I finally recovered from the Cup of Disenchantment, so IWA-DS shows are back on the menu. I'm also still determined to review in chronological order. Today, that leads me to Jasper, Tennesee on a late February day in 2015. Home is where the heart is. For me, that's right here.
I think I should make one thing clear before we get started. If you are looking for 'actual wrestling' - I am not. I am looking for all the things that would be '25 to life anywhere else', as Nathan Hamilton likes to put it. Deranged weapons, insane spots, enough bloodshed to quench the thirst of an Aztec deity. There's a time and place for everything, and this is the time and place for a 6 hours long cornucopia of violence.
DAY 1
ROUND 1
Match 1 – Barefoot Pin Cushion – Colt 45 vs. John Rare
Match 2 – No Ropes Barbed Wire Massacre – Spidar Boodrow vs. Terry Houston
Match 3 – No Ropes Barbed Wire Lighttubes Lit Candles – Insane Lane vs. Bryant Woods
Non-Tournament Matches
ROUND 1
Match 4 – Damn Yankee – Chuey Martinez vs. Mosh Pit Mike vs. Ruben Steel
Match 5 – Pat's Purgatory – El Nino Problema vs. Freakshow
Match 6 – Fans Bring The Lighttubes & Thumbtacks – Corporal Robinson vs. Tank
Match 7 – Exorcist – Belton Creedmore vs. John Wayne Murdoch
Match 8 – Lighttube Corners – Dale Patricks vs. Josh Crane
Recap
DAY 2
Non-Tournament Matches
ROUND 2
Non-Tournament Matches
FINAL
Final Thoughts
DAY 1
Day 1 begins with an announcement that I will not complain about commentary today. Kris Kloss and Nathan Hamilton are here, as is a guy called Gene Jackson who will be responsible for the comedy relief. Rejoice, delicious friends! Back in the good old days of 2015, 'comedy relief' didn't translate to 'cringy scat fetish' in IWA-DS. Gene Jackson rants and raves about the despicable ultraviolence on display, and vows to put a stop to this disgrace of southern wrestling. He's immediately chased away by Spidar Boodrow, may he rest in peace.
ROUND 1
Match 1 – Barefoot Pin Cushion – Colt 45 vs. John Rare
The stipulation works both for and against Colt 45. Usually, he at least gets points for proper footwear, but being barefoot, he's reduced to 100 % streetwear, and it's all black. The t-shirt comes off though and that reveals the advantage: without footwear, Colt's brown belt also can't be a mismatch to black boots. In total, that makes the outfit meh – bad colors, no sportswear, but good exposure.
John Rare also wears all black, but he has spandex tights and a mask (two, actually) to the black shirt. Both mask and shirt stay on, so for the superior exposure, I'm giving the win to Colt 45 here.
The weaponry consists of no ropes barbed wire carpet strip fencing, loose carpet strips, a gusset plate board, what looks like a kenzan bat or paddle, and a mystery box. WHAT IS IN THE BOX?
To kick things off, Colt gets an old-fashioned, unarmed beatdown though, then gains the advantage with a suplex. He arms himself with gusset strips, pays Rare back, then adds a ladder and two chairs to the arsenal. After setting up the chairs, he's interrupted by headbutts from Rare who gathers a bundle of carpet strips from the not-ropes. A struggle over the contraption-in-progress sees Rare get kicked through the gusset board to the outside.
Colt continues his pillow fort and sets up the ladder, and stacks carpet strips between the chairs. After maneuvering Rare back in the ring and to the contraption, Colt climbs the ladder, only to miss a double stomp through the carpet strips.
Rare, now in a better position, hits a springboard (of sorts) double stomp against Colt under a chair. The remains of the gusset board are added to the ring while Rare tries to arrange Colt on the top not-rope. He sets up chairs and hits something akin to a superplex. It's all a bit relative with these terms due to the lack of ropes, and Rare using chairs and barbed wire as replacements for elevation. A first cover attempt from Rare only yields a two, so he follows up with a German Suplex, then Colt 45 reverses a whip and sends Rare face-first into the gusset plate board.
Again, he goes for the ladder, and again, Rare interrupts with a chair. Now the ladder is his to use, and he sets it up, then removes his shirt – too late, my judgement time window has long been closed – and brings a large cardboard box into the ring. This isn't the OG mystery box, but it too comes into play when Rare pours out its contents – gussets – on top of the big box.
Colt interrupts, throws Rare into the barbed wire, and gets the remains of the gusset board, plus a handful of loose gussets. He somehow manages to stand on the big wobbly box, then misses a double stomp again, this time into the pile of gussets. Rare drapes him over the box, then climbs the ladder, and I suppose what follows could be called a leg drop. Colt kicks out, then immediately finds himself in a submission – and that gets Rare the victory.
Match 2 – No Ropes Barbed Wire Massacre – Spidar Boodrow vs. Terry Houston
I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Spidar's fashion sense wasn't great. Black shirt, long black pants, there's no winning with this. He does wear a singlet underneath as a brief glimpse reveals when the shirt gets caught on the barbed wire, but I can't count what I can't see under normal circumstances. Terry Houston is equally covered up, but in overall much lighter camo colors, so he's the winner of this face off.
No ropes barbed wire, two barbed wire boards, a barbed wire piece of fence, and on the outside, Terry Houston came across an impressive push pin board.
The match begins with proper lock-ups and great intensity between these two veterans that ultimately sees Spidar go head first through a barbed wire board. Houston tries a quick pin outside the ring. Naturally, it goes nowhere this early on. In the background, the push pin board is added to the ring, and Houston attacks with carpet strip leftovers from the previous match.
The brawl continues on the outside, and Spidar now has the upper hand. A gusset plate bat/2x4 thing turns the tide in Houston's favor again – and a small red mystery weapon in the ring is revealed to be a sock filled with thumbtacks. Still on the outside, Houston gets hip tossed into the carpet strips, then a elbow strike duel ensues. It seems both prefer the leftovers to the barbed wire. Spidar obtains a string (possibly his wrist tape) of some kind to choke Houston, then the action finally moves back into the ring.
Houston is in charge again, until Spidar spears him through the remaining barbed wire board for a surprising three count.
Match 3 – No Ropes Barbed Wire Lighttubes Lit Candles – Insane Lane vs. Bryant Woods
Lane hops straight onto the Best Dressed podium with a white shirt, mask, barbed wire crown, black shorts, and proper boots. As soon as Lane is comfortable in his pole position, Bryant Woods knocks him down one step. White pants, shirtless under a black vest that I doubt will stay on, proper boots, and I count the all-black contacts as an accessory. The vest disappears, and Woods holds up a pack of sewing needles. Not an ideal weapon, being tiny and finicky as needles are, but that outfit is a hot contender for the Best Dressed trophy nonetheless.
The ring looks very pretty. Barbed wire fenced with lighttubes, each with a lit candle on top.
They start off with a lock-up and proper wrestling – until Lane wins the struggle and back suplexes Woods onto and through the barbed wire and lighttubes which tears the entire side down.
Gene Jackson joins commentary and tries to talk Lane up as a wrestler who doesn't need all this garbage. Meanwhile, Woods has taken the match back to the ring, still with 'actual wrestling', but also lighttubes. Lane extinguishes candles with Woods' arm and face, and a powerbomb gets him a first two count. Woods, whose outfit has already improved even further with the first full crimson mask of the day, fights back with lighttubes and kicks.
About half of the barbed wire and tubes are gone by the time Lane gets another two count. He tries to follow up with a suplex, but Woods blocks and counters into a small package that yields a three count for him.
While commentary praises the sportsmanship after Lane accepted a handshake from Woods, Lane floors Woods with a surprise cutter. Outfit-wise, Lane is in a strong second place while Woods looks like he survived a final already.
Non-Tournament Match
Fatal Four Way – Missile Assault Ant vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado vs. Oleg The Usurper vs. Proletariat Bear of Moldova
Hindsight strikes and makes this a bit awkward. It's not the relatively strangeness of having a Chikara four way at a Carnage Cup, but the fact that one of the guys, Juan Francisco de Coronado, tried to get with a minor, which abruptly ended his career in 2020.
The match isn't bad, not even out of place as a breather in a tournament of this length, but I'm going to skip due to the non-tournament nature, the overall length of this review, and the unfortunate creep involvement. Missile Assault Ant won.
