation

I can go on and on about the intricacies of quality matches, the little things that elevate a good match to a great one, reminisce about histories between wrestlers, feuds, trends, how far they have come. But all my alleged expertise can't change the fact that IWA-DS is what I consider home. An abusive, dysfunctional home, but a home nonetheless.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Deep South Fun House – JW Dalton vs. Corey Bryant

Match 2 – Homerun Derby – Remington Rhor vs. Mike Roach

Match 3 – Daredevil Deathmatch – Chett Rippley vs. Lil Sicko

Match 4 – High Impact Razorboards - Jamie Richards vs. Jay Blade

Match 5 – Shopping Cart – Hardcore Hillbilly vs. Aiden Blackheart

'Match' 6 – Bleeding Buckets – Chuey Martinez vs. the stigma of domestic abuse against men

Match 7 – Hostel Deathmatch – Mosh Pit Mike vs. Hoodfoot

Match 8 – Spiral Deathmatch – Blaine Evans vs. John Rare

Bolt Cutter Amputation Commentary

Recap

ROUND 2

Spidar Boodrow Memorial Deathmatch Gauntlet

Recap

FINAL

Final Thoughts

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With the atrocious commentary of CZW TOD 18 fresh in mind, Carnage Cup 12 opens with the most comforting sight I could ever imagine: Nathan Hamilton and Kris Kloss. I still remember the first time Hamilton did commentary in IWA-DS. It was a Carnage Cup, but I'd have to look up which one. At first, it was Kloss and whoever had nothing else to do on commentary. Then, the dark clouds parted and the glorious sun fell upon the mic. Everything about Hamilton screamed 'MAKE WAY, THE PRO HAS ARRIVED!' Amazing vocal presence, knowledge, and the ability to talk everything up, no matter what. (Which he will prove during CC12, for better or worse.) Much later, I read an interview in which he said this was his commentary debut. This man is god's gift to southern wrestling.

In a ring prepared with carpet strips, light tubes, and boards, Hamilton calls for a Ten Bell Salute for Spidar Boodrow and Colt 45. Next, Kloss calls Kevin Brannen to the ring for the inductions into the IWA-DS Ultraviolent Hall of Fame – one of the rare occasions when the appearance of the promoter is appropriate. The inductees are John Rare and Chuey Martinez.

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ROUND 1

Match 1 – Deep South Fun House – JW Dalton vs. Corey Bryant

The Deathmatch Fashion Police will have a tough time here, but I'll try to pass fair judgement as usual. Veteran Dalton wears a the remains of a black shirt, greenish camo shorts, and proper boots. "The Missing Piece" Corey Bryant, as green as they come, wears a blue t-shirt, long black sweatpants, proper boots, and takes off the shirt before the bell. Honestly, it's a tie. Neither look is great, but both are acceptable. Proper boots make such a huge difference.

They start off with chain wrestling, then involve an ironing board and make use of the carpet strip on it. By Carnage Cup standards, it's a fairly tame match and it's clear that the veteran sets the pace – but I agree with commentary that Bryant looks promising. It actually takes a while before the first light tube breaks, and the first big spot – Dalton being dropkicked through a light tube-table contraption on the outside – leads into a more chaotic outside brawl. Unfortunately, the match ends early and unplanned. A bad landing results in an ankle injury for Corey Bryant.

IWA-DS gets criticized a lot for 'giving a shit about wrestlers' and 'not treating injuries', so I should point out that Dalton and the ref immediately realize what happened, end the match, and several people check on Bryant and help him.

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Match 2 – Homerun Derby – Remington Rhor vs. Mike Roach

As usual, Rhor's fashion game is strong. Black shorts, post-apocalyptic mosh pit mask, shirtless, proper boots - an easy victory over Roach who wears blue jeans shorts, black shirt, black singlet, proper boots with kickpads.

The bats are a little more unhinged than the average Homerun Derby fare. Any sharp and breakable thing you can think of is glued to a bat. There are also some crutches in the mix. Roach is usually one of the slower, more sluggish deathmatch guys, so it's not surprising that this is a pure brawl. Rhor's intensity takes it up a notch though, non-stop action, and it only slows down a bit when Roach gets the upper hand. It's fairly short, but I've seen plenty of less entertaining matches. Rhor wins after putting Roach through a shower door that I wasn't aware was even there.

After the match, Roach gestures for a mic and says that this was his retirement match. He dedicates it to a recently passed friend who always wanted to see him do this type of match.