Non-Tournament Match
YBW Hardcore Title Three Way – Mikey G vs. Lil Bink vs. Acid
This isn't a tournament match, but it's a hardcore match (at least formally; in reality, it does pass as a deathmatch), so it's fair to consider these outfits in my ranking and do a quick review.
Mikey G (aka a completely unrecognizable Dirty Ron of XPW fame) lands in the middle of the Best Dressed field: shirtless, dark-ish camo shorts, proper footwear. Lil Bink has wrestling gear in the form of shorts and worse colors in the form of said shorts being black. Proper footwear though, so they're about even. The only plus Acid brings to the table is a mask. Otherwise, this is terrible even if I generously consider sweatpants as sportswear. Black shirt, black vest over it (at least he removes that bit), proper boots, but overall it's just very meh. I'll call it a tie between Mikey and Bink.
Noteworthy tidbits: This show takes place in the 'YBW Arena', a venue I'm sure has some other name in real life. There's no champion; the title is fought out for the first time. I can't tell you what exactly YBW is – Your Backyard Wrestling? Yelling Behind Walls? Not a clue, nothing on Cagematch, neither the arena nor the title history appears anywhere, and Lil Bink and Acid don't have profiles. I'm fairly sure I've seen Acid somewhere else, but that might well have been another IWA-DS filler match.
Kloss and Hamilton don't seem to know either and call this match a 'special attraction' without elaborating on the title. Weapon-wise, a barbed wire-wrapped ladder is present, Acid brought something I think is a 2x4 with gussets. A handful of skewers in a corner is visible, and Acid introduces a box of lighttubes early on.
There's a good amount of wrestling in this – the most balanced wrestling to weapon use ratio so far. It's honestly a pretty good, fast-paced, and brutal match between unknowns. They get 'We want Freakshow!' chants early on, but win the crowd over as the match goes on. In the end, Acid wins after a Fallaway Slam against Mikey G. By now, the crowd is invested and declares this outcome to be 'Bullshit'.
ROUND 1 CONTINUED
Match 4 – Damn Yankee – Chuey Martinez vs. Mosh Pit Mike vs. Ruben Steel
Broken record time: Why does this have to be a three way when everyone else has singles matches in round one?
Chuey brings an unusually high wrestling attire ratio to the table, wearing a black singlet to tan shorts, proper boots that match his belt. That's far from his worst showing. Ruben Steel is a weird case. At first glance, it looks pretty gas station – black band shirt, blue jeans vest, spiked wrist bands, but black shorts and proper boots. However, his moniker is 'Heavy Metal', so that's on-theme. The vest and armbands are removed, and in the end, the only thing I can hold against him is the amount of black. Mosh Pit Mike will likely end up with the best wrestling gear ratio since he wears his orange singlet under a light gray shirt which he removes right away. Even his discarded attire has a good color. Easy victory for him; 100 % wrestling gear, themed, no black.
I don't know who or what the match title refers to. The ropes are back. There are lighttube crosses, two cardboard boxes and a plastic container of yet unidentified contents, lighttube bundles, a board with Christmas ornaments, and one of the crosses has white blocks on it; styrofoam by the looks. Chuey also gets a yellow block with gusset plates, and there's something with light bulbs in the styrofoam corner, too. Kris Kloss renames the match and calls it a FBTW.
It starts off with a test of strength between Mike and Steel, then Chuey closes the circle. Chuey seems to have the advantage until the other two team up against him. The first lighttubes are smashed right after. Weapons go quickly now, even Nathan Hamilton can barely keep track. There's a cheesegrater, thumbtack-studded lighttubes, a kenzan baseball bat (wood, not plastic – a rare sight), a plastic tombstone with barbed wire, and Chuey reveals that the plastic container holds a metric ton of bottle caps by pouring them out.
Chuey is in charge, taking revenge for the thumbtacks in his head against both opponents. Gusset plates get poured out, Mike goes into them, and Ruben Steel arranges the curious lighttube-styrofoam-plastic box contraptions to go into it himself.
The match devolves into complete mayhem. Everything gets smashed, and for the most part, Chuey is doing it. The action moves to the outside, and now Steel dishes it out for a while, until Chuey suplexes him onto a light bulb stick thing. Mike gets involved again with a barbed wire crutch, then Steel and Chuey duel with lighttubes. As it turns out, Chuey has a big advantage in general. Being bald, he's the only one whose hair doesn't get tangled up in various barbed wire weapons.
At some point, Chuey and Mike return to the ring for the infamous scissors spot, namely Mike getting them stuck through his tongue, after which Chuey reverse DDTs him onto a pallet and gets a three count.
Wrestling? Debatable. Pure unhinged beauty? No doubt. Exactly what I expect to see at Carnage Cup.
Match 5 – Pat's Purgatory – El Nino Problema vs. Freakshow
El Nino Problema left all the available charisma at home and instead brought a black tank top, black and Puerto Rican-flag shorts, proper footwear, and a baseball bat. Not bad on the sportswear front, but also far from exciting. It still beats Freakshow – black t-shirt, jeans shorts, at least proper footwear, and the old problem of me simply expecting something completely different from that name.
I normally don't judge that kind of thing, but in this case I have to because this guy willingly picked a name he doesn't live up to. He could have gone by Big Bad Bob or something (and for a while, he went by Iceberg) and I wouldn't complain. But no. He chose Freakshow. A name that makes me think of circus sideshows and performers like Lizardman, The Enigma, or Lucky Diamond Rich – heavily modified freaks that have nothing in common with this dude.
At the very least, I expect showmanship and some discernible effort to live up to the freak image. Throw 'Jim Rose Circus' into a YouTube search and you'll see what I expect from someone who claims the name 'Freakshow'. Long story short, El Nino Problema wins by simply wearing random sportswear.
The ring still has ropes and the remains of the previous match, but a few additions have been made. There are fresh boards, a chair, and a white lighttube contraption. Possibly some more nicknacks, but it's hard to tell in all the debris. I'm not expecting any miracles here.
Here's a non-miracle. Freakshow removes the shirt and reveals a black singlet. Very freaky.
There's almost immediate weapon use; a VCR, a barbed wire racket, some metal sign. Tubes break. People are really into Freakshow. I will never understand. El Nino throws in some kicks and punches, and Freakshow adds a Samoan Drop. It's only been two minutes or so, but man, this is slow. Freakshow moves at a snail's pace, picks a weapon here, hits his opponent there, while aeons pass between moments of 'action'.
The so-called action moves to the outside. It's still Freakshow beating Nino up in slow motion, interspersed by some kicks and punches. The camera loses track for a bit. When it catches up, Freakshow is throwing chairs. A dropkick takes place, then it's right back to the chairs for Nino. This match is kind of like when Alex Nabiev massacres a random MMA guy, just much slower and nobody involved has charisma. The biggest spot of the match is Nino's Missile Dropkick from an elevated position on the wooden stairs or rafters, followed by a Running Senton out of nowhere. I'm not a fan of such strike-heavy styles, but Nino is actually not hopeless as a wrestler. He's mostly getting beaten up, and he has no profiles on Cagematch or WrestlingData to show me any other matches though, so I can't verify that.
Freakshow finds a saw and takes it to Nino's head. It's still not over. Nino jumps from the top rope into getting thrown through a board outside the ring. Surprisingly, Nino makes a comeback, starts to set up the other board with lighttubes and chairs in the ring, then abandons the construction and attacks Freakshow with a cheesegrater instead. His shirt comes off, flaunting his better fashion sense, but in the end Freakshow shoves him through the pillow fort for a three count.
Match 6 – Fans Bring The Lighttubes & Thumbtacks – Corporal Robinson vs. Tank
Corp wears a black ICP shirt to winter camo shorts, proper boots; 90 % streetwear and no excuse for that. I'd easily accept non-sportswear from him if he'd go all in with the military theme, but as it is, it doesn't qualify as a gimmick outfit. The only positive is that the shorts are fairly light in color.
And here we have the next mystery I'll probably never even begin to understand: Tank aka a big bald guy with a goatee that people are super into for some reason. He's wearing long jeans, a light-gray shirt, and possibly wrestling boots. Difficult. I think overall, Corp is slightly less covered due to the shorts, and wearing those also clearly shows the boots which serves as the one hint for the 'Which of them is the wrestler?' mind game. Yeah, I'm going with Corp here.
I'll freely admit that I'm not especially excited about this match. My very first thought was: southern classic, 2005. It feels overwhelmingly old school from the get-go, a relic from the early days of American deathmatch when the scene was dominated by big, tough guys who brawled and headbutted their way through metric tons of lighttubes. Even if I remind myself that it's only 2015, I can't shake the notion that I knew back then that other things were possible. After all, this is a decade after Nick Mondo, the OG unicorn who introduced a very different style to deathmatches, retired. It's not that I can't appreciate a good slobberknocker smashfest – in fact, I did earlier on this card – but something about this doesn't reach me. Corp, the more charismatic one between these two, gives me nothing to relate to, likely because I neither get US military worship nor Juggalo culture. Tank is just a guy. Nothing wrong with him as a person, but his qualities as an entertainer are severely lacking. To me, that is. The audience in the YBW Arena clearly disagrees, so I accept that I'm the weirdo.
Anyway. Enough rambling. We have a ring stacked with plenty of lighttubes, mostly skinny tubes by the looks, some loose, some bundled, some on a wooden frame-pallet-like thing.
Corp obtains a microphone and I must compliment his ability to speak clearly through it. He lists the things the audience has already seen today, then claims there is one thing they haven't seen yet: two big mothafuckas kicking the shit out of each other. There was a lot of kicking in the previous match, but El Nino Problema doesn't qualify as 'big', so I guess he has a point. Apparently, he wants to do this without weapons. I have heard many, many more exciting announcements in my life, but I guess that at least proves my prediction of 'smashing through a metric ton of tubes' wrong.
Here we go. Punches, headbutts. Lots of them.
So I went to put my laundry in the dryer. Now I'm back and they are still at it. There's some blood, but most of the weapons are intact. Both shirts are gone, so whoever wins could at least have a slightly better outfit rating in the next round.
The weapon use picks up with a pillow fort contruction – two chairs with loose tubes – by Corp. Tank chokeslams him through it, but doesn't go for a cover. Instead, he climbs the top rope, presumably for a splash, but Corp gets up, attacks with a lighttube, hits a 'Boot Camp' (not really, but Kloss called it that) from the second rope, and gets a three count.
Now Tank has the microphone and says it's fine and dandy to talk about the new breed in deathmatch, but veterans like Corp and him can still go. I think I made my stance on that clear earlier. Replays consist mostly of headbutts and slugfests.
Match 7 – Exorcist – Belton Creedmore vs. John Wayne Murdoch
Belton Creedmore, who you may also not know as Nefarious Creedmore, wears a black collared shirt to greenish camo shorts and proper boots, all of which has a neon-green logo referring to the 'House of Pain', whatever that may be. I only know Creedmore from TPW where he sported a much more interesting shaman-type look with skull and bone accessories at some point. Today's outfit? Not great, not terrible, but closer to the latter. Murdoch stands a chance here.
And boy, does my ginger prince capitalize on that opening. Red shirt, white shorts that somehow already have blood splatters, proper boots. Other than one elbow pad, that's the only black, too. No wrestling/sportswear, but in regards to colors, this is probably the best Murdoch ever blindly pulled out of his bag in the dark. Crushing victory, and if he loses the shirt, it might even secure a spot on the podium.
Exorcist matches are a Carnage Cup staple and stand out as the one horror movie stipulation with a clear trademark weapon: lighttube crosses, lots of them, plus a few loose skinny tubes and a plain board outside the ring. There's a story behind this. A year prior, Murdoch had to be taken out of the tournament due to a bone-deep cut in his shoulder, caused by lighttubes. So this is a 'SHLAK and the Filing Cabinet' kind of situation; Murdoch vs. the weapon that almost ended his career more than Murdoch vs. Creedmore.
The match begins with a shoving duel, and one thing immediately stands out. Murdoch's perception in the 'other IWA'. A few reviews back – IWA-MS KOTDM 2015 - I was trying and failing to put myself in the mindset that he wasn't the big shot he is today. Here, I don't have that issue. He's announced as 'needing no introduction' and establishes within the first seconds that he's the top dog. Visually, this is Opposite Day: Murdoch's opponent has about 15 years on him, but Creedmore is a late bloomer who only started wrestling at the ripe age of 39. (Debuting in September 2012.) The story is as classic as it gets though; the stubborn new kid on the block vs. the unimpressed veteran.
Murdoch is firmly in charge. After some light 'actual wrestling', lighttube crosses are smashed – very satisfying sounds and visuals, then Murdoch empties an entire box of tubes on Creedmore. Creedmore, now crimson masked, makes a comeback though and the match moves to the outside. When they return to the ring, Murdoch is gushing as well, and Creedmore's offense ends in a sea of broken glass. Again, he quickly recovers and returns to carving, but throws in kicks and even a leg drop as well. He gets a first two count, then drags Murdoch to the corner for a curb stomp into the turnbuckle.
While Murdoch checks his gushing head wound, Creedmore sets up the board in the other corner and obtains a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I sure hope there's no pool in the building! Creedmore douses the board instead of Murdoch, then sets it on fire. What exactly happens then is hard to see because the camera stays on the board. From out of frame, Murdoch attacks with a Spear or Cannonball. The board breaks at an awkward angle, so a big flaming part remains intact.
They manage to shove it aside, but Murdoch's cover is more of an afterthought to the ref who is mainly concerned with the fire. It still gets a three count and Murdoch advances. Somehow, his white shorts aren't as soaked in red as I'd have expected. It's a good start, but he has a lot of catching up to do if he wants to challenge current frontrunner Bryant Woods.
Match 8 – Lighttube Corners – Dale Patricks vs. Josh Crane
Dale Patricks is a tease today. He wears his red singlet, but under a teal sweater, and for some reason, dog tags. Proper footwear though, so there's a good chance he'll reach his usual 100% wrestling attire ratio. The same applies to Josh Crane, red tights to black shirt, proper footwear. In regards to 'looking like a wrestler', there's no competition to this match in the tournament. One striptease later, Patricks wins the fashion duel with a red singlet vs. Crane's black singlet on both color and exposure.
They start off with a handshake and 'actual wrestling', but both also brought extra lighttubes, so there's no doubt they are here to bleed. The ring hasn't been cleaned out either and there's no avoiding the sea of broken glass. Or the piles of trash around the ring, where they go to smash skinny tubes, Crane being in charge. Chairs get involved, Crane sets them up just before Patricks gets the upper hand and adds more to the construction in progress. He proceeds to stack lighttube bundles on the set of four chairs, but for the moment, the action moves back to the ring. A powerslam gets Crane a first two count. He sticks tubes down Patricks' singlet; some break after a double stomp, others after a punch.
Patricks' singlet is now pulled down, the ref tapes Crane's hand after his skinny tube punches. A Sunset Flip exposes Patricks' further – that was his big spot back in the day, when he still had his boyish charm/lightweight physique. Regular readers may expect me to find this cringy and unwatchable, but I do not. It's the overly sexualized comedy stuff I can't stand. Sexxxy Eddy, Mickie Knuckles, you get the idea. What Patricks does isn't sexualized, and he's not no selling for comedy either. What he does is just incredibly ballsy. That's something I can and do respect.
Crane, undeterred by his hand injury, continues to throw punches and tubes, until Patricks blocks and reverses a whip and Crane goes into one of the eponymous lighttube corners. Now Patricks is in charge and we get a good bit of 'actual wrestling' for a change. Crane fights back and gains the upper hand in the corner, near the chair contraption that still waits outside. Patricks goes through it after his piledriver attempt is countered into a backdrop, and back in the ring, Crane gets a close two count after that. He sets up two chairs – sideways – and balances another chair and lighttube bundle on it. This time, Patricks counters and Crane goes onto the contraption, but also kicks out at two.
Patricks attacks with the long tubes, resulting in another close two count. He follows up with a German Suplex, and again Crane kicks out. Now he hulks up and challenges Patricks to try again. Patricks does, gets caught with a Death Valley Driver into the last lighttube corner – which doesn't break. The second Death Valley Driver gets the job done, but again, Crane only gets a two count. After a back and forth, Patricks manages to hit his piledriver – commentary notes it's illegal in Tennessee – and again, it only yields a two. The storytelling is strong in this one, Young Dragon. A battle fought with sheer determination and palpable hunger for the big break. Patricks sets up two chairs and cracks a fresh box of lighttubes to stack on them. Crane fights him off though, adds more tubes to the pillow fort, then goes for a Cop Killa, but Patricks gets out of it. Crane tries again, and again Patricks gets out, until Crane changes his plan and hits a Tiger Suplex through the tubes for a three count.