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Match 3 – Daredevil Deathmatch – Chett Rippley vs. Lil Sicko

Chet Ripley (how I usually see it spelled) is my spirit animal. He wears sweatpants with his moniker 'Unbreakable' and 'I heart MOM', silver-red boots (one pant leg tucked in, the other not), and indeed looks like someone ordered a young Necro Butcher on wish.com. It's delightful, although he does not have his mom/skull with him. Sicko, in snow-white overall-shorts, makes a great impression as well. So as much as I love Ripley's general vibe, there's no getting past Lil Sicko. I'd go as far as calling him a boss fight when it comes to deathmatch fashion.

The ring has a giant skewer board, ironing boards with light tubes, a CD tower, a barbed wire board, and some leftover bats. Ripley, armed with a light tube, is already on top of the U-Haul before Sicko even reaches the ring though. That's his thing, jumping off the highest point in any given venue, all else be damned. Sicko, who brings a trash can, abandons his weapon to join him up there, but immediately goes through a table-chair-light tube contraption in the tournament's first unhinged dive. I'm not even sure the bell rang before this.

The brawl continues with a firecracker bat and a chair, then they move to the ring and throw in some actual wrestling. Ripley is just fantastic with his gimmick. There's not a single moment where I would suspect he might not be utterly nuts. A high point of this strangely short match is Sicko going into the giant skewer board. For the finish, Ripley puts him through the barbed wire board.

It's a fun match, but also really short – around 5 minutes – and I'm not sure that was really the plan. Neither of them looks seriously injured, but who knows.

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Match 4 – High Impact Razorboards - Jamie Richards vs. Jay Blade

After the fashion highlight from before, the best way to describe Richards' overall look is 'picture Reed Bentley from a distance'. I do give points for the white wifebeater and this is enough to win because his opponent is Jay Blade. While one of the most skilled IWA-DS originals, there is nothing that could possibly make Blade look like a wrestler. Brown shirt with an orange-ish/tan batik effect, grey-white sports shorts that might be swim shorts, proper boots. It's not black, sure, but even if you put Blade in Rey Misterio's outfit, complete with mask, he wouldn't look like a wrestler.

It's so fascinating. This match has a good intensity for what it is. Lots of brawling, chops, strikes; on the outside, light tubes are added and there's apparently a hodgepodge of other weapons hidden on that side of the ring. Barbed wire shutter, a pane of glass, a sawblade 'board', and Jay Blade has a bag of thumbtacks as well. There are some pretty brutal spots in this, not least the finish – which doesn't look as great as it might sound in writing: Jamie Richards goes through a razorblade board after Blade dives onto him from a double-height ladder. I guess the closest wrestling move would be an Double Axe Handle Blow or something like that. Anyway, Blade advances.

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Match 5 – Shopping Cart – Hardcore Hillbilly vs. Aiden Blackheart

Hillbilly isn't going to score high on the fashion front with long jeans, wifebeater, dark-blue vest, and sneakers. I give points for the lack of black though. What I really like is the announcement from 'Wrong Turn, West Virginia'. I never noticed that, and as a horror geek, I love me a good reference. Aiden Blackheart – in a black shirt, greenish shorts, and proper white boots – brings sword and shield to the ring. Clean victory for Blackheart due to the amount of sports wear, and the black shirt comes off soon as well. As commentary points out, Hillbilly is 'still young as fuck', and Blackheart has been a bit of a mentor lately. It shows; Aiden is clearly in the driver's seat, but it works. It's a smash fest, but the big booms are surprisingly well-paced except for a long carving session with a saw. I can't really blame Blackheart for that though; Hillbilly barely had a scratch despite a flurry of light tubes, so I guess they needed to make sure he'd have a crimson mask for certain spots later in the match. A little long for what it was, but honestly better than I expected. Hillbilly advances after a fitting shopping cart finish.

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'Match' 6 – Bleeding Buckets – Chuey Martinez vs. the stigma of domestic abuse against men

The ring looks so promising; 2 sides fenced with light tubes, lots of tubes, and a lone bucket in the center. Unfortunately, this is not a match. It is an insult to deathmatches. Chuey's girlfriend, using the awkward ring name MizzFett, reluctantly smashes all the tubes on him, then Chuey wins. Before the match, Chuey cuts the world's cringiest promo by dissing womens wrestling while MizzFett – without saying anything – makes it crystal clear that she'd rather be anywhere in the world than in this ring.

Since this is 100 % unwatchable, I'll just say that this 'occurrence' only serves to prove one thing: Nathan Hamilton can talk everything up. Even Kloss struggles at first, but Hamilton just pretends he's watching something exciting and narrates a completely fictional match.