Day 1 comes to an end at 2 hours 53 minutes with another handshake between Crane and Patricks, and John Wayne Murdoch, limping, coming out to show his respect. This may be a setup for day 2 where Murdoch will face Crane in the second round. However, things remain peaceful between them.
INTERMISSION, RECAP
There's no truly bad match here. Some don't appeal to me personally because the style isn't for me and I don't connect with the people involved. Fans of stiff old school brawls would probably be delighted, at least in the case of Corp vs. Tank which hit all the right tones for that. Freakshow vs. El Nino Problema, probably less so. Freakshow sure fits the mold, but it was just a weird pairing and felt aggressively neither-here-nor-there.
Overall, there's a clear structure in the card. Things get increasingly more gory, starting with relatively tame stipulations – carpet strips, barbed wire – before the breather matches, then ramping things up more and more to culminate in the longest and bloodiest battle of the day.
Rare vs. Colt 45 was fairly tame, both by Carnage Cup and Rare standards, but set the tone with the barefoot stomps onto the gussets. Boodrow vs. Houston is frankly not too far off the old school brawls later on, but to me, Boodrow had something the other big boi brawlers lack: an aura, a real presence, a way to connect with fans. He embodied the essence of IWA-DS more than anyone else in his generation. Utterly fearless, always eager to take things a little further than most, and a reckless intensity that rarely failed to get me invested.
Woods vs. Lane then stepped things up with a beautiful stipulation and an increase in gore, which put Woods in the Best Dressed pole position early on. The two non-tournament matches after this were well-placed and didn't feel like throwaway filler. (Spoiler: This will be a little different on day 2.) The absurdity of having a gimmicky, family-friendly Chikara four way at a Carnage Cup of all places almost qualifies as comedy in itself. The 'hardcore' title match, as I said above, was decent enough, but I do agree with the crowd that there should have been a different winner.
The three way (I already complained about it being one) was pure, unhinged mayhem; a match I'd describe as 'stereotypically Carnage Cup' – and that's not a rag. Constant action, no rhyme or reason, a flea market of weapons, and a holy shit spot from Mike and Chuey with the scissors. Just great ultraviolent entertainment all the way through.
Next, there's the unspecific Pat's Purgatory match (a superfan stipulation) between Freakshow and El Nino Problema. It was a clash in styles – El Nino seems more suited for an opponent like Alex Colon or Lou Nixon than a big, sluggish brawler – and the stipulation didn't make it more exciting. In fact, I couldn't even tell you what exactly the stipulation was. There was no theme and it could as well have been a regular Fans Bring The Weapons. Corp and Tank straight up stated they wouldn't rely on the weapons. It was really just a lot of punching, striking, headbutting, and ultimately they did use the tubes and tacks, so I don't know if the humble brag about not needing them was the best statement to make.
Now we enter MOTN territory with a great story in and around the Exorcist match between Murdoch and Creedmore. It was pretty smashy with tubes breaking left and right, but that was warranted – as I said, this was more 'Murdoch vs. lighttubes' than anything – and it wasn't the only thing this match had to offer. The finish wasn't ideal though. In the replays, a different camera angle shows more clearly what happened: The board breaks and almost falls onto them while still fully ablaze when the pin happens, and there's no space to shove it anywhere but toward the ref who then has to save his own skin before counting.
The true spectacle of round 1 is the rightful main event. Crane and Patricks put on a battle for the ages, an absolute bloodbath that also has great pacing, a surprisingly good weapon to wrestling balance, and an exciting final phase that looks like it could go either way before a great-looking finish. This is the clear standout and thereby my MOTN, and it would be the MOTN on any other show, too. It's simply a fantastic match, not only by Carnage Cup standards.
That makes my day 1 ranking Patricks vs. Crane as MOTN, runners-up Murdoch vs. Creedmore, then Martinez vs. Steel vs. Mosh Pit Mike. The fashion podium currently has Bryant Woods in #1, followed by Dale Patricks with impressive exposure and battle damage (enough that it might hold up despite his elimination and beat more covered entrants in the long run), and a standoff between Josh Crane (100 % wrestling gear, battle damage) and John Wayne Murdoch (colors, battle damage) in #3. Since nobody did double duty, it's difficult to identify an MVP. I tentatively give this one to Patricks because Crane couldn't have had a match like that without a stellar opponent.
DAY 2
Now we're delving deeper into weird Deep South lore. Gene Jackson introduces his 'softcore revolution' and presents the LXW Softcore Championship which will be fought out in a gauntlet today. Resident creep Juan Francisco de Coronado, Missile Assault Ant, 'the Kosher Chef' Andrew Goldstein, the Proletariat Boar of Moldova, 'Seismic Reality' James Hardy, Oleg the Usurper, Freight Train (who is utterly terrible at promos), and finally the main attraction, 'Rapeface' Ronnie Jenkins say their piece about that. The story is that Gene Jackson doesn't want Ronnie in his gauntlet, but was forced to add him.
Back in the ring, we have styrofoam and bubble wrap weaponry, and Gene Jackson explains that he's done with all the hardcore and deathmatch crap and instead wants to start the next big thing in wrestling, the 'softcore revolution'.
Here's the real shocker: This is an IWA-DS comedy match I actually find hilarious. It's stupid and terrible, bell to bell, in a 'so bad it's good' way.
Non-Tournament Match
Softcore Gauntlet
The first entrant is aggressively-Jewish 'Kosher Chef' Andrew Goldstein without a single piece of wrestling attire. The outfit passes my judgement with flying colors though. He's a chef. He wears chef attire. He is armed with food. This is amazing.
His first opponent is 'Seismic Reality' James Hardy, a man who looks like John Tenta in an existential crisis, and he fully commits to that. He wears a black shirt under a white open vest, silver singlet, proper boots, and he's armed with saran wrap. After obtaining a microphone, his complaint about a softcore match is immediately overshadowed by him calling Goldstein 'a dirty Jew' because... he didn't wrap his food backstage, proven by the saran wrap being still there. Kevin Brannen likely masturbates backstage. Hardy's vest disappears, as does the shirt, but I'm ruling in favor of Goldstein with a clear theme. In a comedy match, I just value a gimmick more than resemblance to a pro wrestler.
The weaponry now also includes a hard hat, a plastic baseball bat, a flimsy aluminium tray and the food items brought by Goldstein. James Hardy eliminates Goldstein after wrapping him in saran wrap with an Earthquake impersonation.
The next entrant is Freight Train, all in red with proper white boots. It looks vaguely athletic, but I'm sticking with Goldstein's theme. Freight Train quickly eliminates Hardy, then Oleg the Usurper makes his entrance.
Good theme, but most of his gimmicky attire is removed when he enters the ring, so Goldstein is still the one to beat in this gauntlet. Oleg is certainly the biggest improvement to the match though, and he introduces a new weapon by pouring out styrofoam peanuts. The crowd chants 'holy shit' after a chokeslam into this fearsome addition. Oleg pins Freight Train, and Missile Assault Ant enters the fray.
Still a strong outfit, still sticking with Goldstein. Ant picks a styrofoam board up, Oleg arranges it in a corner. He eliminates Ant quickly, although the boards stay intact.
Proletariat Boar of Moldova enters, also with a strong outfit, my verdicts remains unchanged, and he gets an incredibly quick pin over Oleg after spearing him through the boards.
Goldstein returns with a different name and gimmick as the Nacho Butcher, a Necro Butcher parody, complete with ripped jeans short and bare feet, but he doesn't dethrone himself with it. The bag of nachos is used as weapon by Boar, placing some on Nacho before an elbow drop. Nacho gets a three count over him after a Spinebuster into the styrofoam peanuts and donut sprinkles though, and instead of another entrant, two girls preceed his arrival.
'Rapeface' Ronnie Jenkins, wearing exactly what you imagine a guy who calls himself that would wear, enters. It's so awful and there's so much dedication to the awfulness. I love it, but Goldstein keeps the fashion victory.
Nacho Butcher now adds chairs to the match – for a slugfest parody, not to attack.