Alleged 'match'

Actual MVP

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Match 7 – Hostel Deathmatch – Mosh Pit Mike vs. Hoodfoot

We have a frontrunner in the Best Dressed tournament: Mosh Pit Mike is the first entrant who hits an impressive 100 % wrestling gear ratio with a black-orange custom singlet and boots. There's also undeniably a theme. It's 'juggalo' which isn't for everyone, but there's attention to detail and an overall more coherent look than, say, Brian White who slaps on a vest with a hatchet man patch and calls it a day. Strong showing, and it helps that he lost quite a bit of weight since his last Carnage Cup appearance. What stands out during Mike's entrance is that he immediately pulls all heel stops to antagonize the audience even before his theme is over. Typically, juggalos are well-received in IWA-DS, but the reason for this slightly puzzling heel turn will be revealed right away: he goes all out to put his opponent over.

Hoodfood Mo Atlas enters with a black shirt, but it doesn't fully hide the fact that he's serious competition for Mike – namely, a white-blue singlet, paired with proper boots.

Before I name a winner, I have to mention that Kevin Brennan makes a point to get up and cheerfully hug Hoodfoot on his way around the ring. The uninitiated viewer may think nothing of it, but Kevin Brannen is probably the most proud and open racist in wrestling. He has stated publically, among other things, that he thinks 'the white race is superior' and that his 'personal research' revealed that the Holocaust didn't happen. Asked about this in interviews, he gladly confirmed that yes, those are his views, and referred to 'free speech'. On one hand, it's wild to see him try to play the 'I'm not racist, here's my black token friend!' card. On the other hand... I'm grateful that he keeps his shit politics out of wrestling. Who'd have thought that being a raging hypocrite could be a saving grace?

Tangent over, back to the match. I like horror themes, but they are not that self-explanatory because SAW, Spiral, and now Hostel matches can be pretty much anything. The only one with a clear stipulation is the Exorcist deathmatch which features light tube crosses. For simplicity: Hostel = ALL TEH THINGS, and it's also a taipei match.

Atlas removes the black shirt before the match begins and I declare him the winner: primarily white trunks. That's not only the best color choice, but also far more exposed than a full singlet. Still, kudos to both. This was probably the toughest fashion call I had to make all day.

The match itself shows early signs of greatness. Barely 2 minutes in, I'm marking it as a MOTN contender. Fantastic intensity, great showmanship and selling, creative use of weapons. It's a pure, unhinged brawl – for long stretches outside the ring, but this is an outside brawl done right. Mike wins after what is firmly the strongest match of the first round. Seems fair; each of them got one victory in this.

Both Hoodfoot and Mike get a little promo time after this war. Hoodfoot hypes up the gauntlet match on day 2, Mike is still in heel mode and complains that the fans don't deserve him. Both promos work; I'm definitely hyped to see both again on day 2.

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Match 8 – Spiral Deathmatch – Blaine Evans vs. John Rare

No canvas razor wire and barbed wire, loose tubes, light tube bundles, bat, the bolt cutter everyone came to see, firecrackers, sawblades strung up on the barbed wire, soaked rags that get lit on fire as soon as the bell rings.

Evans wears black shorts, gloves, and kickpads, but a white Spidar Boodrow shirt. Not his strongest showing, but decent sports wear ratio. Rare fittingly wears a Jigsaw puppet mask, a black Sickness shirt, black tights, and – which I will never really understand – kickpads under them. Good sports wear ratio, but since Evans lost the shirt altogether, I'll give the victory to him. The theme in this match is obvious: a blood tribute to a fallen friend. Both wear Spidar shirts (The Sickness being Spidar's team with Bryant Woods), and Spiral is the movie that comes after SAW, the infamous series between Rare and Boodrow.

The match starts with chain wrestling albeit at high stakes with all the razor wire and fire. Rare evades the fire, Evans get a first taste of it after a reversal, but it's immediately clear that it got out of control. They retreat to the center of the ring with a bat, then stay there for some submissions. Blocking off some of the inferno with a chair, they make another attempt to get the fire involved; again Rare evades. They return to the bat and barbed wire to draw blood, with moderate success. Rare evades the fire a third time, and instead light tubes make their debut. As a result, Rare's arm gets taped after a bundle smash.