This is peak comedy to me. Nacho gets eliminated, either by losing Rock, Paper, Scissors, or by count out after going through a block of bubblewrap-wrapped styrofoam.
Now things get... I hesitate to say it, but it's undeniably hilarious in hindsight. With final entrant Juan Francisco de Coronado, an actual creep goes up against the over the top gimmick creep. Gene Jackson on commentary, unaware of things to come, says he wants Coronado to win his new Softcore title. After Ronnie got floored, one of his valets wakes him up by putting her panties on his face. I'm in tears. Rapeface Ronnie Jenkins is a true star.
Shortly after, there's a scene of true cringe when actual creep Coronado goes after Ronnie's girls. If there was ever a time to root for the guy with the pedo gimmick, this is it. (Although, both girls are probably a little too old for Coronado. I recall an interview in which Brannen talked about this match and said both were actresses of legal age. That he hired actresses is also hilarious to me. Role of a lifetime right there!) It's satisfying to see one of them slap Coronado, which sees him eliminated by Ronnie.
Unhappy with this outcome, Gene Jackson refuses to accept him as winner and introduces his friend Insane Lane as the real final entrant.
He enters in his first round outfit, including the barbed wire crown and mask, which Gene gallantly removes before telling him to become the first 'softcore icon'. Lane gets distracted by a piece of candy given to him by one of Ronnie's valets. Kris Kloss says it's the same trick Bill Cosby uses. Lane doesn't suffer ill effects from it though, and even offers Ronnie a handshake before the match begins. The plastic baseball bat gets involved; Ronnie no sells a crotch shot by shouting "I don't have balls!" Gene Jackson at ringside calls 911 to report Ronnie who flees the arena. Insane Lane becomes the Softcore Champion via count out. I wish IWA-DS comedy matches were still like this.
Non-Tournament Match
Tank vs. Corey Hollis
As so often, Tank wears all black and long pants, but this isn't a deathmatch, so the black doesn't bother me. Hollis makes a better impression although he too wears a black shirt. He removes it right away though, which leaves him in dark-gray trunks and proper footwear for an easy victory.
Since this isn't a tournament match or involves weapons, I'm going to skip. In summary, this is pure, technical 'actual wrestling', Hollis wins, and while I don't get why people are so into Tank, I do appreciate it if veterans put up-and-comers over. Which is exactly what Tank does once he obtains a mic, proving once again that he can talk and doesn't need a muppet as manager.
ROUND 2
Match 1 – Sadistic Playground – John Rare vs. Chuey Martinez
John Rare wears black tights to proper boots, black shirt, black mask. He's never been a strong contender in the color department, but the wrestling attire ratio is usually fine, as is the case here. Chuey looks like he might take this win home though. Black singlet for better exposure, tan shorts for better color, proper boots, and matching belt. Rare's shirt stays on, so yeah, I'm going with Chuey here.
The stipulation's full name is Nathan's Sadistic Playground III, with all weapons being created by commentary royalty Nathan Hamilton in his 'Mad Scientist of Ultraviolence' persona. The cheesegrater board is the most eye-catching at first glance, with chairs, several mystery boxes, and smaller items like bats and a computer tower scattered around, plus another board with thumbtacks and mouse traps. Upon closer inspection, the white board in the corner takes the cake for impressive constructions though. It's a board with 666 syringe tips. I also happen to know that there's another sensational contraption outside the ring, but I'll get to that later.
The match begins with a sitdown on chairs. Chuey invites Rare to take the first punches, which he does. Chuey is unimpressed, then knocks Rare off the chair at first try. The chairs get thrown and floor Rare, and Chuey kicks off the true mayhem with a barbed wire toilet seat and a bat. Weapons go fast from here on. The mouse trap thumbtack push pin board is put in position, a Christmas lights bat is Chuey's next choice, followed by a gusset plate crutch, which he discards for now to instead arrange the thumbtack computer tower in a corner. He's the one to go into the tower and get a first taste of the crutch, and Rare arranges a second computer in another corner. Chuey fights back with a box of Christmas ornaments.
Chuey goes to inspect the needle board, then turns away and calls Hamilton a sick bastard, before taking Rare to the board. Rare fights back and saves himself from getting pushed into the syringes with various bats. Rare builds a pillow fort from the chairs and mouse trap board, then returns to carve Chuey with a mini gusset bat, an attack that ends in a first submission attempt.
Rare opens the Christmas present to unveil cacti, and promptly gets kicked into them. Chuey returns to the Christmas lights bats, then takes Rare to the pillow fort and goes for a suplex. Rare reverses it and suplexes Chuey through the mouse traps, then returns to his strategy with another submission. On the rope, a blowfish on a plastic fishing rod briefly comes into frame. Chuey finally escapes the submission and throws one of the thumbtack-studded towers to floor Rare. Chairshots follow and shove Rare face-first into the cheesegrater board. Hamilton on commentary is drooling.
Chuey returns to the syringe tip board, drops it on Rare's back, then throws a chair onto it full force. A first cover follows and Rare brazenly kicks out. The action moves outside and Chuey involves the crowd, before throwing Rare over the guardrail and moving toward the main attraction.
A bed frame with barbed wire and a suspended lighttube contraption. After more chairshots, Chuey picks Rare up, crosses himself, then goes for a running Death Valley Driver through the 'death bed'.
Both have trouble getting out of the barbed wire. Rare gets out first and attacks Chuey, still trapped, with the remains of the lighttubes. A new box arrives and Rare smashes the tubes before taking Chuey in an armbar submission again. With no way out, Chuey taps.
Several people free Chuey from the barbed wire while Rare celebrates in the ring. He has a title – I'm frankly not sure which one – but it wasn't on the line anyway. Once free, Chuey joins Rare in the ring with a microphone to put him over. I know it's a weird thing to say, but there's something really wholesome about that scene. It also can't go unmentioned that this match, with its wealth of rarely seen weapons, didn't fall short on psychology and told a clear story. Chuey relied on his size advantage to overpower the much smaller Rare who used quick counters to pursue his submission strategy and ultimately outsmarted Chuey with that in an inescapable situation.
Match 2 – Tennessee White Trash – Corporal Robinson vs. Bryant Woods
No outfit change for Corp; still black shirt to camo shorts, but some battle damage on his forehead. He immediately obtains a mic, reiterates that he doesn't need weapons, and says Woods picked the wrong guy to make a name for himself.
Woods, today without the black contacts, still wins the fashion duel even though he swapped the beautifully stained pants from day 1 for pristine white (or he discovered the world's best laundry detergent over night). Minor battle damage, two syringes, and for some reason, he is announced from Chicago instead of Alabama. With Corp from Indiana, there's nobody from Tennessee in this match either way.
The match is aptly named as the weaponry is the leftovers, partially trashed, from the match before.
Corp offers Woods the first shot, shakes it off, and after a headbutt, the slugfest is on and results in blood on Woods' forehead. The match moves to the outside and Woods is well on his way to recreate his winning look from day 1, crimson masked and gushing less than two minutes into the match. Thumbtack bats and crutches get involved, as does a chair and the pretty sturdy computer tower.
Nathan Hamilton mentions a mystery weapon for the finals, but for the moment, Corp introduces a new weapon – a lightbulb hockey stick. Woods finds a barbed wire tennis racket, then somebody from the crowd hands him a barbed wire battle axe.
The match moves over the guardrail and through the crowd, Woods suplexes Corp onto the concrete, and a large contraption becomes visible in the distance. They return to the ring though, leaving a trail of blood.
Woods tries to attack with one of his syringes, but is disarmed and gets it stuck through his cheek – without much fumbling. A Boot Camp onto a chair gets Corp a first two count; Woods is shaking in a pool of his blood.
Corp piles up more chairs, then goes for another Boot Camp, but before he can hit it, Tank runs up to attack him with headbutts and chairs. Once Corp is buried, Tank steps back to let Woods climb the top rope, hit a Moonsault, and get a three count.
Tank gets a mic again to say this was strictly business, he was paid in... Detroit? I have no idea, but he seems quite amused about Corp's loss. Once Tank is gone, Corp gets the mic – he's easier to understand, but I still don't catch a whole lot. He says 'no hard feelings' to Woods, there's a hug and a handshake, so I assume the interference wasn't about him.
Whatever this was all about, Woods cemented his status as Best Dressed in Death frontrunner – positively flaunting it by starting from scratch and delivering an absolute bloodbath.
Match 3 – Concrete Jungle – Spidar Boodrow vs. Freakshow
No outfit change for Spidar, minimal battle damage. Before Freakshow enters, Spidar very obviously takes something from his pocket and puts it into the ref's pocket. Are we looking at open bribery? Won't work on me. That outfit isn't good, as much as I love Spidar. Freakshow wears a white shirt to green camo shorts, and he has the blowfish on a rod. Still no sportswear, but the colors are a lot better, so I'm giving the victory to him – despite still not looking like an actual freakshow performer in any way. He removes the white shirt to reveal a black singlet. Not changing my verdict. He swapped in wrestling attire for the white, so the overall rating is the same.
The ring got a makeover. It's no canvas cinderblocks. At ringside, Bryant Woods flaunts his pole position. There's a display of sportsmanship, and Spidar says it's an honor 'because it's your last', so I assume Freakshow is about to retire or step down from deathmatches.
The match begins with actual wrestling around the cinderblocks. This comes to an end when Freakshow attacks with the blowfish, and the action moves outside the ring for a headbutt duel. Bryant Woods joins commentary. Music to my ears. I adore his definintely Chicagoan twang. Meanwhile, Freakshow stabs Spidar with a fork, then attacks with a cinderblock, still on the outside. Spidar also makes use of the fork before an exchange of punches, but I'm frankly a little distracted by commentary. The fishing rod, now without blowfish, makes a brief comeback before Freakshow gets thrown over the guardrail where the slugfest continues. Again, they are near the big table contraption in the corner, but resort to chairshots.
Somebody hands Spidar a board with lightbulbs when they get up. The bulbs don't break, and Spidar quickly switches to a tennis racket. Freakshow disarms him though and smashes the bulbs on Spidar's head. A chairshot floors Spidar and results in a first pinfall and a two count.
Forearms are exchanged, Spidar seems to have the time of his life and plays to the camera, then the match moves slowly back toward the ring. Freakshow arranges cinderblocks and just barely manages to suplex Spidar onto them. Both are down, and when they get up, Spidar eats a Russian Leg Sweep onto the concrete. Every match ever should have Bryant Woods on commentary. Freakshow remains in charge, until Spidar reverses an armbar and slams him onto the concrete for a three count.
It ends with a hug between the two eternal rivals, and Spidar reinforcing the setup for the final – his chance to become the first man to win Carnage Cup twice. Unfortunately for me, Woods leaves commentary to help Spidar to the back.
Match 4 – Bundles of Joy – John Wayne Murdoch vs. Josh Crane
After so much ear candy, it's time for eye candy. Murdoch apparently also discovered the amazing laundry detergent. His outfit only changed insofar that he has less blood on him than before his first round match. The wandering city of Waxahachie is in Texas today.
Josh Crane clearly takes this face off between two strong fashion contenders serious, wearing the tattered remains of a white Evolution Pro Wrestling shirt to his red tights. It's the latter that scores him the victory. Color-wise, they are as close as they can possibly be, and even tallying the overall coverage comes out as about even (Murdoch's shorts + gloves/sleeve vs. Crane's bare hands and tights). It's the wrestling gear that tips the scale in favor of Crane.
The ring has its canvas again. For the moment, only two bundles are visible, a lighttube bundle on a board outside the ring, and a black bundle that probably consists of painted tubes in the ring.
It starts off with a handshake and a lock-up, and thereby the early reminder that Crane's bandaged hand is fucked up. It continues with actual wrestling, then Murdoch tells the crowd to chant 'showstealer'. [On my screenshot skim, it's actually someone in the crowd starting this earlier - aimed at Crane.] The intention is clear, he's got his work cut out after the day 1 main event, and I'll type out what I was thinking right after both entered. With Corp's bragging about not needing weapons in mind... I'm sorry to say, Mr. Robinson, but it's these two who could really steal the show at a Carnage Cup with nothing but a trout.
The actual wrestling continues after another handshake. Commentary helpfully reminds me that Murdoch has a history of showstealing at Carnage Cup and brings up the match against Josh Crowe from the year before. I'll add his Carnage Cup 8 match as Damian Payne, and also against Crowe, in which a Deep South Destroyer onto concrete provided a holy shit moment on day 1.
Now outside the ring, more lighttube bundles turn up. Crane is the first to go for them and breaks one on Murdoch. Crane's shirt comes off – he's really serious about taking the fight to Bryant Woods. After more actual wrestling, Crane gets chairs and sits down on the outside for a slugfest. Thoughtfully, he adds a third chair for the ref. Headbutts, elbow strikes, and punches are exchanged, then Murdoch ends the duel with a lighttube. Crane agrees that it's time to involve weapons and chases Murdoch around the ring with a barbed wire flail. Then he takes the black bundle from the ring. Blacklight tubes. While Crane gets hit with them, I dream about my Ultraviolet Ultraviolence dream match. If only they had been electrified...
Crane returns to the ring, Murdoch follows with a board, but drops it and goes to the top rope. After dragging the board to the corner, Crane pulls Murdoch's legs away, putting him the through the board for an early cover. Chairs now get set up, Murdoch misses a senton into them, and Crane gets a first two count. He finds a real table – or steals it from the merch area – and brings it closer to the ring, then stacks a lighttube-bundle cross on it. Back in the ring, he gets floored by Murdoch who gets a Death Valley Driver for another two count shortly after.
Murdoch counters a Cop Killa attempt with elbow strikes and tries a cover, to no avail, and maneuvers Crane onto the top rope. Crane fights out of the suplex attempt though. Now gimped with a knee injury in addition to his hand, Crane headbutts Murdoch down before laboriously climbing the top rope. Before he succeeds, Murdoch interrupts, and now they are in the crowd, near the table with the cross. Crane gains the upper hand and suplexes Murdoch, then climbs the guardrail instead, only to be shoved and crash through the lighttube cross and the table. A close two count follows, then they return to the ring for another.
A quick sequence involving a chair sees Crane punch the chair with his injured hand, then get floored and pinned for another two count. Murdoch gets up and leaves to get a bolt cutter. After beating Crane down and getting yet another two count, Murdoch rips off the bandage and threatens to cut off Crane's finger.
John Rare and Corporal Robinson rush the ring and try to talk Murdoch out of his plan. They finally get him off Crane, an argument between Murdoch and Corp breaks out. Corp keeps trying to talk Murdoch down who keeps trying to attack Crane at every turn. After his bolt cutter is taken away and Corp almost has Murdoch at the curtain, Murdoch turns around, breaks a lighttube on the way back to the ring, then tries to stab Crane's neck. It's broken up by the ref and Corp who holds Murdoch down in the corner while Crane is led backstage by the ref.
Crane advances by ref decision, and Murdoch has a freakout, shouting 'if he dies, he dies' at Corp before leaving alone.
It wasn't a showstealer match – compared to the massacre Bryant Woods made of himself, it was not even all that gory - but that seems to have been a deliberate choice in favor of building up something between Murdoch and Corp. Unfortunate because there was so much potential to be so much more than this, so much more than just 'not a bad a match'. And that's what it comes down to: A decent yet forgettable match that sacrificed its potential on the altar of storytelling.
Non-Tournament Match
Crimson Mask Death Match Rumble
Uh oh, an IWA-DS deathmatch rumble. That's usually a scary thing with a serious risk to unearth some of the deepest depths of the Deep South.
Dale Patricks – black shirt, blue shorts, proper footwear – being the first entrant gives me hope. It continues with promise: Mosh Pit Mike in orange singlet, light-gray shirt, proper boots is the next, followed by Ruben Steel, who wears graffiti shorts instead of jeans today for a better rating. Things get murkier now, and Cagematch isn't there to help me with names. Pork Chop Jr.? Larry Jay? Oh no, oh no, it's Lil Donnie... We have gained a black-yellow singlet under tan pants, as well as a blue singlet, plus Donnie's black shorts and black shirt, and as far as I've seen, everyone has proper boots. Big Donnie. Oh damn. I totally forgot there's a big one, too. Black shirt, black singlet, black boots, and he brought a wooden stick. Oh boy. Jeff 'Hitman' Hart, all in black, long pants, sneakers. That seems to be it.