It's Evans' turn to evade the flames which have spread out a bit into the ring and have to be extinguished with buckets of water. That finally gets it down to a useable level. While Rare tries to unwrap the firecrackers, Evans catches him off guard and uses them against Rare instead. And just like that, the ring looks like Dresden ca. 1945. A first pinfall attempt follows; Rare kicks out, and Evans gets the meat carving fork to do... well, exactly what the fork is meant for. Evans then gets a box cutter board from outside the ring and props it up in a corner, before wrapping more firecrackers – a LOT more – around the razor wire. He ends up going into them though, and the advantage is back with Rare.

The other side of the ring, across from the razor wire side, is set ablaze – not sure that was the best idea, considering they had to work around the fire for so long – but it really enhances the warzone visual. After a brief struggle in the razor wire, Rare just barely evades the flames for the 4th time. Evans shows his agility with a high kick, but ends up in a leg lock by Rare. Kris Kloss notes that it is surprising to see an actual wrestling move, but honestly, there have been quite a few so far. For a match so infamous for being an unhinged smash fest, it's decently paced. I'm not sure if all of that's intentional or if they just had to improvise on the mat to wait out the inferno, but it's the result that matters. The many evasions of the fire are a plus for me, too. In so many matches, people are way too eager to go into various weapons which just doesn't make sense in a fight. Rare certainly has been guilty of it in other matches as well, but not here.

[Had to cut some back and forth here because the review is still too long for the character limit on Reddit.]

A contraption is shoved into the ring; a board with razor wire and what looks like a tambourine, then two chairs. While Rare sets up the chairs, he finds a box cutter in the wild and a struggle ensues when he tries to stab Evans with it. In the end, it's Rare getting stabbed – in the chest. Evans promptly goes for a pin, but Rare kicks out at two. Now Evans set up chairs while Rare lays in wait with the ever-popular gusset plate bat. After flooring Evans again with a hit to the legs, Rare discovers the aforementioned contraption and finishes the pillow fort by putting it on the chairs. When he gets a lighter, it finally becomes clear that the round thing in the middle isn't a tambourine, but holds more firecrackers. Evans recovers in time though, and it's Rare who goes into the big boom – but yet again, Evans only gets a two count when the smoke clears (which it does surprisingly quickly; visibility is 10/10 throughout the match).

They stumble out of the ring where a kiddie pool lined with pigeon spikes is propped up between two chairs. I believe there are syringes in it. They ignore it though, and their beloved gusset bat makes a comeback. Then Evans picks Rare up for a Death Valley Driver, but Rare slides off and instead stabs Evans in the arms with the box cutter. While Evans is writhing and screaming in pain on the outside, Rare makes a discovery in the ring: a second, purple bat with giant push pins. Evans get a good taste of it, then Rare goes for the box cutters again. However, Evans had enough now and arms himself with the weapon everyone has been waiting for: the bolt cutter.

If it wasn't clear, the match has definitely devolved into utter madness by now. It's been going for over 20 minutes, with little downtime. Still, it has to be noted that Evans keeps up the 'actual wrestling move' ratio to the bitter end.

Now everyone is waiting for that gruesome finger amputation. But there is no such thing. The infamous spot isn't a spot. It's both on their knees, briefly fumbling with the bolt cutter, then Rare screams, Evans pins him for a three count, and that's it. Evans is announced as the winner and Rare flees the arena, hiding his hands. There's dead silence from the crowd while Hamilton and Kloss are selling this as the real deal. I can only assume that it looked more real for a live audience.

Cut to Blaine Evans 'backstage' (a familiar white currogated metal wall) – bloodied and strangely in a neon yellow bloodsoaked shirt now – vowing to take out Mosh Pit Mike in the next round, then winning the whole thing. I'm all for it. The winners of the two strongest matches (although I ultimately give MOTN to Mosh Pit Mike vs. Hoodfoot because they had a proper finish) facing off sounds exciting.

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Bolt Cutter Amputation Commentary

Say what you will about the alleged amputation, but this main event of day 1 was nothing short of impressive. It was exactly what one expects from Carnage Cup - an ungodly amount of weapons, many of which other promotions won't touch. However, the descent into utter chaos was slow and deliberate, there was discernible build up to the big spots, a clear story being told, and they kept this mayhem going for over 25 minutes. The finish made sense in its own absurd way – to take down box cutter-crazed John Rare, it takes an even more unhinged madman, and Rare didn't leave much room upwards on the extreme scale.