No, it isn't. Kornbread, wearing a tattered white shirt to jeans and walking on a cane, enters. He doesn't approach the ring though and instead gestures for a mic. Apparently, he 'still holds the Money in the Bank briefcase' and something will be going on with that later today. I'm pressing X to doubt, but that might just be wishful thinking. Big Donnie gets the mic and asks why Kornbread is even here. You and I, Big Donnie. You and I. $10 Championship Money in the Bank holder Kornbread, as the announcer helpfully points out again, leaves the arena.
With everyone gathered in the ring now, I can take inventory and decide who is best dressed in this rumble. All the long pants guys are out, as is everyone in all black. This being a deathmatch, for better or worse, I'll value exposure and color. That also eliminates Mike, Patricks, and Steel, all still wearing shirts, and leaves the guy in the blue singlet as the clear winner. WrestlingData knows more than Cagematch: It is Big Larry James who doesn't have a profile on either. For completion, the other guy I didn't know (black-yellow singlet, tan pants) is called Porkchop Cash Jr.
The weaponry consists of loose tubes in all corners, and apparently, the $10 title is on the line. Big Donnie removes his shirt, but he's still all in black, so this does not change my verdict. It results in 'put your shirt on' chants though, and ends with Mosh Pit Mike taking his shirt off before the bell. Orange is lighter than royal blue, so this does change my verdict. Congratulations, Mr. Mosh Pit.
The opening varies greatly in enthusiasm. Porkchop and Big James chat in a corner, Mike attacks Lil Donnie, Ruben Steel attacks Big Donnie, Dale Patricks just stands around. For one delightful moment, I forgot Jeff Hart is also supposed to be in this, but he's nowhere to be seen. He joins shortly after though and goes after Lil Donnie, and Mike joins Patricks in standing around.
Nathan Hamilton explains the rules: Entrants can only be eliminated when they are bleeding.
Mike deigns to smash a lighttube on Jeff Hart, Steel is still brawling with Big Donnie, Porkchop arms himself with a lighttube, and his chat partner Big James now also stands around. It continues that way, with the new pairing of Porkchop and Jeff Hart forming, but the two gentlemen in blue – Patricks and Big James – seem determined to do nothing. At some point, Patricks takes a lighttube, but still looks incredibly bored. Mike and Ruben Steel, on the other hand, are in high spirits, jumping, chanting, clapping – the life of this questionable party. Their enthusiasm is infectious and they manage to arrange a double date with Porkchop and Big James. Hart and Big Donnie join them, Lil Donnie sits confused in a corner, Patricks puts his lighttube away, but finally gets in contact with his opponents by helping Steel with an armbar against Big James. Then he retreats back into non-action.
Eliminations are attempted, but neither Hart nor Big James is bleeding. Mike and his for-now ally Steel continue to... I'm not sure it can be called 'dominating' – at some point, Mike just has a brief chat with Patricks who stands right next to the action. Let's say Mike and Steel continue to be the entertaining factors. Although it's also funny just how bored Patricks looks. Never has body language screamed BOREDOM louder.
Lil Donnie is bleeding and went outside, but doesn't appear to be eliminated. Patricks gets dragged into a brawl by Big James, but Steel saves him with a lighttube from having to move. When Mike turns his attention to Patricks, there's no escape though. Mike is determined to entertain in this mess and lighttubes won't stop him. Plenty of tubes get smashed, commentary isn't sure if there were eliminations, Lil Donnie and Jeff Hart brawl on the ramp.
Commentary sees gusset plates on a stick and thumbtacks somewhere. Porkchop and Big James are near the ring, Hart and Lil Donnie still busy on the ramp. For the moment, only four people remain in the ring – Patricks, Big Donnie, Steel, and Mike who decides it's time for a break. I have no idea if anyone has been eliminated yet. Maybe that's why Mike wants a break. To figure out who's still in this. No. He wants to turn it into a tag team match and unsurprisingly decides that Steel is his partner. Patricks disagrees and picks a new corner to stand around. Big Donnie and Big James – not the worst combo for a team, at least there's a theme – don't appear to be interested either.
Porkchop leaves the arena, and it appears Hart and Lil Donnie are gone as well. Big James leaves the ring. It does look like a tag team match when Mike takes Big Donnie in a headlock, and each of them has a partner in a corner. It just doesn't look like Patricks is interested in being on a team. Apparently, Big James is eliminated because the announcer says it's down to the final four and officially declares it a tag match. Nathan Hamilton notes that this is also a tag team match for a singles title now. Ok then! Tornado rules apply, at least there's no attempt to send anyone to the corner when... Mike, Steel, and Patricks start to pile all remaining lighttubes on Big Donnie. The announcer reminds them it's supposed to be a tag match. The ref doesn't care, nor does anyone else.
Patricks joins his opponents for a Steel-assisted top rope senton onto Donnie while Mike holds the lighttubes in place. Steel proceeds to attack Patricks with tubes and eliminates him. The smashing continues and Steel and Mike get eliminated at the same time. This makes Big Donnie, who has been lying on his back the entire time, the winner and $10 Wrestling champion.
Kornbread reappears with his suitcase and cashes it in for a title match against Big Donnie. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the depths I was talking about earlier.
Non-Tournament Match
$10 Wrestling Championhip Title Match - Big Donnie (C) vs. Kornbread
We all have our cross to bear, and mine is the judgement of deathmatch fashion. Since this match takes place in the remains of about 60 lighttubes, I will judge it. Donnie wins by wearing a singlet. This is all I have to say. After roughly 1 minute, Kornbread gets a three count and becomes the new champion. I'm sure my esteemed readership is just as stunned as I am. Kornbread leaves under the sweet sounds of a banjo.
FINALS
No Ropes Barbed Wire Razor Wire No Canvas Fire Cracker Boards Sheets Rocks Four Way
Spidar Boodrow, still all in black, shows a little more battle damage than before and again reinforces his potential two time win. Also the greatest, most violent bromance in wrestling – after getting in an argument with Rare's wife, Shady Jane, at ringside, Spidar tells the camera that 'John Rare belongs to him'. And they say romance is dead. This is so heartwarming.
Bryant Woods lays claim to nothing but the undisputed victory of Best Dressed in Death, shirtless and in formerly white, now red pants. He now also wears a black headband, likely with bandages underneath since he has that really nasty forehead wound that is responsible for most of the blood on his pants.
John Rare has switched to a brown hockey mask, a sleeveless red-green Freddy Krueger pullover, and a matching claw glove to the black-white tights.
Lighttube bundles are added to the ring while Josh Crane enters. Shirtless, red tights, messed up back, bandaged hand again and a limp – he is still in the running for runner-up to Woods. In regards to battle damage, he certainly has a headstart compared to the more covered up contenders.
Where are we at with the stories? Boodrow and Woods, the two big bois, are tag team partners, but loudly declared they'll be enemies tonight. Boodrow has it out for Rare; their SAW match at the previous Carnage Cup ended in a double pin. Woods is hungry after making it to the finals before and failing to take the cup home. Crane, with the obvious limp and hand injury, is probably even more of an underdog than Rare, the one Boodrow wants to pin for his second Carnage Cup victory.
It takes Kloss a very deep breath to rattle down the stipulation. The above is a very abridged version that leaves out the various lighttube contraptions and electrified things (possibly he said saw and fans).
The match starts off with Spidar immediately going after Rare while Woods takes on Crane who both quickly go for the lighttubes. Spidar and Rare leave the stage to them for a struggle to shove each other into the razor wire.
Woods wins, Spidar attacks Rare on the outside with a spiky bat of sorts, topped with lit sparklers. While Rare gets choked on the outside, Woods and Crane struggle to break the thick tube bundles. They succeed when Woods whips Crane through three of them, and with it the barbed wire side of the ring.
On the outside, Spidar whips Rare into a barbed wire fence. The ref is checking on Crane who gets a gusset plate paddle-sign to the head and back moments later. They continue to break tubes, with some difficulty, and Crane's injured hand gets smashed into a bundle. Woods continues to attack the injury, and it's looking good for Crane's spot on the Best Dressed podium.
Elsewhere, Spidar turns his attention – and John Rare – toward the roofing nail board that has been lingering in a guardrail corner since day 1. Rare goes through it, and the camera pans back to Woods as he shoves Crane's face into the razor wire. They also have a ladder, another weapon omitted from the stipulation. The same goes for the cinderblock Woods attacks with next.
Spidar, in full control and getting cocky with it, rolls his victim back into the ring. Rare gets hold of a board – it has barbed wire and the aforementioned firecrackers – and sets it up against the razor wire side. The ref lights up the fuse, and Spidar tries to whip Rare into the exploding cracker, but ends up going into it himself.
For the first time, there's a switch when Spidar flees and Woods gets his hand/lighttube bundles on Rare. Crane hangs bleeding on the guardrail outside, Spidar crawls back into the ring, and now Woods attacks him with a bat while Crane catches Rare with a lighttube bundle. Woods and Boodrow brawl inside, Crane takes cinderblocks to Rare on the outside. He builds a low level pillow fort with cinderblocks and tube bundles while Boodrow gains the upper hand over Woods. Rare gets slammed on the cinderblocks, shortly after Woods went into the barbed wire fence.
On the way through the debris around the ring, Crane runs into Boodrow. The emerging brawl is interrupted by John Rare who maneuvers Spidar's face to the razor wire. It's Rare who goes into it though and immediately calls for tape once he gets free. I recall Rare mentioning that he cut off a piece of his finger tip in this scene.
Spidar returns to Crane and promptly gets surprised with a hip toss onto something black that probably also had lighttubes and/or barbed wire for a two count. Woods is back in action and cuts off Crane's offense with a kick, then collects the remains of the firecracker board before rejoining the others at their side of the ring. The board gets placed on Crane and hit with a chair, Spidar hits his Spidardriver against Rare onto lighttubes and concrete for a two count.
It's back to the original pairings now; Crane DDTs Woods onto cinderblocks, Rare and Boodrow are back in the ring. After some unexpected 'actual wrestling', Spidar finds a razor wire board and adds it to the ring. Outside, Crane pays Woods back for the earlier gusset plate treatment with the same weapon. Spidar sets his board up between chairs, Crane also has a chair and a board on the outside, but gets speared through it. Rare goes through the razor wire contraption with a powerbomb, but again kicks out at two.
Spidar, now frustrated, repeatedly smashes Rare into the lighttubes while Woods and Crane brawl outside and paint the floor red.
When the camera catches up with the other pairing, they are outside the ring – near the earlier mentioned contraption. Rare is halfway up a ladder and he has a power tool, possibly a saw or a grinder. He challenges Spidar to come up to his roost which Spidar, never one to turn down a chance to fall off an elevated position, does.
It's hard to see what exactly happens. There's a struggle, the power tool was involved somehow, Spidar went down through the table and lighttubes, Rare jumped after him into a pin and got a three count.
Commentary calls it an elimination, but the confusion is quickly cleared up when Brannen rushes over with the trophy. Rare's hand gets taped up some more, staff checks on a motionless Spidar, Woods approaches to give Rare another lighttube smash.
Spidar eventually gets up, visibly dazed, enough to forget his bitter rivalry with Rare for the moment. There's a whole lot of people around, but it's only Rare, Brannen, and Chuey Martinez who make it back to the ring. Brannen appears to give a speech, but I can't understand it – even though I'm not sure if the mic is actually on. More people join – Crane, Patricks, Spidar, Woods who is gushing so much that he already soaked the white towel he's holding, Ruben Steel; then Freakshow and Corp, and on the outside are Lil Donnie, Belton Creedmore, and I've also spotted my ginger prince somewhere.
Spidar and Rare declare friendship, Corp takes the mic, and being one of the people who speaks clearly with it, I know he says he doubted Rare had it in him, and was proven wrong. He puts everyone over, then hands the mic off to Rare who now declares friendship with everyone, especially Bryant Woods who he calls the future of IWA-DS. Woods admits that Rare paid his dues tonight, but vows to take him down next time they meet.
It's Chuey's turn on the mic, and as usual, I paid close attention to confirm that he really uses 'fuck/fucking' in every sentence.
Sworn enemies Boodrow and Rare exchange 'I love yous', and the show ends on this bittersweet note.
RECAP, FINAL THOUGHTS
Where to begin? There's a lot to unpack here, and I didn't realize I forgot to add earlier recaps. Overall, one theme silently shrouds this show – a sense of being at the verge of a new era. It starts off with the non-tournament match in which Corey Hollis defeated Tank, then continued in the tournament with Rare and Woods advancing over veterans Martinez and Corp. Arguably, Crane advancing over Murdoch also fits the pattern since Murdoch was very clearly the bigger deal, albeit not as established as Corp, Martinez, or Tank. This was reinforced by Corp and Tank on the mic, and culminated in the final with the new breed, John Rare, proving himself to the veterans. The main story, Rare vs. Boodrow, naturally played into this as well. Their years-long feud had an element of 'greenhorn taking the veteran to and beyond his limits' from the start, and this show took place at the height of their rivalry, in the middle of their SAW series which would come to its conclusion two years later at Carnage Cup 11 with their unhinged 2 out of 3 final.
The comedy opener, as I said above long ago, is uncanny, in the most hilarious way. It's utterly nonsensical crash TV with absurd gimmicks, absurdly quick eliminations, and an absurd outcome. If there's one thing I could change about current day IWA-DS cards, it would be a return to these hardcore parody matches. The weird scat fetish toilet humor that replaced them never was and never will be funny to me, and I'll root for Rapeface Ronnie over Turdy and the like any day of the week.
I'm not sure the second non-tournament match right after was necessary. It fit the overall vibe, as I said above, and seeing the mess the ring turned into later, I don't know where on the card it would have fit better. In the end, it was alright. Just that. Alright. Probably not the ideal platform for Hollis though.
The semi-finals ramped things up quickly with unique weaponry and surprising psychology in the first match, and an impressive bloodbath in the second. The Concrete Jungle looked tame in comparison, both in regards to weapons and gore, but if I got it correctly, this was Freakshow's last match, and it made sense for him to have it with Spidar. (A quick glance at Freakshow's profiles tells me he didn't retire, but retirements have always been a revolving door around these parts.) Murdoch vs. Crane, while not bad, just had this vast sense of not living up to its potential, and after Woods vs. Corp, I didn't need another unclean finish.
The Crimson Mask rumble was... there. It wasn't as bad as I feared and I'm also not going to argue that it could have been better. Mosh Pit Mike and Ruben Steel carried the whole mess to a bearable level which is far, far more than I can say about other matches in this category. Patricks had clearly checked out, or maybe he was injured and just couldn't do more, but I'd say his aggressive non-involvement was the second-most entertaining part of this match. That really says all you need to know here. I will not speak of Big Donnie vs. Kornbread because it struggles to even qualify as a match.
The clear and undisputed MOTN was the final. Was there wrestling? Not a whole lot. You can probably count the suplexes, powerbombs, and slams on both hands (yes, both, just to be fair). Did it matter? Not at all. This final lived up to everything I expect from a Carnage Cup with a wealth of weapons and deranged spots. The focus was clearly on Rare and Boodrow which also brought the previous round to its logical conclusion. Woods and Crane were there to make it the traditional four way. Both advanced by questionable means, the former by interference, the latter by ref decision due to Murdoch's freakout. Leaving them out of the finish made sense. Woods laid the foundation for his loose cannon, anything for the cup saga by being the one to break the relative truce with his partner and putting a target on Rare after the win. There wasn't really a story around Crane, but in retrospect, his involvement in the final foreshadowed his victory the next year.
What made the final (and the tournament as a whole) bittersweet to me is the focus on Spidar who I still miss a lot in the changing landscape of the Deep South. This was the first time I watched any of his matches since his passing in 2020. Normally, I can set this aside when I review shows that involve wrestlers that are no longer with us. With Spidar, that's different for so many reasons. I won't go into that because this is a review, not an obituary, so I'll leave it at that.
Back to business. Best Dressed in Death. Bryant Woods. Holy hell, Bryant Woods. What a showing! The mess he turned into – twice – is nothing short of impressive. Runners-up: Josh Crane with a valiant crimson effort, wrestling gear, and exposure, and Dale Patricks for the same reasons. MOTN, as I already said, was the final that delivered in every way on the mayhem I want to see at Carnage Cup, runner-up John Rare vs. Chuey Martinez. The MVP podium gets a little crowded because there are several people who carried different aspects of the whole, all of which I think contributed equally to the overall impression. Bryant Woods – the god of gore, Josh Crane – for consistent in-ring quality by both measures in all of his matches, Corporal Robinson – as the storyteller who tied the various chapters together.