Was it a good choice to do this? I don't know. Self-contained within the context of this match alone, I actually lean toward 'yes'. Looking at the bigger picture, I don't think so though. Sure, it got IWA-DS attention, and it certainly contributed to John Rare's legacy. I find it incredibly refreshing how unapologetically John Rare John Rare has been ever since his CC debut, and he actually managed to bring kayfabe back for a little while with this. Apparently, there are still people who believe it was real which is an achievement in this day and age. For Rare, this was a stroke of genius. Only somebody as infamous as him could make people believe he'd actually go this far. But John Rare is only 50 % of this match, and I don't think Blaine Evans did himself a favor here. He's one of the extreme deathmatch guys who can wrestle, has good intensity, and can generally pass as a regular wrestler outside of 'mudshows'. Adding 'bolt cutter amputation' to his résumé might be more of a hinderance for bookings beyond IWA-DS than the boost in visibly it was likely meant to be. But alas, that's just me theorizing. Maybe he achieved exactly what he wanted, and I just see the situation through the lense of wishing some of the Deep South guys would get more widely booked.

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General Intermission/Recap

A mixed first round. An injury in the opener isn't ideal. The next two matches were good, but fairly short – the Daredevil Deathmatch especially. There's nothing to back up my speculation regarding a potential injury, and seeing it's only the third match, it also seems unlikely that they kept it short because someone else went over their time. It's a shame because this was a match I was looking forward to and that had the potential to be more than this. It was fun, just way too short.

The High Impact match was alright; intense, brutal, but clumsy at times. It was probably the most stereotypical Carnage Cup match possible. The exact thing people who roughly know what IWA-DS and CC is think is going on there: two rednecks with the charisma of a bucket of water brutalize each other with everything in reach, and it's a miracle nobody dies during the finish. Blackheart vs. Hillbilly was surprisingly good, especially considering Hillbilly's lack of experience.

After these two solid matches, we have the undisputed low point of Carnage Cup. Not just this one, but all Carnage Cups. Until the Bleeding Buckets 'match', the Worst of CC title was held by the entirety of the CC2010 first round, but even those atrocities at least qualified as 'matches' in the wider sense. This did not, and I have no idea if/what anyone was thinking when it was put on the card.

Getting Hoodfoot vs. Mosh Pit Mike next almost feels like an apology, or an attempt to make people forget the Chuey/MizzFett debacle asap. As I already spoilered above, the Hostel match gets my imaginary MOTN trophy. It was everything I associate with Carnage Cup: an absurdly long list of weapons, creative use of them, non-stop action. That Mike went the extra mile with his heel performance only made it even more fun. (And frankly, not just Mike. Commentary also went all out to celebrate Hoodfoot, to a point where one might think they were really worried how the crowd would react to him. Rumor has it that there were swastika-confederate flags flying – none are visible, but then, the IWA-DS logo and titles aren't exactly subtle.)

I already said all I have to say about the Spiral match. It lived up to the SAW legacy and I think that's what mattered most to everyone involved, so I'll leave it at that.

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ROUND 2

Match 1 – Tokyo Towers – Remington Rhor vs. Chett Rippley

Who's better dressed? Hard to tell. Black is the color of choice for both, they have proper wrestling boots, and both are shirtless. It will come down to details. Rhor has the mask and more exposed skin due to shorts on his side, Ripley has red boots, and – this could be a deciding factor – long but custom pants. Not sure I'd classify them as 'wrestling pants', but they are firmly in the 'sports wear' category at least, which puts him slightly ahead. This is a surprisingly tough call. At first glance, Rhor – big, muscular beast with a look of determination – definitely wins 'which of them looks more like a wrestler to a random person on the street'. But Ripley – skinny, disheveled, head firmly in lalaland – isn't a slump though because it would be easy to believe somebody cloned Necro Butcher ca. 2002. With self-proclaimed mad scientist Nathan Hamilton nearby, I can't dismiss the possibility that this is what actually happened. Long story short, it's a draw.

Unlike me, Rhor wastes no time and gets going with the light tubes. Ripley also finds a shower door early on – I think formally, the match title has the addition 'glass city', so it's not only light tubes. The shower door is pretty damn sturdy and it takes several attempts to break it. The outside brawl provides a panorama view that lives up to the extended match title; a sea of broken glass all around the ring. Chairs – definitely not on theme – see use as well. While Rhor is fairly dominant, the match is more balanced than I expected and both throw in the occasional wrestling move. Rhor wins after a double tube smash that looked and sounded amazing. Not a technical masterclass by any means, but a whole lot of fun.

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Match 2 – Colt 45 Memorial Desert Death Match – Blaine Evans vs. Mosh Pit Mike

Blaine Evans wears the yellow shirt from yesterday's promo and there's not a stain on it. Tehe, continuity error! Anyway, yellow is good and balances out the all black below. Mike wears his black-orange gear, and being a runner-up yesterday, I'll just give him the victory here. He does wear a black shirt over the singlet, but it's an addition to his... umm, all out heel performance: it's a 'fuck your rebel flag' ICP shirt. Only in IWA-DS.

The match has a ton of stuff – cacti, some kind of berry bush (?!), a contraption consisting of a barbed wire board with pane of glass propped up above, a skewer board, light tubes, green skewer bats, two boards of yet unknown nature, and this being Carnage Cup, that's unlikely to be the full list.

Evans also brought the bolt cutter and immediately tries to go for Mike's hand, but Mike disarms him and we get chain wrestling instead of more alleged amputations. It doesn't last long though; Evans goes for the first cactus bat and the war is on. Mike establishes his game plan early on and goes for Evans' arm injury from day 1. As predicted, more weapons are discovered on the outside, first a plain table, then one of the more spectacular contraptions - a barbed wire and light tubes crib – which unfortunately just collapses without making a satisfying sound. A gusset plate VCR enters the match during the extended outside brawl, and Mike takes off his shirt to choke Evans with it. A pane of glass gets used as well. Back in the ring, Mike scores a rare achievement: He finally gets the crowd to turn on him and chant for Evans. The first round set up both as heels, and I think being seen as the worse of two evils – against a guy who (allegedly) crippled one of IWA-DS's fan favorites – speaks to Mike's qualities as a performer.

The finish is, at the same time, relatively unspectacular – a Russian Leg Sweep by Evans – and the 'holy shit' spot of the match, if not the entire round. Mike goes onto a board of porcupine quills that get stuck all over his arm and back. It's truly a sight to behold.

This was the match I was most looking forward to, and it delivered. An unhinged brawl that lived from Mike's entertainer qualities and him visibly having fun with the weapons. Hot contender for the MOTN.

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Match 3 – Fans Bring The Weapons – Chuey Martinez vs. Hardcore Hillbilly

Since Chuey's first round appearance doesn't qualify as a match, his outfit will be judged for the first time now. It's a tough one. Red hawaii shirt, blue 3/4 jeans with all sorts of patches, and at least proper wrestling boots. It's themed and the lack of black gives it a decent deathmatch suitability, but it's the white boots that put it above the competition. Like the day before, Hardcore Hillbilly wears long blue jeans, white wifebeater, denim vest – and sneakers. Nothing wrong with the colors, but it's two layers of clothing vs. Chuey's open shirt, and the superior footwear that tip the scales.

The ring looks like a flea market, with various bats being the dominant theme. Again: a bit above the usual Homerun Derby fare. For example, a pigeon spike bat is among the first weapons used, followed by a skewer board. There's also a pencil board, fork bats both plastic and metal, barbed wire ironing board, carpet strip frame-contraption, an extremely sturdy pumpkin, and another ironing board with an elaborate metal topping (open rings of some sort?) - I have no clue what this is. How intriguing!

I'm not expecting miracles here, just an actual match. The conditions for that to happen are good. If nothing else, Hillbilly brings roughly 10000 times more enthusiasm than MizzFett to the table. The match is fairly short – just around 6 minutes – but since it's mainly a smash fest, that's fine. Chuey wins after throwing Hillbilly onto the mystery board. I think commentary also doesn't know what it is because it's one of the few weapons not even Hamilton commented on.

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Match 4 – Fans Bring The Weapons – Jay Blade vs. JW Dalton

Yes, you guessed right: it's the exact same weapons as before because there's just so much left from the short match that it could easily last another two rounds. Once again, Jay Blade – same outfit as the day before, but with a cigarette in his mouth and sunglasses on his head – looks like a guy who's just strolling to the picnic table from his car.

JW Dalton is announced and the music plays, but there's obviously some confusion because Dalton doesn't come out. Nathan Hamilton goes to check, and when he returns, announces that Dalton isn't here today because he took Corey Bryant home to get medical attention. For that reason, Jay Blade receives a bye. Hilariously, this also means he wins the fashion duel by default despite having a record-holding anti-wrestler look.

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NON-TOURNAMENT MATCH

Spidar Boodrow Memorial Deathmatch Gauntlet

After each pinfall a new competitor enters. The first two are Jamie Richards and Juicy Bruce. Richards left everything on default on the character creation screen, Juicy Bruce... didn't. I give Richards points for the bloodied white shirt, but that's it. I want to say Bruce went all out with a bright purple robe, pink feather boa, pink cowboy hat, sunglasses and proper boots, but the jeans shorts just don't fit the flamboyant theme. While it is easily enough to beat Richards, it's far from a high score. I'll throw in an extra point for the purple hair dye though.

The generous leftovers from the FBTW are still in the ring – at this rate, they might still be there in the finals. Richards climbs the U-Haul early on. A fatal mistake, but in a very different way than usual. There's no U-Haul dive. Juicy Bruce manages to climb the truck, and they do get in position above the contraption below, then Richards just stands there, hands on his hips. There's some commotion out of frame, the ref finally calls for the bell, and Bruce is announced as eliminated. He's on the ground (climbed, not fallen), possibly with a seizure as commentary explains when the feed cuts to the empty ring.

There's a cut, then Jamie Richards and Lil Sicko are busy brawling outisde the ring. Sicko's outfit is unchanged; all in white, but with fresh face paint. He's currently the one to beat in the Best Dressed competition. The match is now also firmly a match, with plenty of weapon use and a few wrestling moves for good measure. After the failed U-Haul dive, Richards challenges a much better suited opponent to climb the roof of the warehouse. Sicko accepts and takes some light tubes with him, and what plays out has shades of Zandig and Mondo at TOD1 – Richards gets his big dive with an Electric Chair Drop through tables and light tubes, and a three count over Sicko after that.

Both look messed up, the ref and Sadisto keep checking on them, and neither gets up.

Aiden Blackheart makes the safe by coming out and pinning Richards with one finger, then proceeds to the ring. The outfit is unchanged, but he swapped his plastic sword for a saw to go with his shield. The next entrant is Raider Rock and my god. I'm relatively sure I have seen this guy on some other deep south shows, but without the rainbow facepaint.

Finally. Jay Blade has found a worthy rival.

Blackheart does what he can, but frankly, Raider Rock may be the one person alive who even John Wayne Murdoch couldn't drag to a watchable match. Yes, he's that bad. Respect to Blackheart for not just knocking him out due to sheer frustration. Thankfully, he gets over with quickly though.

Now we get a proper pairing in this clusterfuck of a gauntlet again as Hoodfoot enters next. Same trunks, black shirt (which only comes off halfway through the brawl), still a fairly strong fashion game, but the overwhelmingly white gear and strong theme of Lil Sicko has him beat. A light tube smash fest for the ages ensues; the ring now looks like a flea market after a pipe bomb went off. Blackheart then manages to do something I see very, very rarely: He uses syringes the way you'd expect them to be used in a fight. Instead of fumbling around in Hoodfoot's face, Blackheart just jams a handful into his chest, then stabs him in arm, shoulder, and head. They move toward the U-Haul; Blackheart goes up first, Hoodfoot follows. Blackheart is the one who goes down the hard way through two tables, and Hoodfoot gets a thee count once he descended via ladder.

The final competitor is Mike Roach – didn't he retire the day before? - with a slight outfit change. Tattered jeans shorts, tattered black shirt, and a proper black-blue singlet more visible underneath than in the first round. Paired with proper boots and kickpads, I actually give this a pass since it's not too different from other people's deathmatch-only gear. Naturally, Lil Sicko still reigns supreme, with Hoodfoot as runner-up. The pace goes noticably down, to a point where both sit down on chairs for a break and someone brings them an armful of light tubes for a seated smash fest. Hoodfoot is the more energetic one, and is rewarded with a three count – and thereby the overall victory – after a (standing) smash.

Kevin Brannen shows up to hand Hoodfoot a memorial plaque, and makes another show of having a black token friend. As cringy as it is, I seriously appreciate that he goes out of his way to not let his weirdo beliefs taint the event. I can only repeat what I said earlier: Hypocrisy as a saving grace. Only in IWA-DS.

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Intermission/Recap

The second round was a mixed bag. Two quite short matches, one bye, and the MOTN contender – almost by default the best match of the round. Rhor vs. Ripley was better than Martinez vs. Hillbilly, so the best-to-worst order is the same as sorting the matches by length. Combined, they are shorter than the gauntlet which went on for over half an hour. The high points were certainly Richards vs. Sicko and Blackheart vs. Hoodfoot, and the match would have been better off without the rest. Mike Roach was acceptable, but hardly an exciting final obstacle for Hoodfoot to overcome. Juicy Bruce might have been fine as a first elimination comedy act, but allowing a man of his enormous size and not so enormous fitness to climb the U-Haul was probably the dumbest possible choice one could have made. Seizure or not, this was bound to be a trainwreck no matter how it would have played out. Raider Rock, I'm confident in saying this, is not a wrestler and therefore shouldn't even be in a ring. Definitely not in a deathmatch, or any match even a single person paid to see.

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FINAL ULTIMATE CARNAGE ELIMINATION FOUR WAY

Chuey Martinez vs. Blaine Evans vs. Remington Rhor vs. Jay Blade

The ring actually got a make over and is now a ca. 120 light tubes no canvas everything that was left ring. No outfit change for Chuey; still red hawaii shirt and jeans. He immediately gets defeated by Blaine Evans in bright yellow and with a high sports wear ratio. Remington Rhor makes a strong case by being shirtless and wearing his mask, but it's a tie with Evans until I can judge his shirt situation. Jay Blade is Jay Blade aka your friend's dad in his improvised jogging outfit. He casts off the brown-orange shirt on the way to the ring and ends up with 100 % sports wear at least. When the bell rings, Chuey's shirt comes off, Evans' is still on, and I declare Remington Rhor to be the winner.

The match itself opens very orderly when all four take turns exchanging chops and punches. After a while, it turns into a four way brawl and the first tubes break. The first pairings are Rhor vs. an apparently quite drunk Martinez, Evans vs. Blade. A spin kick from Rhor might count as the first wrestling move, other than chops and tube smashing – but Chuey quickly follows up with a Death Valley Driver against Blade through a light tube-chair contraption on the outside. Jay Blade is eliminated, and the wrestling move roll continues with a Spear from Rhor against Evans. A new contraption is created; Rhor stacks a huge light tube bundle on a pane of glass between chairs, then slams Evans through it for a three count.

Being left with a staggering Chuey, Rhor resorts to smashing every tube in reach on him. Chuey counters with a cinderblock and the world's most drunk chair... shots? Throws? While they are slow-brawling on the outside, the ring crew erects an elaborate pillow fort in the ring.

Chuey finds two bats and puts some more oomph behind those hits, then makes his way to a ladder leading to the roof above the commentary table; Rhor follows. In the ring, two tables with a fuckton of light tubes await.

With a Fireman's Carry from Chuey, they go down through the contraption and into a cloud of dust, and Chuey gets a three count.

Brannen enters the ring to hand Chuey the trophy and dig Remington Rhor out of the ruins. Chuey gives a victory... speech. Of sorts. He puts Rhor over, calls him the future of deathmatch, then also calls a visibly uncomfortable MizzFett a 'badass bitch' and keeps ranting and rambling. I feel so bad for that poor woman. She can't wrestle for shit, but that doesn't mean she should be subjected to this kind of cringe. The camera mercilessly stays on Martinez until he voluntarily gives up the microphone. Savage.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

A very mixed tournament with some real low points – the alleged 'match' between Chuey and MizzFett, but also during the gauntlet – and some highlights that live up to Carnage Cup infamy. The standout moments were Jamie Richards' Electric Chair Drop against Lil Sicko off the warehouse roof, Blaine Evans smashing Mosh Pit Mike into the porcupine quills, and Aiden Blackheart stabbing Hoodfoot with a handful of syringes. That's the kind of unhinged stuff you only get to see at Carnage Cup. What also stands out is the absurd amount of weapons, including things other promotions rarely, if ever use (pigeon spikes, razor wire, firecrackers) and push pin and pencil boards that must have taken days to make.

Unfortunately, the main event doesn't even come close to being a MOTN contender. It's a lot smashing and little else, and based on the previous rounds, Chuey wasn't even 4th in line for the throne. His first round appearance was an insult to wrestling in general and deathmatches in particular; his second round match was short and only passable because, well, it was a match. In contrast, Rhor had two short, but entertaining matches. Evans had the two longest matches of each round by far, going over 20 minutes in the massacre with John Rare, then delivering day two's MOTN with Mosh Pit Mike. Jay Blade got a bye, but still had a watchable match against Jamie Richards. Out of the four finalists, Evans would have been the most deserving winner in my eyes. He also gets a spot on the winner's podium for the MVPs of Carnage Cup 12, between Hoodfoot with bronze and Mosh Pit Mike with gold.

For the Best Dressed trophy, not much changes on the podium. The overall winner is Lil Sicko, followed by Hoodfoot and Mosh Pit Mike.

All things considered, Carnage Cup is pretty middle of the road. Not as strong as some previous Carnage Cups, not as weak as others either. It's a watchable show if you're in mood for demented mayhem. If you expect a bit more than utter madness, maybe try Carnage Cup 13 – less unhinged, far better in-ring quality – instead.

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